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A Peculiar Problem - Need Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by KeerthDhan, Nov 15, 2019.

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  1. KeerthDhan

    KeerthDhan New IL'ite

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    Hello all,
    I have to vent and also I look for some opinions/suggestions on how to handle this situation. I am married for 8 years. I have 2 kids. We love each other and we both have full time jobs and our lives have no major problems. My husband is a gem of a person, very honest and he loves me and kids very much. I trust him 100% in everything. He has been with this company for over 10 years, has very good reputation and a he is a hard worker. Now there is a lady in his office who was a good friend of us as like his other co-workers. We invite each other for events and all was good. She was good to me too and she is connected to me via social media. And I was also friendly with her. She also is married and has 2 kids. Now since from the past 2 years she has developed feelings for my husband and she has been pursuing him. It all started slowly with her expressing her feeling for him directly to him. Also to mention her husband also is in the same company and is a very good person but a different team. My husband politely advised her as it’s not a healthy feeling and is not appropriate. He told me all this the same day and we had a good laugh. Few months were fine and they had to go to a different city for a conference and again her emotional drama continued saying she needs him and all that stuff. She was pregnant too at that time. My husband got concerned that she might take some bad decision and tried to stay away as much as he could and also advised her to go counseling to come out of it. Again she started staring at him continuously and talking to him about his feelings all the time. Now my husband has shared every single thing that she did/told to me the same day. He also cannot complaint to the employer to avoid some unnecessary drama and he loves this job. She used to keep WA statuses reflecting this, which nobody will understand except me and my husband. We used to laugh at her and we tried to stay cool and matured through this whole situation. Although I was super annoyed, I never disclosed to her that I know what she had been doing and tried to stay normal to her whenever meeting her. But I naturally was not as friendly to her as before. Things were going ok and my husband stopped talking to her altogether except for work related things. I was also handling it coolly until couple weeks ago when she again started doing the love drama. When my husband told all this to me, I got so pissed of and blocked her in all the social media. She did not realize I blocked her until a week ago and all of a sudden she started messaging me saying what made me do this and all that stuff. Again I was so angry but I restrained myself and gave some lame reasons saying my kids did it accidentally just to maintain that work relationship between her and husband . My husband knows all this he was telling me to stand up to what I did and not back out. Now the next day she was telling him that I blocked her in everything and not speaking to her properly and giving lame excuses. My FB got so irritated at her and told her that I don’t give much importance to social media and it should not be a big deal. After this she said something on the lines of “its ok if your wife doesn’t speak to me. You are important to me and I am trying to keep a relationship with her just for your sake” and then she again started her drama and my husband got so pissed off and cut her off. Now the problem is she doesn’t know that I know all that she did. She thinks my DH would nt have told me anything about what she did. She thinks I am upset at her for some other reason. Now my problem is We have many common friends and also I have to meet her many events. Her husband is really nice. I am afraid that she might tell wrongly to other persons that I un-friended her and situations will be awkward when we meet each other. How to tackle this? Just to add she is such a talkative person talking about everyone to others, openly confronting, fighting Etc.
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Do you believe in dh?
    Do you have any evidence that she is pursuing your dh, other than the stories by him? Is it really happening? Are you sure that you know the truth ?

    If you have solid evidence, just call her and invite for a coffee. Then tell her that stay way other wise you will inform her husband. Also tell her your husband can inform employer about harassment at work place. Another way is to mail any content you have (text, or other) anonymously to her husband (dont discuss it with dh). That's all. These kind of people wont change until there is a consequence.

    In my place similar thing happened, a husband pursued another woman. But her husband had to interfere to stop it.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2019
  3. KeerthDhan

    KeerthDhan New IL'ite

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    Thanks Ddream. She is so smart and she doesn’t text him or IM him at work. She shares her screen to him and types on notepad Lol. My smart husband takes screen shot of it quickly and has saved most of what she said. Yes, I 100% believe in him. That screenshots don’t say much and most of what she did was talking. We are afraid that she might turn the situation against him somehow. She is capable of doing that. Also my husband loves this job and also we cannot move jobs now due to some reasons.
     
  4. KeerthDhan

    KeerthDhan New IL'ite

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    She is a mother of 2 daughters. One is just 1 year old. I get so angry when she was doing all that when she was pregnant with her second. How can a woman be like that?
     
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Be more smart ;)
    If it’s real next time ask your husband to record her conversation secretly
     
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  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    If she texts/chats with him, he can take screenshots .
    If she is talking to him directly, its either at work or at gatherings, I am assuming.
    Ask your H to avoid talking to her when he is alone. If she comes to his desk, he can easily get up and walk away to another colleague's desk or to toilet or pretend to be on call etc.
    If he gets into a situation where he has to be with her alone, the moment she starts the conversation about her feelings for him, he can walk away.
    Coming to spoiling your name or turning the situation against you or anything like that - remember she needs proofs too !
    Does she have anything against your H to prove her point? If not, you guys should not be afraid of her.
     
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  7. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    This is crazy. What is she thinking? I agree with the PP. please ask your husband to be a bit careful around her and only socialize with her in others’ company at work. Ask him to record conversations and at one point or the other, you both need to confront her together in the presence of a neutral third party. This is some crazy crap and you guys need to safeguard yourself as much as possible. Her husband may be a great guy but honestly he is none of your problem. He has to face her reality at some point in future.
     
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Those are couple of random hits from a google search on work spouses. For the OP's peculiar problem, there is just a straight forward solution: Tell all the bosses that there has been such a situation, and request counsel. And then act on it. Keep good records.

    Innovative counter measures designed on one's own would always lead to unexpected new problems.
     
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  9. virtualkv2020

    virtualkv2020 Platinum IL'ite

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    Some men are real cuckoos when it comes to dealing with other women - a friend/colleague.I wonder why they hesitate to talk in a firm affirmative tone which can shoo the person away in a single shot. I think it’s high time he does that!
     
  10. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I am assuming your husband is working for an American company with sexual harassment rules. He needn’t talk to his boss but can talk to his hr department and request that it be handled discreetly. As in, he may be able to have some company support if anything escalates.

    Since you seem to interact with this woman and her husband socially, I think you both have to take an effort to reduce social interactions with- she can start any rumor she wants... but how exactly would it affect you? I would only be concerned about anything that could affect your husband’s professional reputation. You keep mentioning that her husband is a nice guy... well, I think that is only important to you, because you don’t want to alienate him during this process. Honestly, he’s just an outside person, I’m sure he can handle not continuing to be friends with you and your husband.
     
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