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Forget Detachment, Attach.

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by HariLakhera, Sep 22, 2019.

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Sep 23, 2019 #11

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jayasala42 said: ↑

Dear Shri Hariji,
While talking about getting attached to nature, it appears to me that you have got the correct notion what detachment is.You are giving the nomenclature of 'attachment' to actual detachment.

It is true that we can't use detachment as an excuse not to deal with fundamental issues such as livelihood, power, self-esteem, and relationships with other people. Nor can we make detachment a synonym for indifference, or carelessness, or passivity. Instead, we can practice detachment as a skill—perhaps the essential skill for infusing our lives with integrity and grace.

Krishna tells Arjuna that acting with detachment means doing the right thing for its own sake, because it needs to be done, without worrying about success or failure.

Detachment cannot be achieved in a day. It has 5 stages.
Acknowledgement, Self enquiry,Processing,Creative action.The last one is Freedom.
Unless we go through all the above 4 stages ,it is extremely difficult or rather impossible to reach the 5th stage where you offer everything around you, including natural objects to the Source.

Only in the last stage you can have the maturity of 'Love thy neighbour and love all surroundings' without any bias towards caste, community, religion, species etc etc.

Desire, fear, and hopelessness are deeply embedded in our psyches, and we feel their pull whenever any remnant of attachment exists. We know that we've begun to achieve real detachment in a situation when we can contemplate what's occurring without immediately getting blindsided by these feelings.

. It's no small thing. Every time we free ourselves from one of those sticky feelings, we unlock another link in what the yogic texts call the chain of bondage.

Every spiritual tradition includes some form of offering (and some form of God), but for detachment practice, the two most powerful ways to offer are to dedicate your actions and to turn over your fears, desires, doubts, and obstructions to the one Consciousness.

Here is what the practice of offering might look like.
First, call to mind the largest and most benign level of reality you can connect to—whether it is humanity, a particular teacher or divine form, a sense of oneness, or simply the great collective of the natural world: humans, animals, plants, the earth and air, the stars and planets and space itself. Or simply become aware of your own being, the Presence or energy that feels most essential to your life.

Once you've done this, bring to mind the action you're about to do or the outcome you're hoping to bring about. Mentally make an offering of it to the Presence. You can say something like, "I offer this to the source of all, asking that it be accomplished in the best possible way."
If you care deeply about what you're offering—your desire for a particular relationship, or your wish for the well-being of yourself or of someone you love—you may notice that you're reluctant to let go of it. If that's the case, offer it again. Keep offering it until you feel a loosening of your identification with your hope, fear, desire, anger, or feeling of injustice. Whenever you feel the clutch of attachment, offer it again.

And that's when our detachment becomes something greater—not detachment from desire or fear but awareness that what we are so large, it can hold all of our smaller feelings inside itself and still be completely free.
The Universal brotherhood etc will be vain talks until we reach the 5th stage of INNER FREEDOM, which is actual detachment, but referred to by the author as ATTACHMENT.
Jayasala 42
Click to expand...

Delighted with this holistic thought provoking response.

Thyagarajan, Sep 23, 2019

Thyagarajan, Sep 23, 2019

#11
Sep 23, 2019 #12

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From my experience,I learn one thing that these "Attachments" and "Detachments" are all some state of mind (Sort of Maya)..the think that we feel attached today will make us detached tomorrow..And if we concentrate on detaching ourselves ,it will make us bound to that unknowingly....Situations and time plays the vital role in our life than any others emotions or materialistic things.As krishna said in Mahabharatha,by just doing our work mindfully without seeking any outcomes ,we might see the completeness in everything.Eventually it will give the fulfillment at the end,sametime we will not attached or detached to anything ...

Nandhu19, Sep 23, 2019

Nandhu19, Sep 23, 2019

#12
Sep 23, 2019 #13

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HariLakhera said: ↑

How about trying to attach ourselves to everything? Not only with our wealth, relationships and belongings but also with everything including -the rivers, oceans, trees, mountains, flowers, animals- in short, the whole universe. This way our attachment will be distributed all over the universe. Above all, we are a part of the Universe only. How can we detach ourselves from the Universe?. Everyone and everything will belong to us and thus dear to us.
Click to expand...

HariLakhera said: ↑

Start attaching yourself- it is for the living.
Click to expand...

Beautiful thought!
And respect to that!

Afresh, Sep 23, 2019

Afresh, Sep 23, 2019

#13
Sep 23, 2019 #14

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If one works for attachment or detachment that also becomes a detachment or attachment . I am making an attempt to take the discussions to a higher level.

2. We are in democracy and we have majority for attachment and this majority has already realised climate changes and global warming due to certain attachments and now striving to detach from some attachments and attach to Nature called environs extended even upto space to protect ozone layer.

3. At lower levels people detach from their MILs, SILs, BILs and or even from their Spouse and kids.
4. Divorce celebrations also due to amicable or disagreeable detachments. If compartments are attached it is a journey could be a sojourn.
5. Detached they are shunted in the yard back and forth. Life is like that.
6. One has to be careful before deciding to study the attachments. They could be suspects and trojans!

7. It is nightmarish for some when papers are shown to them that their properties are attached. Certain departments do it with vengeance or and rejoice in attaching properties of their opponents, another form of attachment par excellence!

8. But it is interesting to note what Ms Sudha Murthy writes about this A & D.
Here is a copy:*
Attachment in Detachment ----- Written by Sudha Murti

When my daughter, the older of my two, wed and left home, I felt a part of me gone. With a daughter and a son, I know what both mean, differently. When she was in her teens I felt as if she was my "physical extension" !

So when she left home to set up her own, I felt I lost a limb.
Next time she came to stay with us, I was astonished how her priorities had changed. We too must've given the same shocks to our own parents !

When she said Amma, she meant her mother-in-law, not me!
I felt she was always in a hurry to go back to her house and not stay with me for a few more days. That was the first time, it dawned on me that I have to start practising detachment with attachment.

Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for higher studies to US. Having experienced a child's separation once, I was better equipped emotionally. I plunged head long into various classes held in the city starting from vedanta to healing to ikebana -

I just wanted to be away from home..since my husband was a 24/7 workaholic. My son used to write how he was missing my home cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us ...

After a few years, he did come back and we got him married.

He started living separately with his wife and we were also happy that they wanted to be independant from the beginning... But now, it was all changed ! When in the U S, he missed my cooking, now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like "oh, amma, we have other plans for the day, please don't mistake us if we don't drop in today" !

I could see that his priorities had also changed completely..

We talk so many things and give so much advice to others, but when it comes to our own children, acceptance comes very late. Our next step is to just leave them undisturbed in every way. It was at that time, that I made the following, my 'new profile'.

In all my relationships , rather interactions, I give my best and do my best to live up to what I say.
My attachment with them is complete.

However, I remain detached in the sense that I do not expect them to reciprocate my affection. Most importantly, I make a conscious effort , not to interfere or pass judgements on the lives they choose to lead. My concern for my near and dear ones will not fade with my detachment.

If you let go of the ones you love, they will never go away –
this is the beauty of attachment with detachment !

I have learnt to love and let go. This dictum has developed tolerance in me. When I let the people live the way they want to, I learn to accept them for what they are. Most importantly ,
I learn to tolerate the world around me and this tolerance brings in me a sense of peace and contentment.

Since both my children live in Chennai, I follow this very strictly, you know why ! Now I have realised that we start growing mentally much more only after the children leave the house and we have to tackle the emotional vacuum, that arises, along with age-related problems .

Please develop your own intersts, hobbies etc, however mundane they seem to be..We must learn
To love whatever we do instead of Doing whatever we love !!

[*with gratitude to Sudha Murti]

Thanks and Regards.

Thyagarajan, Sep 23, 2019

Thyagarajan, Sep 23, 2019

#14
Sep 23, 2019 #15

jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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Even the mails about detachment come with attachments!
jayasala42

jayasala42, Sep 23, 2019

jayasala42, Sep 23, 2019

#15
Sep 25, 2019 #16

HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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hermitcrab said: ↑

Great idea, instead of being attached to few people in life, once should distribute the “attachment” among many living and non living things.
I agree, I love house plants and love to watch them grow and feel very protective towards them.
Click to expand...

Thanks. Keep it up. Loving everyone and everything around us ensures a good future. By loving and remaining attached to them to the end, we make them good citizens and the society gets benefitted. We grow plants trees and love them and remain attached to them so that someone in future will pluck the flowers or fruits.
It is a win win situation.

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

#16
Sep 25, 2019 #17

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Balajee said: ↑

Yes we urgently need to attach ourselves to our environment, the very awareness of which was almost erased by the industrial civilization that blinded by profit motive cared too hoots for the world. In fact champions of that kind of civilization are the real detached peoople, detached from the surroundings with their eyes focused only on balance sheets.
They have ruined this world long enough. So it is high mtime we proactively practice attachment.
Click to expand...

I think UN is seized of the subject and our dear PM Modi must have made a strong pitch. It is not only the environment, it is everyone and everything around us, we have to protect to the end. Above all the material possessions we leave behind will be useful to coming generations. The creator of Mona Lisa must have been very much attached to the real or the pictorial image of her and it is because of his unflinched attachment that thousands go and see the painting. One has to be passionate about his or her possessions in life and to the end.

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

#17
Sep 25, 2019 #18

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jayasala42 said: ↑

Dear Shri Hariji,
While talking about getting attached to nature, it appears to me that you have got the correct notion what detachment is.You are giving the nomenclature of 'attachment' to actual detachment.

(Thanks. Your feedback is taking the subject to a higher plateau- Attachment with detachment. Seems interesting.)

It is true that we can't use detachment as an excuse not to deal with fundamental issues such as livelihood, power, self-esteem, and relationships with other people. Nor can we make detachment a synonym for indifference, or carelessness, or passivity. Instead, we can practice detachment as a skill—perhaps the essential skill for infusing our lives with integrity and grace.

(In my mind the first condition of any action is integrity. This is where most of us fail. It is also because we live in a two way lane. Every relationship is based on reciprocality. And here comes the problem. My shirt is whiter than yours. )

Krishna tells Arjuna that acting with detachment means doing the right thing for its own sake, because it needs to be done, without worrying about success or failure.
(Arjuna had Krishna on his side in person and he trusted him. I wonder what would have happened if the war ended in favor of Kauravas. Arjuna would have lost faith in Krishna. We do try to justify our actions in the name of God who is in us. We have the advantage that our God is not visible and therefore weigh our actions with desired results only.)

Detachment cannot be achieved in a day. It has 5 stages.
Acknowledgement, Self enquiry,Processing,Creative action.The last one is Freedom.
Unless we go through all the above 4 stages ,it is extremely difficult or rather impossible to reach the 5th stage where you offer everything around you, including natural objects to the Source.

Only in the last stage you can have the maturity of 'Love thy neighbour and love all surroundings' without any bias towards caste, community, religion, species etc etc.

( I think you are referring to the Seven Steps of Bhagwatprapti (God realization) thru Tyaga (renunciation). As you say it is tough to go beyond the fourth stage. Even one in millions can reach there. No wonder, when we read all this, most of the initiative is killed before even trying.)

Desire, fear, and hopelessness are deeply embedded in our psyches, and we feel their pull whenever any remnant of attachment exists. We know that we've begun to achieve real detachment in a situation when we can contemplate what's occurring without immediately getting blindsided by these feelings.

It's no small thing. Every time we free ourselves from one of those sticky feelings, we unlock another link in what the yogic texts call the chain of bondage.

Every spiritual tradition includes some form of offering (and some form of God), but for detachment practice, the two most powerful ways to offer are to dedicate your actions and to turn over your fears, desires, doubts, and obstructions to the one Consciousness.

Here is what the practice of offering might look like.
First, call to mind the largest and most benign level of reality you can connect to—whether it is humanity, a particular teacher or divine form, a sense of oneness, or simply the great collective of the natural world: humans, animals, plants, the earth and air, the stars and planets and space itself. Or simply become aware of your own being, the Presence or energy that feels most essential to your life.

Once you've done this, bring to mind the action you're about to do or the outcome you're hoping to bring about. Mentally make an offering of it to the Presence. You can say something like, "I offer this to the source of all, asking that it be accomplished in the best possible way."
If you care deeply about what you're offering—your desire for a particular relationship, or your wish for the well-being of yourself or of someone you love—you may notice that you're reluctant to let go of it. If that's the case, offer it again. Keep offering it until you feel a loosening of your identification with your hope, fear, desire, anger, or feeling of injustice. Whenever you feel the clutch of attachment, offer it again.

And that's when our detachment becomes something greater—not detachment from desire or fear but awareness that what we are so large, it can hold all of our smaller feelings inside itself and still be completely free.
The Universal brotherhood etc will be vain talks until we reach the 5th stage of INNER FREEDOM, which is actual detachment, but referred to by the author as ATTACHMENT.
Jayasala 42
Click to expand...

(We have been told, we have read and we tried too. And then comes the often repeated caution that only one among millions reach there.)

The subject is too complex and my understanding is not even a drop in the ocean. There are some simple rules I follow. One, do good and be good and that good is my good. Two, do your duty with utmost honesty and hard work and figure out why results were not on expected lines and take remedial actions. Three, do your best and be prepared for the worst. Four, free yourself from expectations as far as possible. Our miseries are the direct and in same proportion of our expectations. Higher the expectations, greater the disappointment.
Believe me, I am a very pragmatic person. I have learned to accept things as they come. It is so easy.

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

#18
Sep 25, 2019 #19

HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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Thyagarajan said: ↑

If one works for attachment or detachment that also becomes a detachment or attachment . I am making an attempt to take the discussions to a higher level.

2. We are in democracy and we have majority for attachment and this majority has already realised climate changes and global warming due to certain attachments and now striving to detach from some attachments and attach to Nature called environs extended even upto space to protect ozone layer.

3. At lower levels people detach from their MILs, SILs, BILs and or even from their Spouse and kids.
4. Divorce celebrations also due to amicable or disagreeable detachments. If compartments are attached it is a journey could be a sojourn.
5. Detached they are shunted in the yard back and forth. Life is like that.
6. One has to be careful before deciding to study the attachments. They could be suspects and trojans!

7. It is nightmarish for some when papers are shown to them that their properties are attached. Certain departments do it with vengeance or and rejoice in attaching properties of their opponents, another form of attachment par excellence!

8. But it is interesting to note what Ms Sudha Murthy writes about this A & D.
Here is a copy:*
Attachment in Detachment ----- Written by Sudha Murti

When my daughter, the older of my two, wed and left home, I felt a part of me gone. With a daughter and a son, I know what both mean, differently. When she was in her teens I felt as if she was my "physical extension" !

So when she left home to set up her own, I felt I lost a limb.
Next time she came to stay with us, I was astonished how her priorities had changed. We too must've given the same shocks to our own parents !

When she said Amma, she meant her mother-in-law, not me!
I felt she was always in a hurry to go back to her house and not stay with me for a few more days. That was the first time, it dawned on me that I have to start practising detachment with attachment.

Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for higher studies to US. Having experienced a child's separation once, I was better equipped emotionally. I plunged head long into various classes held in the city starting from vedanta to healing to ikebana -

I just wanted to be away from home..since my husband was a 24/7 workaholic. My son used to write how he was missing my home cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us ...

After a few years, he did come back and we got him married.

He started living separately with his wife and we were also happy that they wanted to be independant from the beginning... But now, it was all changed ! When in the U S, he missed my cooking, now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like "oh, amma, we have other plans for the day, please don't mistake us if we don't drop in today" !

I could see that his priorities had also changed completely..

We talk so many things and give so much advice to others, but when it comes to our own children, acceptance comes very late. Our next step is to just leave them undisturbed in every way. It was at that time, that I made the following, my 'new profile'.

In all my relationships , rather interactions, I give my best and do my best to live up to what I say.
My attachment with them is complete.

However, I remain detached in the sense that I do not expect them to reciprocate my affection. Most importantly, I make a conscious effort , not to interfere or pass judgements on the lives they choose to lead. My concern for my near and dear ones will not fade with my detachment.

If you let go of the ones you love, they will never go away –
this is the beauty of attachment with detachment !

I have learnt to love and let go. This dictum has developed tolerance in me. When I let the people live the way they want to, I learn to accept them for what they are. Most importantly ,
I learn to tolerate the world around me and this tolerance brings in me a sense of peace and contentment.

Since both my children live in Chennai, I follow this very strictly, you know why ! Now I have realised that we start growing mentally much more only after the children leave the house and we have to tackle the emotional vacuum, that arises, along with age-related problems .

Please develop your own intersts, hobbies etc, however mundane they seem to be..We must learn
To love whatever we do instead of Doing whatever we love !!

[*with gratitude to Sudha Murti]

Thanks and Regards.
Click to expand...

Good rejoinder. This is what Jayasala Ma'am also said, attachment with detachment. On lower level, we get detached once our tummy is filled. Like no attachment with food till the tummy rumbles incohesively.

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

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Thyagarajan likes this.
Sep 25, 2019 #20

HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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shyamala1234 said: ↑

Dear Hariji,
Yes. Attachment to family , friends and our own interests is a natural thing. We need not specially cultivate. They are there by default. Detachment....which many preach is difficult and why should we be detached? Is it for Salvation? That is after this life...from birth to death. Let us first try to make this period more worthwhile and live a life of values....do all our duties.
I absolutely agree attachment should be extended to environment...which is very important as we see the world now. We are attached to our house, plants in our garden or balcony, keep the house clean . But we should extend that attachment beyond our house.....rivers,trees, animals etc. Then we can give a better world to future generations.
Syamala
Click to expand...

Syamalji,
Exactly. Stay attached to the end. It pays not in countable terms but in self realization. Only thing no expectations in return. May be our attachment will benefit someone in future. The mango tree my parents planted is bearing fruits for us. They remained attached to the tree and to us till the last. It is human.

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

HariLakhera, Sep 25, 2019

#20

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