Split The Family Or Bury My Passion

DDream · Feb 21, 2020

OP, Congrats on your achievement. Never ever give up on your dreams. I am sure you can do it. Keep going girl.

You have already got very good feedback on this. My friend was in a similar situation during residency.
Her husband and elder son stayed in their home in another state as he cannot change his job. My friend took an apartment near her medical school with her younger daughter (<1 yrs that time) & her MIL. If MIL is not there she hired a live in nanny , who also helped to take care of home. Her husband and elder one visited them once in every month or so for almost 3 years.. That's how they managed the whole period. She completed the course and is now practicing. Even now, they hire a nanny if needed. But its expensive. You may have to find ways to finance it. Also you can explore options if your dh can move into the location of your medical school. That will be ideal.

All the best.

Laks09 · Feb 21, 2020

OP - As a primary caregiver to two kids who were of similar ages, I can suggest two things - don’t worry about spending money on a nanny and house keeper, try and take a break without kids to rejuvenate. I also used some tiffin service providers - it wasn’t my food but it was some food.
I think these few months that you have, you can spend and find a good nanny(it took me a lot of tries to get the right one), have a few dabba providers lined up and plan for the two years ahead. My DH did give me two breaks a year without kids(either one or two weeks) so I could go on a vacation and come back refreshed. Is that an option for you? Will you get any breaks from school?
I did have some trouble with the tween hitting teens. All the hired help didn’t help when a coparent and partner was needed. Him acknowledging it, not taking me for granted and most of all, taking over everything when he came home helped a lot. My DH’s schedule has improved a lot now, he’s home on most weekends and kids have grown some. Those years were hard but he supported me a lot and that really helped me as the parent doing the bulk of the parenting.
Btw, regardless of what you do, there are always what ifs. I think we mothers can always drive ourselves crazy by over thinking. Don’t over think. Kids will be fine, DH will be ok and you will make a great Dr. You went to med school because you are passionate about being a Dr. Not everyone who went back then did so for the right reasons. Your passion will help you succeed.

senorita2019 · Feb 26, 2020

i think option one is best. I know one of my friend who did that as her specialty was neonatal and only very few residency available. She used to fly every other weekend and spend time with her family. she booked tickets far ahead of time so price was low.

She used to cook boxes of curries and freeze it for her hubby and 2 kids, make big dabba of dosa batter and keep it, make bulk rotis and freeze it. Her husband typically gave kids cereal for breakfast, lunch was provided in school/daycare, dinner was dosa/rotis/rice and some curry he will defrost and heat it up.

They did this for 2 years and that really worked out for them. of course friends helped out with some babysitting, play dates in weekends. If kids get sick they had a known babysitter locally handy. its very doable and not a big deal.

You can train your elder son to wash some vessels, load washer/dryer, fold clothes etc. it will really help your husband.

goodluck and chase your dreams, dont give up dear.

Halosandwings · Nov 18, 2022

Hi OP,

how are you doing? Which path did you end up choosing?

Viswamitra · Nov 22, 2022

@Vidiyal,

I have nothing but respect for those who pursue their passions whether they are men or women. It is a good idea to live closer to your medical school while your husband continue to live in different state. I am so pleased that your husband is very supportive of your decision.I feel time will fly when you are focused on your goal. Let the kids be with your husband. Still your older child can support your husband in looking after your younger one. They can always travel to your place as and when needed to be together. If you have a proper insurance plan for them, you can bring your parents for six months every year.
I realize you will miss the invaluable time you spend with your children daily. But consider that you are on a mission to pursue your career. Your raising your son all by yourself shows your level of determination. Good luck to you.

happygolucky22 · Nov 28, 2022

Haven’t read all the responses but option 3 sounds the best to me. My cousin also did the same and sent her son for an year with her mom as she now is a qualified and very successful pediatrician here in US. Her son had a blast in india and it turned out way better than sending them to daycare while they get infections so often . You persue your dreams as this age of 2 is a good time. Your older child can live with your dh as he’s in middle school. Please don’t feel mom guilt which is devised only for moms by our patriarchal society. Think what a man would do and you’ll clearly get your answer. It’s your turn to enjoy your life

godsgp · Jan 22, 2023

Hey Vidiyal.
Please share your journey too .
Maybe in a separate thread.
How did you study with two kids
How did you score on the MCAT?Which med school did you get into.
God knows you'll be an inspiration for how many silent listeners here.
All the best