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“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.”

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by iyerviji, Jan 26, 2014.

  1. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Editor's Note: Dear IL'ites, iyerviji has shared some wonderful facts on what makes a marriage stronger and is featured here . Please have a look and share it with your friends. iyerviji, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. Your post has been chosen as the best of forums!

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    This is in response to Induslady's post
    What Wives Can Do For a Strong Marriage

    Marriages are made in heaven. It is said Manaivi amaivadellam Iraivan kudutha varam, same can be said for kanavan also but noone has said about it I think, which means it is God's gift to get a good wife. All wives are good no doubt, it all depends on their circumstances. When a woman marries she is not only married to a man but also to the family. Its the union of two families and it is in the hands of the woman to make the marriage successful.

    I was married at a time when parents used to believe that woman should adjust to the family they are married and once married they did not want their daughter to come back to their house. They are told whatever it is they should adjust and be a role model in the house. Since each family is different and we are brought up in a different manner in our house, it takes time to adjust and once we adjust then no problem to lead a happy life. First we have to know each one's nature and be with them accordingly.

    Some come from a well to do family and if they are married to a family where they have to be economic it becomes difficult for them. Its necessary for them to adjust with them and be economic because of this they have indifferences. So better think before getting married to such a family so that they dont have regrets later.

    I was married to a big family and each and everyone including the men were all experts in cooking. I was not so good in cooking, so beginning it was difficult for me as I felt inferior to them. But they were all good with me and whenever any function is there they never used to keep any caterer in the earlier days as that time they were not well off and everyone used to be seen in the kitchen. Since I had not seen my brothers in the kitchen I used to feel odd. But slowly I got adjusted and learnt everything with the help of my dh. Now everyone is well settled and now they keep caterers for any function.

    My husband is a very simple man and has come up in life because of his being economic and if we are leading a peaceful and happy life in our retired life its because of his being economic. Where as I spend a lot and in the beginning it was difficult to be without spending. Later I myself learnt because of him that should spend only for what is necessary. Seeing everyone's house I also used to feel like having modern things and he used to tell me let people come to our house for us and not for the things we are having. When his mother was there he used to tell me that you both are my two eyes. He always used to be in the side of the person who is right, like if I am wrong he will correct me and if his mother is wrong he used to tell her .

    As I was taught from childhood to adjust I did not find difficulty in doing that and was liked by everyone in my in law's family. My sisters in law were very loving and give me respect We used to have some indifferences but that wasw only for a short time . For any functions everyone used to work like a team and outsiders always used to say your family is a Role Model to everyone. Our neighbours used to envy seeing all of us so happy. Whatever indifferences or fights are there in a family we should keep it among the four walls because one day there will be fight and the next day it will become alright. When there is any arguement between the spouse they should not have it in front of the children because it might affect them.


    We should never go for looks because they are deceptive. We should always go for a person who has a good heart and makes us smile to make a dark day seem bright. The moments we spent with our special people have to be treasured. Most women are very fond of their sons and when the son gets married they feel insecured. So instead of worrying about that we should be happy that someone is there to worry about our husband and should not go in between them as the mother has the first right, then only the wife . Later the same wife becomes the mother and she will understand. Some sons like their mother's cooking very much and if the wife is not so good in cooking they praise their mother's cooking. Instead of worrying about that it is better to learn to cook well and one day mil will definitely appreciate her dil .


    7 Important things to have and give in your marriage:

    1 LOVE : The special feeling that makes you feel all warm and wonderful.

    2 RESPECT : Treating your spouse as you would like to be treated.

    3 APPRECIATION : To be grateful for all the good things your spouse does for you.

    4 HAPPINESS : The full enjoyment of each moment spent together with a smiling face.
    5 FORGIVENESS: The ability to let things be without anger.

    6 SHARING : The joy of giving without thoughts of receiving.

    7 HONESTY : The quality of always telling the truth






     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2014
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  2. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Vijikka
    It is my honor to give you the first feedback.
    Your life is an excellent example of what a wife can do to strengthen her marriage.

    Marriage is bringing together two individual, very different human beings. We each have our values sets, beleifs, habits etc.
    How we overcome those differences and live together takes a lot of work on both sides.
    There is also a saying, "Aavathum pennaley, azhivathum pennaley" ... Woman is the one who constructs; woman is also the one who destructs.
    So let us women be constructive and take the first step towards strengthening the marriage.
     
    4 people like this.
  3. jasmine25

    jasmine25 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi aunty,
    An inspiring post :) Thanks for sharing wonderful tips along with your experience..Nice to hear your travel....proves your patience and perseverance...you have nailed it in your below sentence
    "Whatever indifferences or fights are there in a family we should keep it among the four walls because one day there will be fight and the next day it will become alright. When there is any arguement between the spouse they should not have it in front of the children because it might affect them"
     
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  4. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamala dear glad to get your first feedback which made my day. Mine is nothing compared to yours dear . You are the best in all fields. Thanks dear for your fb. Husband and wife both together can make a marriage successful. I agree with you dear we woman only should strengthen the marriage
     
  5. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Jasmine dear for your appreciation. Glad you liked the post. Yes dear I believe that we should keep our problems inside the house only
     
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  6. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said, Viji ma. A lot to learn from you and I am glad you took time to share your views with us.
     
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  7. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    The goal of success(including the marriage) is to WORK TOGETHER for a COMMON GOAL.
     
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  8. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Poovai dear glad to get your appreciation . Though old I am also still learning, its my pleasure to share my happiness and sorrows with all of you.
     
  9. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Welcome to my thread and thanks for sharing your views
     
  10. Dragonfly1

    Dragonfly1 Bronze IL'ite

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    Great points Viji Aunty. But just one question- why does mothers get insecure of their DIL who is many cases are younger than their son? Does that mean MIL's compete with dil's?

    And does this feeling of insecurity also come in play with daughter's husband?

    I am young and not so experienced in life so I am interested in knowing the answer to this.
     
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