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A Sense Of Discontentment And Overwhelm!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Srama, Jan 5, 2020.

  1. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    That sense of overwhelm I feel is incredible and unexplainable. I have just finished reading a book. I understand the discontent the protagonist feels; I feel the urge he feels to delve deeper; the sense of overwhelm he feels. I wish I had the courage to seek the way he does though! Well, tell you what, I cannot be all that because I have stopped at the stage of feeling a sense of overwhelm and that’s it. I am a pretty balanced person even if I say so myself. I have a routine, a schedule and I work hard at doing things the way they should be done and give my beyond so that when I put my head to that pillow, I fall asleep before you can count to 10. Nah! Who am I kidding before you count to 5. Yes, it is that easy. People who know me well have stories to tell about my abilities to fall asleep.

    Anyways that is not the point. The point is this - two weeks of vacation from routine. It has not done me good at all. I tell you what else has bugged me - Christmas and the New year falling on a Wednesday. I didn't like it at all. I had thought ahead or so I thought and actually it was not much ahead as you will soon see. I figured out that during the first week of break if I work out on Monday, there is no class Wednesday. So, I decide to skip thinking I will be back to routine before I realize, the next week I mean. So having missed my workout the week of Christmas, I decide I need to get back to routine and head out to the gym that Monday morning only to find that my instructor is replaced by a brand new one - an elderly woman at that, for the day. Her workouts do not correspond to the beginning and the end of the songs she plays in such low volume matching her low voice. I am contemplating my next move - stay put or quit when she decides to step off her bike and go to a spot where she can see. See! I mean where she can actually read her analog watch – for time! I am ready to scream; I must be crazy to be up at 5.30 during break to work out trying to maintain a routine. I hear her go since I can see better from here, let me work you from here and oh boy with that did she give us a workout or what! Some people are just that! Simply good teachers.

    I get off the bike feeling refreshed yet yearning for another half hour of extreme workout only to realize that there is no class again that Wednesday! Thanks to the New Year falling in the middle of the week. Didn’t I tell you? So, the discontentment grows, and I end up doing the one thing I do not do in my otherwise busy life -- login into my social media life. I am shocked. I am overwhelmed and I am drawn in a myriad ways! I feel the overwhelm that the protagonist of the book feels when he comes to a little village from a few weeks of seclusion. I empathize with him. I want to go back to my burrow and hide.

    But all I do is look at all the dials and various knobs on the dashboard. Unlike the overwhelm I had felt earlier, I know I can conquer each one of these and the sense of overwhelm that seems to come with that, naturally. All those knobs and dials are trying to tell me something that will only keep me safe and I am willing to pay attention and learn so that I know I can manage. I hear my instructors voice going non-stop in my head. I wake myself up! I am seated in my usual spot in the dining room with a cup of coffee. The coffee has gone cold. I look at my cup, smiling. I look out the window, it is sunny now and cloudy next, the sun choosing to play peekaboo in the plummeting temperatures. I look at the bare branches outside, the dry grass, the flowering beds empty. I can only think of the leaves and the various colored, shaped, types of flowers that will be in bloom soon, well in a couple of months at least. I think of the nests, the birds, the fish in the pond, the dogs playing outside, the bunnies multiplying and the Fibonacci sequence – all of them telling me their own stories and I realize that all of that does not feel that over whelming! I wonder why! I see the natural order pleasing to my senses in the outside world.

    I have been thinking for some time now, well at least these past two weeks. I wonder how my grandmothers and mother found contentment so easily. My day, if not bound by a schedule has a mind of its own. As much as I believe in mindfulness and try being present in every activity I do, I realize mindfulness is not the problem. The problem is the activity itself! You see it can extend to eternity! I realize what I lack is discipline – a disciplined way of doing things if I am not bound by outside element of work! Mindfulness has no relevance if I am not able to manage my days well. I think of my grandmother making breakfast, doing her pooja, eating lunch, napping or doing some work that will keep her occupied post lunch, consulting between 3 and 6 as an Ayurvedic doctor, getting ready for the evening – basically finding meaning in every day’s existence. I think of the disciplined way in which she lived. I think of my mom who had emulated her, her MIL in many ways. Now I understand where they got their strength from, their sense of relevance from. They didn’t have to run around to make themselves relevant. They were relevant exactly where they were – just like a tree with widespread branches giving shelter to those who seek, not questioning, soaking up the seasons as they came and blooming when they can, withering when they should!

    Winding up my yoga class with the only student who has chosen to come during the break, as I stay in a child’s pose transitioning easily from one pose to another, I feel a sense of surrender and overwhelm! Finally, a good overwhelm.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I came to a similar realization recently. Or maybe came to it again recently. : ) Not being bound by outside element of work. After a day of activity extending to eternity, I talked with myself about myself in the third person: "Look, she (I) is happy if tangible, definite things get done and can be crossed off or written down as done in the day's list. So, please let's focus on getting things done." : )

    Discipline. They had that and in some ways could have that. The days they stepped away from the discipline used to be big events. Our lifestyle does not allow for that rigorous a discipline, but definitely routine and habit are worth adding to our days.

    "They didn't have to run around to make themselves relevant." So accurate. At one shot, I recalled aunts and grandmother's on both my mother's and father's side who were so relevant and sought after, gave shelter and did not question.

    A "good overwhelm" - nice. Something to aim for in a workout or a gently busy day.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2020
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  3. sln

    sln Platinum IL'ite

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    You have hit the nail on the head.You dont seek relevance but it should happen like a silent brook flowing through the forest enriching the flora and fauna.There is difference between anything done out of enjoyment on the one hand and compulsion on the other hand.You have done justice to the sense of restlessness that engulfs many nowadays.
    SLN
     
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  4. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Sabita,
    Thought provoking.
    We do not judge many times if we are enjoying what we are doing. We make a big list of things we have to do and make a routine of doing those things. Yes....routine gives security and we tick off the things that we have done. If not by any reason we are not able to do we are restless. Routine is a sort of cocoon. Overwhelming moments are there even in a set of routine. But if we do something out of routine, as you have written this blog, putting your feelings on paper....this is more and more overwhelming!!!!
    Our mother, grandmother....they are more contented and relevant because their list is smaller and they are happy. We pine for more and more.....all do not fit in our lives and we become restless!
    Syamala
     
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  5. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sabitha @Srama

    I just sat down with my pen and paper (yes I still use pen and paper) to plan my day and the week, when I read your post.

    First, I have made arrangements for you so that for the next few years Christmas and New Year will not fall on a Wednesday. Till 2025 to be exact. :)

    Believe me, whenever I have some major plans for any day, the day has also has different major plans for me. I have experienced this multiple times that, nowadays whenever I make a plan I also set aside a blank page for the day to fill it up.

    Contentment is easy when we know we have done all that we can for our loved ones.
    We need to understand our limits and there is no need to prove that we are super-woman to anybody. That was where our grandmothers and mothers came from. They did what they can and what was needed for their family.

    The moment we let the thought "oh what will they think" into our minds, we lose our happiness, our contentment. We let "them" control and govern our thoughts, actions, and deeds.
    Having realized this from my own experience I have begun let go of the outside world.

    At the end of each day, as we take stock of our actions, as long as we know we did not intentionally do harm in thoughts or deeds to anyone, we will be content.

    Right now there are a multitude of tasks awaiting my attention that were not taken care of the past two months.
    Now I have to start all over again.
    The list is daunting, and I am also overwhelmed.
    After I post this I am going to break it down to what I can accomplish every day.

    Thanks for this timely article...
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2020
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  6. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @Rihana ,

    Thank you for your first feedback. Sometimes I wonder if I am losing it, especially with that sense of overwhelm. I am learning to weed out and focus on only what's necessary. Seems more relevant while teaching and may be a skill that needs to be taught as well, to my students I mean. Not been easy! I constantly remind myself and my students that we can multi task but cannot multi focus. I agree with you that our past generations may have had it a tad bit easier at least with the information overload part of it. Yet, it is necessary for us to learn that skill I think. Thank you for your inputs. I know you are my twinsie and I am not all surprised you were thinking on the same lines.
     
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  7. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @sln sir,

    You have expressed so poetically what I intended to. Enjoyed reading that senctence :)
    Thank you for your warm feedback. Appreciate it.
     
  8. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Syamala,

    As always such a well thought out feedback. Yesterday spent a night out with my girlfriends and they were commenting as to how it is virtually impossible to get me during the break. This break has been different. I enjoyed it and I enjoyed all the feelings that came with it as well!

    You have succinctly put what I intended to say!
    It indeed is a cocoon and every now and then we have to break that to emerge and pour out, learn and grow. Reading that book was calming at the same time overwhelming! So! There it is!
     
  9. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Kamala,

    That starts my day with a bang! Five more years before I face this challenge again. You made me smile with that assurance. Who knew such a little thing would throw me off so much!
    I know you are a planner and a list maker. I tried it once - I am sure I went about it all wrong. But here's what I did - I started jotting down in a notebook all the things I needed to do for the day, every day. Soon I realized that I had ticked off very few as done. But the eternal optimist that I am, it made my day to see that I actually had some check marks and I had also diligently carried over tasks not done to next day. I quite enjoyed it. Perhaps time to do it again. A New Year resolution? :biggrin:
    Very wisely put. I can see how they can craw contentment. While I focus on that as well, very often I am left wondering all that some seem to be doing...global issues et al. That's all I was thinking about.

    I have no doubt you will and I shall take inspiration from you and make that list and put a little check mark when something is done and that will no doubt make me smile as well. What a lovely little addition to have in a day.
     
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  10. girvani

    girvani Platinum IL'ite

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    Dearest @Srama

    Wish you and yours a happy new year. I just loved you because you can say what is in your mind so eloquently so that we can pictures what you are conveying. I resonated with you in many. This break I completely surrendered might self and did only the necessities so that I get rejuvenated. It actually worked very well. Now I am so ready to be on my routine and make everyday better than the previous day. Thank you.
    Love
    Vani
     
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