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3. Success And Likeability (lean In)

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by buddingleader, Nov 15, 2016.

  1. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone!

    It was a busy week. One of my friends’ kid’s birthday party is around this weekend. I didn’t have a clue of what to get for the kid. I spent countless hours in shopping mall by climbing the stairs up and down. I am not exaggerating. Probably, I lost a few pounds to which my hubby is not really agreeing. He is quite a jealous man. So, coming back to the gift, I didn’t really find anything interesting. Finally, a Barbie doll grabbed my attraction. It’s a doll where we can actually dress up the Barbie. You may think that I am fool to settle on that gift after so much of wandering. I was originally planning to give some learning tools instead. Education hasn’t been my area of interest. But you must agree to one thing – Which girl won’t like dressing up?! That got to be the perfect gift for the cute little girl.

    I had plenty of dolls in my childhood. I used to actually hug them, kiss them, become a teacher for them, etc. But my younger sister used to play another interesting game with the same dolls. She used to comb the hair, apply makeup, or worse give them a good shower with shampoo. Those dolls are actually not meant for doing these things. Actually the poor dolls didn’t manage all the tasks my sister performed. In other words, my dad has to literally rush to the shops to get us a new doll. Anyways, I got so many dolls to play with. Thanks to my little sis!

    When I was reminiscing my childhood, I remembered a particular day during my college days. I remembered the first time I tried to dress up with so much caution in a saree, a traditional costume in our society. Almost all women here love wearing the saree. I somehow managed to tie the 6-yard fabric on me. I had jewels on me to complement my costume. I would definitely say I was perfect. When I came out, the first comment I heard from one of my friends was “Walk like a women. Even in saree, you are walking like a man.” Oh no! I concentrated on my walking style pretty much the whole evening.

    But now when I think about that, women are expected to walk in a way, speak in a way, behave in a way and so on. The list is huge. I was expected to walk in a way for the simple evening. Let’s think on how we have to be when we actually want to be a leader. Don’t you think the list is going to be still huge? That’s how it is going to be. We are in a society where men leaders are easily accepted. But when a woman becomes a leader, she has to often hear one of these things or even all of these things – “She is tough”, “She is lucky to be in this position”, “She is difficult”, “She is arrogant”, “She is bossy” and what not. But when a man behaves the same way, he is generally termed as perfect and actually the one who drives things to desired results. Women are expected to always behave in ‘womanly way’, but still have to deliver the desired results too. We will have to face hatred from countless people when we don’t behave in that way. It is challenging, isn’t it?

    I recently moved to a different technology. My manager praised me for learning quickly. My immediate response was “It’s not actually I who learnt it. It’s our team who taught me.” I learnt it quickly. So I should have just agreed to his comment. I can mention the team helped me in my learning process. But it is I who actually showed interest and learnt quickly. I don’t have to feel bad for receiving a compliment. I have a habit of telling “we” for things actually “I” did. Ofcourse for the things that I have done right.

    Sheryl talked a lot about this guilty feeling and “womanly way” in her book. It was really a good read. I was quite shocked to see such behavior even in the developed nations. She also talked about negotiation. That is when I realized I fall under that category. I do remember my first appraisal meeting. I just told my manager “I am not expecting anything. You can just give me any rating.” Another guy from my team asked for a promotion that time. To be frank, there were so many escalations on him. They didn’t give him. But he asked. On the other hand, I was treated as one of the excellent candidates of my team, I didn’t even ask. Instead, I told him clearly that I was not even expecting things for myself. What’s wrong with me?! We women won’t really negotiate. Even when we negotiate, we will have to do in a “womanly way”. Else we will be in the hate list of many. Uff!

    Sheryl quoted one of Mark Zuckerberg’s words, which I actually loved the most. “When you want to change things, you can’t please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren’t making enough progress.” So, let’s try to strike a balance. But if pleasing someone is a hinder, let’s just make progress and ignore pleasing.

    Meet you all soon with the next post. Until then, bye!
     
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  2. Suja9

    Suja9 Silver IL'ite

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    Inspiring posts.. Keep Writing!!
     
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  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    You are summarizing the chapters very well with comparisons. Good to catch-up these summaries now and then, as we can't read the whole book again, and it is easy for us to go back to our normal behavior being nice all the time to all, as that way most of us women are raised.

    We were talking about a manager, when personally met how nice she was, but in the company she has bad name like angry person, and shouts etc, may be she has to put this angry attitude to survive in that competitive, result oriented jobs, lot of guys give tough time to women boss, by not completing their part of work.

    about one woman lead In India recently I heard people talking badly, they were talking about her boy friend stuff, mixing her personal stuff. For a woman it is very tough to get support of both her superiors and subordinates. It all comes down to people skills and social skills, some are skilled in that.
     
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  4. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Suja9. Will keep writing with all of your support.
     
  5. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    KashmirFlower,

    Thanks for your feedback.
    Yes I totally agree. For women , it's comparatively difficult to manage at workplace. Yes, people tend to mix personal things with professional behaviour. It's our responsibility to stand up for ourselves and also to give a proper future generation.
     
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  6. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

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    Nice Post . Ah . though I always wished to read Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by sheryl sandberg getting the glimpse of the book through your posts which makes me to read it at cost. thanks for your posts :)
     
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  7. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Glad you dropped in! Thanks for your lovely feedback :) Keep Reading!
     

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