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Anyone Living Separated And Also No Kids ???

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Star25, Nov 25, 2019.

  1. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Op

    Please be strong and ask support whenever needed. You are not alone. There are many many women trapped in bad marriages but stucked only because of kids. Once you have kid it's 24 hours 365 days your responsibility. You cannot sleep or take rest initial years till baby is 2 year old. Only mother has to do baby s work without help. All women get exhausted in that period and loose health. You might feel married women with kids and house are happy, it's wrong perception. Many husband's don't care about wife and kids. They are self centered and exploit wife. God has given you chance to start your life fresh. Rebuild your self. Study for higher education and get better job. Don t be dependant on anybody. Have goals in life like better health, better job, better life then you will not feel lonely.
     
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  2. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Please get rid of your fear that your parents will forget you if you moved away. Clinging to someone is not an answer to being loved. you cannot force someone to talk to you. Your parents might have a better relationship with you if you moved out and stayed independently by yourself.

    You are obviously not getting the emotional help from them that you want. Your life maybe needs a little shake up? Try and find a roommate and live in your own apartment. If you have had a gap of 4 yrs, join a course and learn some new skills- cloud and big data analytics is very much in. Make friends at office and try and go out more with them. The best emotional support comes from girlfriends so try and make some.

    You need to get out of the rut that you are in. Being scared and fearful is understandable but you have to make that effort and get out of it. There is so much to see and do in the world. You feel like having a child? Why don’t you go ahead and sponsor someone at your local orphanage? Volunteer sometime at children’s non profits. Why don’t you travel a bit and see the world? Go outside your comfort zone. There is a group called women on wanderlust. Check them out on Facebook. They organize all women’s trips at popular places around the world. A lot of them are single.

    You cannot improve your life by just thinking about it. You would need to actually act on some of the pointers.
     
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  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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  4. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    come and vent, whenever you feel like. Don't vent in real life unless it is a paid counselor. Annulment will be great, because it will not be a divorce, it is as if the marriage never existed.
    I did not have children before separation. Mine were born after I got back in marriage. I had no trouble living alone, I traveled, I watched movies, went to meetups at work; my really close friend was near by, she was always there for me. My parents are also very supportive, although not in US with me. But they are very vocal about supporting, and can stand like "Himalayas" to take all the cold winds from north (read the wrath of society). Even my grandparents- who are very established, socially influential etc, were very supportive, that I get a divorce.
    But all my life, I have made my decisions myself- whether it was study Math instead of Biology or say Engineering instead of MBBS; so I made the decision myself, to stay married.
    Your parents should support you, but may be they are burnt out? I never lived at parent's home after 17th year, so maybe mine were not as burnt out. There is a "laachar" or "unable to help herself" kind of image in the minds of people when they see you living with your parents. Do you really feel like that? I hope you don't, you are not powerless, it is a decision you have made. Own it.
    When living with someone, the daily drudgery is different- did you clean the trash can, did you buy milk, did you put "gas ka number", did you water plants, did run the motor- these do not qualify as the typical 'support' for the persons living in house hold, but it goes a long long way to keep someone mentally grounded, and functioning at optimal level.
     
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  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear @hermitcrab,
    Your post made me really sad. So much so that I had to log in to tell you this.

    Woman and this type of injustice is an age old story I don’t t know what your specifics are. There are many variations. For example, Hillary Clinton who is admired so much now was once made a laughingstock in front of entire world and she chose to stay with her husband and in her marriage.


    You may not have control over your h’s and in-laws words and actions but you do have control over what you think and say to yourself. To call yourself spineless is not correct it is deeply wrong and unjust. It’s easy to destroy but takes a loooot of courage, strength and endurance to return and rebuild. So don’t let me ever catch you using that word again do you hear?
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Practically speaking, divorce without kids is much better than divorce with kids in our context.

    I think you are working, and leading an independent life. If you are not welcomed at your parents' place, you can always move out to live on your own.
    Make your own home, and be occupied there. That itself solves most of your problems for now.

    Buying or renting out a small apartment, perhaps somewhere close to your parents' or siblings place should be the first step.
    Hiring helpers such as maids, specially when you are at home for the chores helps too.
    You can invite work friends, be friendly with new neighbors, try a new dish every now and then and share them with others....
    Invite neighbor kids for now, and enjoy your leisure time with them.
    Do visit your parents and siblings place, and invite them over to your place too.

    You need to live your life, because divorce is not the end of your life.
     
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  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Your parents may be feeling helpless and dont know what to do. May be social pressure. But they will love you and support you. Thsts why you can live with them.

    If you are afraid of loneliness if you stay outside ,then first try a working women's hostel.. You can visit parents whenever needed. Give some reasons to parents to move there. Never take a step like you are angry with them and that's why you are moving out. Keep all relationships intact.. be diplomatic and smart. In India, I have stayed in hostel, paying guest facility and lived alone in an apartment. So if you are worried about loneliness, may be hostel is the option. Once you gain confidence you can try other options. But staying with parents and experiencing their indifference can degrade all your positivity and fighting spirits. That's why most of them posted here suggested you to move out of your parents home.

    Be a fighter OP. You are blessed in many ways . Use that to come out of this mess and explore better options in future. You already wasted 2 years by simply staying in parents home. Time is precious. Your life is in your hands.. always remember that. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2019
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  9. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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    Sure... OK.. Will see what I can do.. It's tough whatever am going thru....thanks a lot for ur encouraging and positive words ..will keep that in mind and move forward...
     
  10. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

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