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Cutting Off Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reena26, Feb 10, 2020.

  1. preeti6years

    preeti6years Silver IL'ite

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    Thats the best way to deal with when all our positive efforst arent considered.
    My situation is even more challenging as we live with them. On and off we had major tiffs last year and I decided that its high time to cut them off my mind. But since we stay together, at times it just becomes mandatory for some formal communication which I do for the sake of my husband.
    I behave as if they dont exist at home otherwise. Now a days I even stopped eating what she cooks. I cook for myself.
    She treats me very badly when ever she gets a chance. My dh says he would not want to open his mouth for trivial issues. Hence I deal it with my own. If she picks up I respond in the same manner to her. I make the situation so intense that DH will pitch in and will ask his mom to shut up.
    I wouldn't have minded if she was the same to everyone, thinking that its her nature and nothing can be done about it. But she is quite sweet and friendly towards my cosis. She treats that couple very royally though ILs are taken care by us. I feel that she treats them well because they are abroad and earn much more than us, because to my MIL money is everything.
    All these things pained me so much and hence I had decided not to consider them as existing living beings at home. I also made it very clear to dh that, the house is mine only in his presence and not mine even for a second if he isnt there.
     
  2. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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  3. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    I feel lucky that I realized early on in my marriage what was going on and now my husband will no longer bring his parents to the USA. She - my MIL stole my mental peace. She came and tried to brainwash me and my husband against my family. She made my husband believe my parents did nothing for me. I actually for a moment turned against my family. I never knew my right to call the police when they were harassing me mentally and trying to keep me away from my family. They say they have educated thinking. That there is no difference between a boy child and a girl child. But then they tell me I don’t have a right to care for my parents as long as my brother is there. She is a hypocrite. She herself had big problems with her MIL. Refused to live with her. She found a submissive husband and made sure he took care of her family first. She now lives in the same block of flats as her brother and her parents. Her parents meet her and come to eat at her house. But until now her MIL had to live in a building that was falling down. My fear is letting my son go to India. I am scared she will try to put words in my husbands ears.
     
  4. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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  5. winterhue

    winterhue Gold IL'ite

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    I was in India till 2013 and lived in a metro city near my parents and a 2 hr drive from my in-laws. MIL has a huge ego and an even bigger superiority complex, but life was ok - until my second pregnancy. I got to know the true color of my MIL and even then, never disrespected or cut her off. After moving to the US, i still had the whole fallacy of "they are after all parents, I should not be the one disrespecting them" until year after year, visit after visit , my MIL would undermine me, compete with me and make me a complete stranger in my own home. In 2017, I decided enough was enough . I havent completely cut them off - but my communicaiton with her is BARE minium. I dont call anymore. I say "hello, how are you , hope everything is fine" during the weekend video chat that my husband has with them. I dont send them gifts anymore and when they visit, I remain absent all the time - I dont plan anything special for them, I dont take her out shopping and try to fulfill all her wishes like I used to. Life is so much better now.
     
    sindmani and Rihana like this.
  6. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    I have tried to make peace with myself. But I still become mentally depressed at times. I pray to god each night to show me the way. It is so hard because she is my husbands mother. Then I have my husbands brother and co-sis I have to deal with.
     
  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    You don't need to adjust for your bil or cosis.
     
  8. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    I’m confused by your last post . You are depressed by their past action or your present reaction ?
     
  9. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    I feel worried about the consequences of severing ties. My husbands brother and co-sis live in Pune with their 18 month old daughter. My son is growing up here and is 6.5 years old. So there is a big age gap as well as culture and language difference. I worry that the older the child becomes, they will demand more interaction between the two. More FaceTime calls etc. I do not want to be selfish and want my son to know his cousin. At the same time, I don’t want to force him away from his own beliefs, thinking etc. it’s so hard - it feels like brainwashing what I see in India. As parents we do have to teach our kids basic things - to be a good and kind human being. To respect all religions, cultures, classes. That’s what I want to teach him. He is his own person outside of myself and my husband. He doesn’t show an interest in talking on FaceTime. We have tried many times. I am scared they will turn against me and say I am responsible for this or I am coming between the relations.
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Young children take their cues from their parents, often the mother:
    You will "let" your husband take your child to India?

    He is 6.5 yrs old. :blush:
     
    SunPa and sandhya2020 like this.

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