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Women In Comfort Zone Always Complaining

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Emarald, Feb 11, 2020.

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  1. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    :astonished::kissingheart: Such a sergeant major in relationship counseling !!
    How irritated are you ? In a scale that goes from "destroy that woman's life" ...... to ....."stop her from calling my husband, and get her out of my life" ?

    Day-time television dramas keep offering solutions to this dilemma over and over again.

    I would recommend watching TV from about 10 AM to 4 PM everyday for about 2 months. If you are a quick learner it may be just a couple of weeks. And then you would see your way clear as to how you'd want to deal with your problem, based on your own proclivities for vendettas, opinions about your husband's deservedness for some punishment, and your desire for the outcomes to the woman who annoys you.

    Please describe your daytime TV watching habits, so that we may modify the schedule so as to make it educational.
     
    Vaikuntha, Sunshine04 and Thyagarajan like this.
  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Here is a nice story you can listen to:
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Is she your friend and not a couple friend?
    If so..I am surprised her husband is so tolerant with your husband's 'mediation'.

    If so...just tell her your husband is tired of the rakhi brother nonsense and doesn't want to be involved in your drama.

    If she is just your friend and giving you grief ...then just cut her out ( if that is what you want)and save your peace of mind.Let your husband know that you are doing this.

    If they are a couple friend and your husband enjoys their friendship ,then tell them you value their friendship and hence won't get involved in their issues.Do it when both are present.

    If you enjoy her friendship except for her cribbing and rakhi brother expectations....learn to change the topic.

    Tell her your husband is not interested in rakhi brother interventions.
    If she cribs about her family....tell her " yaar ,no family is perfect...lets talk of something else and enjoy life "
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    :p:cool:
     
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  5. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi, I feel your husband is majorly at fault for being so gullible and pulled into others'lives . Raakhi brother simply means like platonic relationship, it doesn't mean that he will actually interfere in her family or take responsibilities like a real brother .
    After marriage, he should maintain distance from unnecessary close relationships with women to discuss their personal life. Every friendship should have boundaries especially after marriage. Tomorrow if her husband comes to know she is discussing her personal life issues with your husband, I dont think he will take it kindly- and your husband will lose face in society.
    Your husband is very immature- firstly you both should be on same page- if some toxic person keeps telling you are money minded for having a job, then your husband should not entertain that person so closely. Tell your husband that you have decided to quit job on your friends'advice- hopefully that will put some sense in him.

     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2020
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  6. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

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    OP, By your description of your friend, it looks like that is her personality, a complaint baby. No advice can change her personality. If she is cribbing about silly issues, just listen to her and say "this is an ongoing issue in many homes" and move on to a completely unrelated topic. She will get the hint if you wish to move away from her.
    If your husband is not interested to mediate, tell him not to pick her calls often or to excuse himself from the calls.
     
  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    yellowmango,
    My background info' on this rakhi (nonsense) is non-existent to poor. I have learnt from bollywood movies (with English subtitles) that this rakhi thing is a wrist-tie girls give to boys when they don't want those specific boys hope for a "relationship" in the western sense, which involves getting serious about birth-control devices. By elimination, when girls don't give such a wrist-tie to boys, those specific boys are supposed to get a green-signal for the go ahead with birth-control planning and possible opportunities for nookies.

    Anyhow....I know that my thinking is pretty simplistic, and there could be cases where such wrist-tie schemes could be camouflage for an underlying/ongoing hanky-panky.

    Perhaps the OP is suspicious about this scheme - after all: how can a girl choose between two, three, four, or (algebraically speaking) "n" good looking guys, and troth to have it only with ONE ? This choice of just one, must seem a complete nonsense, no? This wrist-tie camouflage scheme called rakhi may have been originally devised to promise all comers an equity stake (of varying level of ownership) in the affections of the girl offering those ties. Not exactly an IPO, but a venture capital contract.

    I am sure we'll have a further discussion on the matter.
     
  8. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    Don't let your husband get into any more "rakhi" scheme. Haven't you heard "din mei bhaiya,..."
    Does he have cousin sister or real sister? Tell him- they are the only sisters- forever- no more rakhi sisters.

    Next, slowly cut out this woman from your life. Any female, getting 'very close' to your husband (unless real sisters or MIL) - the idea should be to 'cut them out'.

    Definition of 'very close' will depend you. E.g. it can mean- if some woman wants to call him to discuss her marital problems with him.
    This definition of 'very close' also applies in your case. This kind of sharing will amount to emotional closeness and later on emotional affair.

    Since you work outside home, it more important to keep only good people around your family.
     
  9. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP, Listen to the people commented above. that woman sounds like a toxic person who doesn't go with your values and belief system. Talk with your DH and tell him slowly back off from entertaining her idea of "mediation" between she and her husband.
     
  10. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks all for reply. I am trying to keep distance. It’s couple friend who lives in neighborhood very close from us. She barge in any time without calling. My husband is very social person and miss his friends and family. He feel honored if anyone calls him for help or anyone visit to chit chat. He come to know real nature of people very late. I tried telling him to distance but he feels we have very limited people here to rely on. But we can never rely on lazy people like her any way.
    I don’t preach anyone anything unless someone crib continuously. She told me her mother and sister ask her money. Later I came to know her mother lives alone and her husband has to send money for her survival. Her father passed away leaving nothing at all. So I advised her to take job and send money to mother. Her kids are grown up in high school and college. She had u s citizenship for long, she had car house everything. I see so many young mothers who want to work but cannot because of visa issues And or no car, small kids etc. that made me advise her to work. she has energy to do shopping eating in restaurants everyday but no energy for job that annoys me. She keeps calling me and husband for tea and show her new shopping that irritates me. Then she tells how her husband is angry and not supporting her, all he want money blah blah. My husband is watching this but does it realize anything. In our group whenever we have potluck party she says she doesn’t have time to cook but want to go party and show off.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2020
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