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Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Akanksha1982, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    All,
    Starting a new story. Hope you all like it. Please guide me with your comments.

    cheers,
    -Aks.
     
  2. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Part I

    Stumbling through the nascent snow in her black high heel sandals, Poonam reached near the cliff of the snowcapped mountain. The horizon was ablaze with a cast of pinkish orange hue as the big orange orb was setting behind the mountain after a long tiring day. The view of the horizon was clear except for some part broken by short bloated trails of clouds. The snowcapped Swiss Alps reflected the colors off the white snow and off the yellow cut beads and stone work on the yellow faux chiffon saree draped by Poonam over a yellow off-shoulder blouse. Her neck hugging pearl necklace camouflaged itself in the ambient yellow color. A small yellow bindi ruled on her flawless white round face while her waist length straightened black hair swayed defiantly in tandem with her dangling pearl earrings as she walked. Just below the well-trimmed arched eyebrows, her black eyes were busy capturing the beautiful scenery while her small bulbous nose inhaled the romantic aroma the décor offered. Tugging the end of her pallu on her waist and stretching her hands out towards the sky, she turned around towards her lover. She started humming a Yash Chopra movie song and started making moves similar to those seen in Yash Chopra’s movies. Mellifluous sound of her sonorous anklet-bells added melody to her humming.

    Suddenly, she shivered as a light cool breeze kissed her and a familiar voice, “Poonam…Poonam” struck her ear. Her eyes opened and she saw her mom, Sharmista, pulling the blanket. “Stop dreaming and wake up” Sharmista said. Folding the blanket, she continued,

    Wake up! Mr. Agarwal’s family is coming to see you. Please present yourself at your best and get dressed well.”

    “Mom, why did you call them this early?”

    “Early? It is already 10 am and they will be here by 11 am. I need to prepare for their lunch. I hope this relation works out. You are lucky that they have agreed to consider this match. They are so rich and Sharad is well educated and a successful businessman. He is managing their family business. He has expanded it so much in just a few years.”

    Reluctantly, Poonam woke up and went to the bathroom to get ready.

    Mr. Agarwal’s house

    Sharad walked out of his bedroom after getting ready and went to the porch and picked up the newspaper. As he settled on the chair at the dining table, his mother came by with the breakfast tray with tea and English toast.

    “You are ready already? I am surprised.” Meena, Sharad’s mother quipped.

    “Yes, I have to leave soon. I have a meeting.” Sharad replied, while his eyes browsed the headlines of the newspaper.

    “What? You can’t go to the meeting. Didn’t I tell you we are going to see Mr. Mehra’s daughter, Poonam?”

    “Is that today? Mom, I am not interested in getting married. At least, not right now.” In a startling voice Sharad said lifting his head towards his mother.

    Meena leaned and held Sharad’s cheeks with his hand and looking in his eyes said,

    “Then when? After my death?” She paused and then dripping a lonely tear by blinking her eyes, she continued, “I am happy that finally you out of that orphan girl’s evil eye. Now I think you should settle down so your father and I can have peace and travel to holly places. You know all my friends have grandchildren. For me, my son hasn’t married yet. I have heard that Mr. Mehra’s daughter is very beautiful and she is the only daughter. Mr. Mehra is well respected in our community. Our alliance will be an alliance of the equals. I am sure many people will be envy when they hear about it.” Taking a deep breath she stood straight with eyes glowing in pride and grudgingly exhaling her deep breath that had held her ego high on her chest.

    “Sharad, Mom is right. I have also heard that this girl is beautiful. You should cancel your meeting and come with us. ” Miloni, Sharad’s sister said as she pulled the chair at the breakfast table.

    “I can go to the meeting instead of you.” Poorvank, Miloni’s husband said as he joined Miloni at the dining table.

    Poorvank moved in the Agarwal’s house after marriage. He hailed from a middle class family in Gurdaspur, Punjab. He came to Mumbai for studies. Miloni and Poorvank were studying together and had a love marriage. He joined Mr. Agarwal’s business after marriage and worked as the Chief Operational Officer. As a son-in-law of Mr. Agarwal, his social status elevated overnight. He was on board of many NGOs and other companies as well. Sharad loved his sister and his brother-in-law.

    “No. Poorvank, I need you with me. I can’t take such a big decision without you. I will see if I can move the office meeting to tomorrow.”

    Miloni clapped as Sharad said that and she hugged him as he was applying butter on his toast. The butter landed on his coat. He was disappointed but soon realized that he had to change anyway as he can’t go to see a girl in a formal dress.

    After breakfast, Sharad went to his room and called his office. He came out of his room. All eyes were looking at him. With a serious face he said, “I am sorry to say that the meeting has been moved to tomorrow.”

    Miloni rushed towards Sharad and started tickling Sharad.


    Mr. Mehra’s house

    The Agarwals arrived at Mr. Mehra’s house. They were greeted by the hosts, Sharmista and Shushant Agarwal. Shushant’s father died at an early age and his mother raised Shushant and his three younger sisters. Shushant was only 16 years old when his father passed away. The responsibility of the house fell on his young shoulders and he had to leave his studies. Shushant started working on odd jobs and worked very hard to get all his sisters married. As per the customs, he had to save dowry for them and had to take care of the baratis. After his sisters were married, he felt relieved and focused on his job. He got married to Sharmista. Just like Shushant, Sharmista also came from a lower middle class family. Eventually, Shushant got into chemical supplies for schools and colleges and his business started blooming and he made a lot of money.

    Once both the families settled on the sofa in the living room of the penthouse and after the customary serving of Jaljeera juice, Sharmista went upstairs to call Poonam.

    Poonam was looking gorgeous in a half-saree with a flaring peacock blue and green color alternating pleats skirt with a broad silver border and white self-design dots. She had draped a matching blue color Voni over a full length blue blouse. Her hair was tied in a ponytail. She wore a matching artificial thick necklace with blue stones and matching earrings and bindi.

    As Poonam started descending the stairs, she stopped. A strand of her hair piqued her as she lowered her eyes towards the guests. Poorvank was shocked as he saw Poonam.
     
  3. Lata6

    Lata6 Gold IL'ite

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    Good Start! Poorvank is here friend from college or ex?
     
  4. peddadas

    peddadas Platinum IL'ite

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    Why is Poorvank shocked ? I have the complete scene in front of me ... aha..pellichoopulu...

    --PS
     
  5. meepre

    meepre Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Akanksha,

    Amazing start of the story. As always you have bought the visual infront of our eyes with your wonderful narration. Waiting to see what happens??

    Why is Poorvank shocked? Is she is ex or one side love? Can't think any other proper reason? Come back soon dear.

    Wonderful portray of the half Saree. It should be so beautiful...
     
  6. Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    Good start AK!! Happy that you started a new one..
    Poorvank is shocked?! - I believe AK will have a different reason

    The title suggests that its a love story.. So, is the genre love and romance? Or is there a different hidden meaning behind those numbers?
     
  7. leenarajaryan

    leenarajaryan Silver IL'ite

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    Superb storyline Akanksha.. thanks for coming with a new story.. wish to read more at the earliest.
     
  8. Rampuri9

    Rampuri9 Silver IL'ite

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    Good Start AK
    loved to read the story
     
  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey Lata. Thanks for your feedback. Have been missing all of you. Have been quite busy over the last few months. But my heart is always here.

    let's find out about Poorvank but aaram se...
     
  10. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Haha... thanks PS. You have a lot of expectations from me and that scares me. I hope I am able to meet your expectations.
    Honestly, I just have not thought through the story completely so not sure where we will land up. But it will be interesting.
     

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