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“the Leadership Ambition Gap: What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?” (lean In)

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by buddingleader, Nov 6, 2016.

  1. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone!

    Here we meet again. I did some thinking about my internal barriers and figured out a few. Trust me. I really did some serious thinking. Now I will have to start working on overcoming them. That’s the one which is actually important. Let me update later on how it is going.

    But for now, let me ask something. Did you ever think about how women were 50 years ago? Huh.. ok… Do you think that we are in a better society compared to that? The answer is yes, isn’t it? I have heard many stories on how women were denied education, or even forced stay at home those days. Our society is way better compared to that, isn’t it? So, ofcourse we are moving towards gender equality. But are we in the right place yet? That’s the question which is bothering me.

    Let’s rewind my life. Couple of years back, I was in my office cafeteria with one of my female colleagues. In between our busy work schedule, coffee break is something I look forward to. I was quite enjoying my delicious cup of coffee and chit-chatting with her. She pointed a man who was sitting in the table beside us and told that he was her classmate. I knew him already. He was part of the top management in our company. She added mockingly that he was not good in academics and was just an average student. She also told me about her academic grades, which were pretty good. I knew that she is talented too. To be frank, she has so many qualities which a leader should possess. That’s when something struck me. Men are successful professionally compared to their female counterparts, who are equally competent to them. I even observed that few women from my college quit their jobs or still struggling at the entry level jobs. How did that happen?

    Let me tell you another incident. The intern who joined my team recently is quite enthusiastic and expressed her eagerness in learning various things. On seeing her eagerness, one of my colleagues said in a funny way, “Why do you bother so much? Anyway in a year or two you will get married and then it is your husband’s duty to earn. So, enjoy your life.” To a guy, my colleague wouldn’t have told the same thing, would he? To add to this, the lady who heard the comment didn’t even oppose this. What’s wrong here?

    The answer for both the incidents is pretty simple. Women are made to believe that her family comes first before work. Actually work is not even in her to-do list. On the other hand, men were brought up saying that their career is more important. So, instead of dreaming about their career, women dream about their future husband. So, however much they are talented, finally they will get arrested within family bounds. So, basically there is a huge ambition gap. Women just don’t thrive to become a leader, irrespective of whatever talents they possess.

    Sheryl pointed this out stating that women don’t characterize themselves as “leaders,” “visionaries,” “self-confident,” and “willing to take risks”. They strongly feel doing so is against social values. Society made us believe that. She also mentioned that “she is very ambitious” is never a compliment. Ambitious women are often termed as adamant ones. In midst of all the barriers imposed on us, she wants us to feel free, forget these barriers and think about something important. What will you do if you are not afraid? So, give me a break. I have a task at hand. What will I do if I am not afraid of anything?

    Catch you soon with the next chapter – “Sit at the Table”. Until then, bye!
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True. Yes I have / had this internal barrier too. Now I think I will put down this Barrier.
     
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  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice write-up, well explained with examples,
    In my starting career days one colleague told for aman job is important, it is for family, and he talked women job is nothing like that, but truth is not so, they are lot of providers/bread winners in women too,
    Especially in lower income groups , in India once I went to Ayurvedic massage and gave her tip, she said she is going to buy some medicine bottle for her son.
    Contrary to the view that women spend on dresses, makeup , jewels etc

    I mean to say people see women job/pay is less valuable than man.
    If home maker/raising kids etc viewed as important as outside jobs then balance happen, in life all play a role,

    I wrote something not leadership related though
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2016
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The guy's comment was not appropriate. The woman's lack of response might have been due to surprise or she believes in letting her work speak for her.

    But, was the guy totally inaccurate? Chances of a woman taking off from work due to family are higher than a man.

    As a pep talk, "what will you do if you are not afraid?" is a great question. More important is - can a woman forget the reality like biological clock, family commitments, maybe her own preference to remain on a slow-track, the long hours expected in any job now-a-days?

    It is easy to write such books and issue motivational slogans and questions. Reality is women struggling to manage work and home, and unable to afford the hired help that richer women can. Simply putting the onus on women to lean in, and on men to support their women is not enough, Sheryl and others need to list more tangible steps that men, women, employers, and society at large can work on.
     
  5. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    buddingleader,

    Nicely written!

    Your female colleague is also wrong. Men go through a lot to move up their career too. The challenges we face are different than the challenges they face. How can we blame men for being biased when women are also biased towards men?
    In a work environment, grades and contribution from the college/school matter only till the time of placement. Everyone gets a fresh start once they join a company. May be the guy did something different from that point to succeed.
    By these statements, I am not saying that women don't suffer. Women do suffer and struggle a lot career wise when compared to men.

    He shouldn't have said that to her and that is springing from the thinking that men have that kind of freedom to say anything to women. But that is partly true. She was right in not responding. Keeping quiet is better than talking back and falling victim for office politics or even name-calling and getting her image damaged. She may be the person who wants her work to speak for herself... may be she doesn't care about what others say or maybe she gave the silent treatment....most are scared about the aftermath that may happen after engaging in such a conversation.

    This belief may be true in our society, but this is common in other societies too that do not tell women to put her family first. Work is in the to-do list. For women, work comes after life-partner, marriage, children etc. For men, work almost always comes in the first place. Any society doesn't have a positive outlook towards a man who wants to be a stay at home dad or even if a man wants to take a break its not received well. Women have more flexibility in this area.

    For a change I would like to hear such statements from a woman leader who did not have her life handed over on a silver platter.

    Sandberg wanted all women to lean in and become leaders for a certain time. After couple of years she said its ok for a woman to not lean with certain ifs and buts. :yikes:She needs to get her thoughts together before spilling such words sitting in such a position.

    Which brings me to the end of my post... we need to choose for ourselves and prioritise. In case, just in case, it becomes an accepted norm of the society that an ambitious woman is not adamant, all women should become leaders and all women feel free and are not afraid, what then? Will this solve the guilt in the mind of a woman who never marries or never has children? What about those who want to stay in a certain place and be leaders in that area? A woman can be in a 9 to 5 job, work and manage kids and be the leader of her family and the future generation. Or she can also be a SAHM and be the leader for the future generation. There is nothing wrong with these options.

    Women should choose and prioritise what works for them and those they care about. They should be free of all the other factors.
     
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  6. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your comment. Sindmani, Its time for all of us to get rid of our internal barriers.
     
  7. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your views. KashmirFlower, Its true. But I won't say all are seeing women so. But mostly of them do. Keep reading and share your feedback :)
     
  8. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Your post is thought provoking. Thanks for dropping in.

    They guy may not be totally inaccurate. But my intention is not even asking all women to stay in workforce. The important thing in one's life - We should follow what our heart says. Lets take a women who wants to grow higher in career. I think she should be free to pursue her dream.

    After child birth, I am not really sure how many men will offer to quit job and take care of the child. Even If he does, do you think society will accept his move? But after child birth, women are expected to quit their jobs and take care of the child if the situation demands. If she is doing it voluntarily, its totally a different story. But If she is forced to do it, that's what I am bothered about.

    I came across a Hindi movie "Ki & Ka", in which Hero wants to be a homemaker. They would have underlined slightly how society react to such behavior.

    I do agree we are actually struggling to manager work and home. And ofcourse, not all could afford a full time maid to take care of the kids. But I do see men are not getting affected due to the same factor. Atleast majority of them. That gap is something that worries me.

    Do share your inputs regularly. I was glad to see your post. Keep Reading!!!
     
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  9. buddingleader

    buddingleader Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your feedback! I felt few of your points were exactly as I think too.

    Exactly, I think the same way too. For women just struggle more than men. Managing work and home is bit hectic. But men suffer too. I am denying that.

    I agree that flexibility is there. But in few cases, women are expected to quit their job for their family sake. What if they don't want to? We all talk about equality. But I don't really think men and women are treated equally. There is a to-do list for men and there is another to-do list for women. We won't be seen as a criminal if we want to other's to-do list. I just hope that such thoughts change in the future generation.

    I have seen many men who are successful even after marriage and kids. The same rule should apply to women too. Why can't we have it all?

    I just threw in my thoughts. Please keep reading and share your feedback. Its been a very productive input from your end.
     

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