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Fuming Today....:(

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    The best thing you can do is develop a thick skin. If I were in a situation where I didn’t have to work to support our family there are a 1000 ways I would be able to productively use my time, especially if it came with being able to spend more time with my child. As it happens, I have chosen to remain in a lower-paying job than I can get with my skill set because I love the work, the environment and the flexibility. So even though I work I have had my share of snide comments as to why I am not earning to my full potential . I am also blessed with the hide of a buffalo when it comes to any remarks and people seldom make the mistake with me twice.When one spouse is in a stressful job it helps greatly if the other can take care of routine stuff. I have to agree with your husband here. Simply going to a job may not give you immunity from idle commentators and you have to see if the trade off is worth it in the long run.
     
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  2. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think more than getting a job for the sake of it, you need to heal your childhood traumas. Circumstances that destroy our self worth during childhood and teens are beyond our control, but as an adult you can work on these and regain them back. You are letting every tom dick and Harrys opinion get to you, thats not normal. By mid 30s even the most sensitive people should develop some level of thick skin. Otherwise life can be very tough to deal with. In a professional environment if people sense your under confidence, that will create another set of issues, the world isn't kind.
    If I were in your place I would look into wellness industry for career options, like yoga teacher or reiki teacher . meditation teacher etc.. You will heal yourself while helping others and voila, you will have a fancy answer when someone asks you what you do.
     
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  3. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    And while your husband maybe right in his point that this isn't the most practical idea, he could have handled this more sensitively ,Knowing that you feel very alone in the us and that you have a lot of self worth issues. You need to work as a team, brainstorm solutions, discuss and talk to each other. You should be convincing on why you dont want to wait for another few years and for that you should be convinced yourself.
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:I liked this response to the core.
    2. The words are couched in such a way the reader feels that you are making these statements to OP in person.
    3. OP will have to brood over it.
    Thanks and Regards.
    God bless.
     
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  5. googleearth

    googleearth Silver IL'ite

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    I think your before and after care total is $210 + $180 thats ~ $400 not $300 which means you get only $100 per month. You should totally look for baby sitting start with 1-2 kids. I had a friend who baby sat husbands colleagues child only 1 child for $600 per month much below market rate and individual care both the parties were happy. Start with the lady who asked you pick up her child tell her you charge $10 per hour make your misery into opportunity! Anika I really want you to work and get that extra cash flow for yourself to have fun I was in your shoes for many years and the things that I heard that time still makes my blood boil.
     
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  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Babysitting is a win win situation for both parties.
    Anika, you get paid.
    The parents get child care cheaper than daycare costs.
     
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  7. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987 yes babysitting is great job especially in USA. Why can't you take necessary training like CPR certification and other related course for baby development...this will help for babysitting job.
     
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  8. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Anika - these words of yours are the most revealing to me of what it is that affects you so much about not working. For quite some time, I have been puzzled by your position and why the numerous suggestions by IL members over various threads aren't helping you. You have actually mentioned this backstory may not be "related" much - but I think it might be the core of many of the things that are affecting you.

    A two day job at really low pay - will definitely not help address the "words" of others that is causing your a lot of anguish.

    Maybe a therapist to really listen to all your concerns, worries from your long-ago childhood and provide you the re-assurance and confidence of your current capabilities (which are numerous from what I can tell :)) - might be the most helpful. And then restart the job search to find something most suitable for you.

    Sometimes - we hear and believe things that are not really being said by others - because of our vulnerabilities that makes us perceive certain words differently - and I worry and also hope that is not the case here.

    Also 10$ is below the legal minimum wage (which is 12$) in California (I recall someone mentioning you are in the bay area). Even at a University town - almost every on-campus job paid that or higher. So this was for students who have only a high-school education. I would be very weary of an employer paying such a low amount (trying to justify it via your long employment gap).
     
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  9. EightKittens

    EightKittens Silver IL'ite

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    Since you mentioned that it isn't about the job in particular, or the role that you care so much - I was wondering about the feasibility of you working from home/ starting a business? I'm sure you must have looked at this. But I wanted to ask you to look at this from a different angle. So in another post you also talked about having issues with other people's perceptions of your intellectual capabilities. And how you want to prove them wrong by possibly working in IT.

    So first, I really, really wish you'd hopefully see a therapist/ counselor to talk about this. Because I think the bullying you faced as a child hurt you very, very badly. And that's why you are allowing your extremely vulgar neighbors and rude relatives to continue to bully you.

    Secondly, there are many different kinds of intelligence. Writing code is just one very narrow type of skill. I'm honestly not sure if I'd even classify it as a form of intelligence [ i.e. skill vs. intelligence]. I'm not saying that you are not talented in STEM fields. You may be, you may not be. But STEM isn't the end all and be all of the world. I know that India, we are all obsessed with STEM. But there are other fields and talents that you could explore. If you let go of the burden of other people's opinions, you might find yourself finally free to explore your true talents. You'll be able to truly blossom, and be the best version of who you are meant to be.

    And with respect to your husband, I can see both of your view points. I understand that you really need to have your identity. And on the other hand your husband possibly sees that you are letting outsiders opinions matter more to you than his opinions and actual problems. He possibly feels unsupported by you in this. So I'd say maybe you could try to see this from his point of view, and not just think of it as something that's just about money. From your posts in general, I believe that your husband has been quite supportive. So, I'd say give him a pass on this, maybe?
     
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  10. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Home makers make A HOME... I don't get how come it is not good enuf to be proud of.

    Secondly, you have major regrets and you are dragging a truck of past with you everywhere; not to mention scared of others judgement on you. Unless, you get rid of this shite; it will be same shite different year. Once you sort yourself out... everything else will follow too, job or something else. Job seems to be a symptom, the root cause seems something else here.

    Let the past drain in the past ; show the finger to the judges and feel good for your investment that you have put in to bring up a family. That day the a Happy New Year will start.

    Self pity ruins you inside out. Good luck...a second life starts when you realise you only got one.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
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