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55 words story - 2. Gift

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012.

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  1. Apr 10, 2012 #1
    tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    “What a messy kid you are!!” yelled the maid.

    “how your mom has raised you. Look at the spilt paints, broken toys and torn papers around you” she started cleaning as Ann looked deep into her eyes.

    Then she slowly handed over a gift.

    “This is for you Martha. Today is my mom’s death anniversary”
     
    tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012
    tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012
    #1
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  2. Apr 10, 2012 #2
    rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Again a good twist Tuffyshri. My view slightly differs on the end though. "This is for you Martha! Its my mom's birthday today!". -rgs
     
    rgsrinivasan, Apr 10, 2012
    rgsrinivasan, Apr 10, 2012
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  3. Apr 10, 2012 #3
    tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    thought about it, RGS! but death have more weightage. B'day may still make the reader to think if the mom is alive.. is just around somewhere.. or ignored little Ann.. etc. and moreover Martha is scolding her mom for the improper raise. Seldom she knows about the truth
     
    tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012
    tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012
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  4. Apr 10, 2012 #4
    upfsabari

    upfsabari IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh.... Nice twist..!!! You are 100% eligible to enter in the contest.. Do post your entries there..!
     
    upfsabari, Apr 10, 2012
    upfsabari, Apr 10, 2012
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  5. Apr 10, 2012 #5
    rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Agreed Tuffyshri. But I still do not feel that the occasion is just right for giving a gift - somebody's death anniversary? [diwali perhaps?]. Besides, leaving it to the conclusion of the reader helps you reduce lot of explanations / lines too. Fine. Thats only my view. But the story is nice. -rgs
     
    rgsrinivasan, Apr 10, 2012
    rgsrinivasan, Apr 10, 2012
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  6. Apr 10, 2012 #6
    tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    thats a good catch, RGS Sir! I was thinking the child is remembering her mom and wanted to please someone. but yes, no one would gift on a death anniversary
     
    tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012
    tuffyshri, Apr 10, 2012
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  7. Apr 11, 2012 #7
    ramyaramani

    ramyaramani Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice story once again. But what a strange ending. I thought it was the maids birthday.
     
    ramyaramani, Apr 11, 2012
    ramyaramani, Apr 11, 2012
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  8. Apr 11, 2012 #8
    AkilaMani

    AkilaMani Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice twist shree and yes i too feel the same way as rgs on giving a gift on a death anniversary.... nice read dear!!

    Akila
     
    AkilaMani, Apr 11, 2012
    AkilaMani, Apr 11, 2012
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  9. Apr 11, 2012 #9
    rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry had I been harsh there. And thanks for your generous mindset Tuffyshri. -rgs
     
    rgsrinivasan, Apr 11, 2012
    rgsrinivasan, Apr 11, 2012
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  10. Apr 18, 2012 #10
    tuffyshri

    tuffyshri Gold IL'ite

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    not at all RGS! a mistake is a mistake and should be pointed out
     
    tuffyshri, Apr 18, 2012
    tuffyshri, Apr 18, 2012
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