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Mil Vs Dil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Oct 28, 2019.

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  1. Oct 28, 2019 #1
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Was speaking to my MIL and as usual she picked On something and fights escalated..

    I Bluntly asked her “ Even if you come abroad..all you do is watch tv/iPad all day and do not lift a muscle.I do everything for six months at a stretch and more extra work and my life feels so restricted.Even to go to Grocery,you feel I am going on a “outing”.you do not like me doing any little thing for myself and crib or be sarcastic all the time.Why do you have a problem and annoy me?”

    for that MIL kept quiet.Then she explained.. “I know but don’t know why I feel like doing it”..

    what kind of explanation is this?
    That’s sadistic just to annoy someone for no reason.

    So even if the DIL tries her best..the MIL will be mean?
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2019
    anika987, Oct 28, 2019
    anika987, Oct 28, 2019
    #1
    yesican, Caughtinbetween and Amulet like this.
  2. Oct 28, 2019 #2
    Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    :banana:
    upload_2019-10-28_5-53-47.png ​
    All of DIL's actions are like the little rubber mallet hit on the knee at the doctor's office. There will be a reflex reaction.

    A while back people were suggesting stay-home business careers for the OP. She could do assertiveness training for DIL's.:tearsofjoy:

    If Techie, develop a smart phone App for responses, when MIL says something. Such as,
    MIL: Where are you driving off to now?
    [DIL swipes open the App, and inputs kwestin, and gets response]
    DIL: Mind your iPad.​
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2019
    Amulet, Oct 28, 2019
    Amulet, Oct 28, 2019
    #2
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  3. Oct 28, 2019 #3
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow .Atleast she accepted that she is mean
     
    Sunshine04, Oct 28, 2019
    Sunshine04, Oct 28, 2019
    #3
    anika987 likes this.
  4. Oct 28, 2019 #4
    ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow @anika987 !! Way to go girl !!

    This is ‘mil’ genes talking. Unfortunately in many cases, dil’s are forever seen as ‘the enemy’ even before the sons are actually married. N this is them ‘trying to control’ the situation or ‘keeping the dil / son in control’. Because dil having the freedom will mean that they will take the son away, physically, emotionally n financially, which is the biggest insecurity.
    Also the thought of ‘she’s enjoying n having a free ride with my sons money when it should be the parents enjoying since we raised him with such difficulty, etc’. This is a cause of irritation for many as well.

    You should ask her this.
     
    ashneys, Oct 28, 2019
    ashneys, Oct 28, 2019
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  5. Oct 28, 2019 #5
    Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    MIL stands for MEAN in law maybe?
    :grinning::grinning:
     
    Anusha2917, Oct 28, 2019
    Anusha2917, Oct 28, 2019
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  6. Oct 28, 2019 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is a delightfully candid explanation devoid of any counter-blame that can be treated as a coming-of-age of the MIL-DIL relationship. I would have done two things with it:
    - kept quiet and then responded with something like, "well, that's honest of you, if not anything else."
    - if feeling more generous due to the festival season: "that reminds me of when I yell at <kid> though I don't mean to. Strange.. the things we do without knowing why we do it."

    >> Even to go to Grocery,you feel I am going on a “outing”.you do not like me doing any little thing for myself and crib or be sarcastic all the time. Why do you have a problem and annoy me?”
    She could have responded with, "Because you are easy to annoy. See even now.. I am annoying you from thousands of miles away."

    You have the opportunity to use this admission by her and build upon it so that it changes the relationship for the better, leading to more such "why do we ..." reflections, though filled with less angst over the past.
     
    Rihana, Oct 28, 2019
    Rihana, Oct 28, 2019
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  7. Oct 30, 2019 #7
    Manaivi

    Manaivi New IL'ite

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    I recently read a quote , where it stated "Never show your weakness to the world, because world is so much Interested to play with you.."
    This really holds true with the MIL.

    But really great, that you spoke up straight! I really have to learn that
     
    Manaivi, Oct 30, 2019
    Manaivi, Oct 30, 2019
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  8. Oct 31, 2019 #8
    anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Never ever especially tell in-laws everything happening in your life..surely backfires..

    If I don’t react..she keeps making snide remarks

    If I react...she plays victim

    If I am quiet and avoid any fight.:she starts making assume aggressive remarks..
     
    anika987, Oct 31, 2019
    anika987, Oct 31, 2019
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  9. Oct 31, 2019 #9
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    An:facepalm: you want to always go back to India.
    What would happen if she lives with you in India
     
    Sunshine04, Oct 31, 2019
    Sunshine04, Oct 31, 2019
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  10. Oct 31, 2019 #10
    shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    :roflmao:
     
    shravs3, Oct 31, 2019
    shravs3, Oct 31, 2019
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