@mangaii hi, I am sure ,you have really thought through this decision and you haven't been able to shake up your instincts to return to India, before making this post. It is well established that most people would have dissuaded to make such a move, and , even beyond that if you have felt the tugging to return, it is well thought out. You should go with your instincts, albeit, with a caveat, make sure that this decision is not hurting anyone else in the process, especially family. See, as the case is, it's tough either ways to make your decision. The reply above by @msbram has succinctly summed up all the practical aspects of making a move. The school drill is pretty much like, written above and it does have its challenges, both technically and financially. Infact, higher education in India , is in serious terms also being privatized more than in earlier times. Most kids, form premier schools look at an exit path abroad, which though in current global climes is slated to undergo changes, i think sooner than later. Already applications to canadian universities is up by 40 percent, given the restrictions of the US job avenues and other related sentiments. However, if your husband is continuing to earn in the US, you may find it financially maybe a bit more viable to move here, in terms of the depreciating rupee these days ( sorry couldn't resist the urge). However, since you feel that social benefits in terms of family interactions will benefit you and kids more , then , it should be the right thing to do. Once here, you need to factor in , you being a stay at home mom for sometime to stabilise the kids environment and other requirements. Also, I do not know if you already have a job in hand, which is letting you make the move. If there is, then it should be a big plus, because, as is the case globally, there is a slowdown right now and it does have its impact on jobs as such. I have seen people come home , long before any recession or change in political climes , who have come out of their own volition and been pretty happy with their decisions. Those, coming willfully, always stand to gain , rather than those who feel they have been saddled with this compulsion rather than with a choice. So I hope ,this would be a good decision for you and All the best.
Yes, gurgaon, delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai, Hyderabad, etc.. most of the good, reputable international schools with international syllabus (IB, IGCSE) are between 10-20 lakhs price range for high school per year.. mid school is between 5-10.. personally visiting the schools n checking will tell you if they are worthy of it. * Of course there are schools in much much much lesser price ranges too. You just need to pick the ones that works for you n your kids. Many are opting for the international syllabus even if they are gona pursue UG in India itself, because the syllabus suits their kids since the cbse setup doesn’t work for them, they thrive well in this due to the creative n critical thinking. They question, they understand n study, more practicals n presentation based, etc. Plus many schools helps them in getting into many top universities nationally n internationally as well. Each syllabus has its own pros n cons, it’s really good to see that many parents these days pick the syllabus based on their kids.
Mangaii - I read thru all your posts. I used to be too before I actually moved to India. When you live away, even if PILs visit, it’s very different from when you live in their turf. It won’t be the same once the honeymoon is over. It’s best to live on your own. Cost of living will be higher than what you calculate from here. Your 9th grader will struggle in a CBSE school during the crucial study years. It’s best she goes to an IB school. The demographic of people sending their kids to an IB school is very different from our regular schools. Think about that too. Most of my DD’s classmates from her old IB school in India are in preparation to apply to colleges in the US. A few of them even got the college consultant details from me for their kids. Btw - some states now don’t allow non citizen kids to get into merit seats for professional courses. You will end up paying a lot of money on the nri quotas. One of my friends is paying as much as a state school in TX. Work life balance is terrible for any IT job in India. You will have to take a back seat, especially if you are single parenting a high schooler who already is in the throes of “teen-Ache”. You mostly won’t be able to manage with your pay. I went to work and made some money but took a second tier job to be able to be around for kid. You are thinking of uprooting a Ninth grader, taking her to India, living without spouse, essentially being a single parent for two kids( I guarantee that having people around won’t ease your parenting burden), finding a new job in IT, managing finances and all else that goes with living in India. What if in reality you are more stressed? I’m not trying to discourage you. I loved living in India. Even now, I’ll go in a heartbeat. DH too. I just wanted to share an opinion. Take it with a pinch of salt. I felt like you when I came back. I was so lost. To combat this, I go by myself at least one time a year. Most years I manage to squeeze in a second trip. I try to take the kids every summer. DH also goes a few times to check on his folks. It’s worked out well for us. Not the real thing but close enough. There is this piece of unwanted advice. Again take it with a whole lot of salt. Don’t live in any place being emotionally connected to a different place. It’s a place, not a person. I made peace with my situation by thinking that way. It’s a place. People there will be always there for me, regardless of where I live. I go see them, reminisce and come back rejuvenated. Good Luck with whatever you decide, mangaii.
I know it is extremely difficult for you and am in the same situation. I will show you a different perspective to go through this.. One kid is in 9th grade and the other is in 4th grade..all in all you need to suck it up for just another 8 years till the second one finishes high school. You held on so many years.Just another few years.It will fly by!! In the meantime,save money,take care of your health and once kids leave to college,you can slowly start to make the transition.India is not going anywhere and time goes by fast. Don’t make the hasty decision of uprooting a 9th grader..I personally know many people who came back within a year! On the positive side,some relatives in my family went back to India for food and settled back in Coimbatore after 30 years!! Just another 8 years dear..hang in there..do your best and then you can even stay longer months every year in India!!
Hi laks..even I go every year..but as kids grow older does it get difficult?Just 2 or 3 weeks is also ok for me..Just need to rejuvenation and come Back..
Do your kids really want to move to India at this point? School in India is much tougher than what I see here in the US. Kids are always stressed running for tuitions and extra classes, and extracurriculars are not that much of a priority. Your kids will also have to form new social circles. If you want an international school you will pay a lot of money even in dollars, unless your kids aRe already going to private school in the US.
Op....what does your husband feel about this decision. You are planning to leave him alone in the US .Is he fine with this? How are your kids with family decisions? Do they normally accept big changes in life without any say in it? From what you wrote,kids seem reluctant . What about your in laws that you are planning to stay with....are they going to be fine with you and the kids moving to India alone ,leaving their son in US ? If they are not happy,will you be comfortable staying with them? I like Anika's suggestion. If that is tough for you..then how about you shifting alone for some time.Can your husband manage the kids? Maybe your in laws could move to US to be with kids. Or you could stay for 6 months and in laws for the next 6 months. See how you feel See how husband and kids feel. Whatever the decision...it is going to be tough for someone ...either you or the husband and kids. Find a solution that is least disruptive and acceptable to most. Your kids are old enough to have their own mind on the issue.They have a right to have a more privilaged life in a first world country if that is possible and if that is what they want. What you are asking from them is to swim against the flow ?For them it is not easy to do or to understand. Loneliness with husband and children? Are you sure inlaws or temples can fill this loneliness? Have you seen someone to rule out clinical depression? Try that before any major decisions are taken . This is not easy if people are not willing or happy to do it.
These days schooling is very damn expensive in India. I hear people telling they pay lakhs of donation even for kindergartens. For NRI kids no doubt tat it’s going to be very expensive. But if the kids are really not happy with returning to India then not sure how they will manage studies. In future if they aren’t able to score well they might even blame you so you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. For kids in primary/ middle school the transition would be really smooth but since your kids are in higher grades I think it would be difficult. And even IT jobs are not so easy in India. It’s beyond 9-5 and if you add on the traffic time then almost entire day your time would go in tat itself. Managing the kids alone with long day after job might add more stress so please consider even tat. Next year since your elder kid will be in 10th it will be really difficult for the kid! So it’s better to consider even their opinion before moving.
9th n 5th graders = they are individuals with their own thoughts. After reading your posts, I just can’t help but wonder ‘What if the kids start to feel the same weight as you do here once they move there?’ Esp the 9th grader, as she is in a serious education period n her general teenage hormones, separating from another parent, what if this effects her? Not that it’s any easier for a 5th grader either but the effect maybe immediate with the older one. Uprooting isn’t easy esp if they were born or raised here for long. Many will struggle n i have seen many waiting to run back asap, n i am talking mainly about the kids who were raised somewhere else. I would take their inputs seriously as well, as it affects their life too as they aren’t lil kids any more. N convince them to such an extent that they agree n look forward to the move too. And this can change this whole scenario drastically, as they will be voluntarily supporting you during any hiccups rather than whine for even a small bump, or worse, blame you for any of their shortfalls too.
