Moving Back To India

Hard but a practical idea. Its least disruptive to the family but requires a lot of patience from the op.

In 4 years, the older one will be off to college. It will be a lot easier for the dad to manage one high schooler at that time which will make it easier for you to travel to India extensively. It maybe possible even now if the kids are more independent n can take care of themselves.

I know a friends mom who lives half the year in india n the other half abroad with her family. She started doing this once she got all her kids settled. Now she’s a globetrotting mom.

 

OP,

I think you need a break. Consult a doctor and see if you have any deficiencies (vitamin ,. B12 etc, ,thyroid issues etc..) these can lead to depression or weak mind. Also make sure you dont have any clinical depression.
Take medicine and treat those issues, if any. Also boost up your social life. Find activities that make you interact with other people ( gym, dance ) or move to a city with more population. It makes a difference.

If nothing works, what about taking a few months break from USA ( I have done that for health issues and treatment for nearly 4 months, my kids were small and dh managed it well). Ask your dh if he can manage kids. It will give you a better idea how life in India will be.

I think, your decision to move to India may not be good for your family as such. You may get some happiness, but you will be ruining happiness and comfort of your kids and husband. I think it's not easy to adjust with Indian education system at this stage of your kids- they are not small kids, but individuals with their own opinion

I think you should give more priority to kids and family at this stage.

So take a break, go to India for a few months , rejuvenate you and reevaluate your options. You need to take care of your general and mental health. Good luck

 

" OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake." - lily aldrin , himym

I think you need to make this move for your sake , because otherwise this regret will eat you away.. and I firmly believe no one should live their life with big regrets.. But if your kids are dead against moving , you should do this by yourself.. slowly ease them into it when they come to visit and stay with you during holidays and such.. and please try to find out root cause of your depression.. where you go there you are... contentment and peace comes from a life of purpose and from feeling connected to people around you.. - your spouse, kids, close friends... build stronger relationships with them, try to find a larger purpose in life, travel, try new experiences . good luck,

 

There is a facebook group called return to India mom. If you joint this group you can get all the info you need. This is the link
Return to India moms

 

I'm usually a silent reader but i couldn't stop myself replying to this post,Returning to India is to make yourself HAPPY but you are dragging your kids into this and splitting them from a parent.No matter how much ever help you get from your family "KIDS" need both parents specially when you have teen age daughter ,the cultural difference in India specially treating "GIRL" child who is born and raised most of her life here in US will impact her a lot.As some one suggested wait until your kids grow older to take care of them self and you can resign your job and take longer trips to India .I love our festivals,family, friends,food and all comforts we get back there but i would not leave my peace of mind,my liberty to live my life the way i want with out some one judging me how i cook,raise my children etc ..well that is me .Try to self analyze what is making you depressed and think about your kids future .
Good Luck !!

 

Why can't you try taking a break from your job or apply some medical leave and go to India with kids stay for 2 months(summer break would be good option ) and see how you and your kids like the lifestyle.

It all depends on individual but one of my cousin went back to India after they got us citizenships. After 1 year they came back to USA. Husband didn't get reasonable salary, kids didn't like the school there and it was very hard for them to adjust as well.

 

Think of your kids. Competition was bad for us decades back but at least we grew up in that environment and didn’t know any better. Your kids are ill equipped to deal with the brutal educational environment in India. It would be like dropping defenseless fish into a tank of sharks. Esp the 9th grader.
Society has deteriorated a lot there. Kids routinely lie to parents and lead double life. It is accepted there. Do you really want that for your family?
Personal Safety issues for you and your daughter
Pollution
Allergy issues
Corruption
Law and order
The list is endless. Please reconsider or at least postpone till kids are out of school.

Not every college costs so much, only the private ones do. If you are worried about college finances send her to a state school. In state tuition is quite reasonable. Colleges here are good, period. All of them are at least 200-300 years old and very reputed with multiple Nobel laureates on faculty in compared to 7-8 schools and IITs in entire country. In whole India we have had 1-2.

For all that people curse the system here it is much much much more forgiving than the insane suicide inducing craziness back home. People who complain about college admissions here do so because their egos cause them to demand/expect their kids should all go to Harvard or at least an IVy college. Unless you also have such expectations the process will be quite okay.

 

@mangaii,

I re read your original post. Looks like you have been trying different things to deal with your depression and general feeling of unease but nothing has really worked.

I suggest you should go talk to someone, a therapist, about what you are going through. Figure out what the problem is and then the solution will appear before you. It could be midlife crisis or some trauma from this incident or whatever. Your feeling of ‘what did my life amount to, was it really worth all this?’ is not that unusual, you know? We all go through this to varying degrees. But your reaction, your solution is unusual.

I would suggest- please- know what you are doing. That will be better than impulsively pulling your kids out and dragging them to India against their will. What if you do all you are proposing and move to India but that didn’t fix your feelings? What if you end feeling worse because now nothing in India looks like it used to 20-30 years back like you had hoped? What will you do then? Better you think through the problem and find a solution and then proceed. And take the help of a professional for that. Compared to the expense of moving to India taking few sessions with a professional is really worth it, imo.

Think about it. And take a good decision.

 

Golden words! dear @Laks09
What you said clarified my thoughts, ( unrelated to this) yeah, we are connected to the people not the place. And that is what pulls us back.