I do volunteer . I work FT . I’m very actively involved in my kids life . But there is big weight I’m carrying every day that has become so heavy that I feel like I’m going to break down someday . I’m guilty of splitting the family but I have done lot of things for my family so all I’m asking is this . I’m closer to my husband side of my family than mine . It is weird but as I’m getting older I appreciate the life there than in us . I have opened up the discussion with my kids . They are very reluctant but I know eventually they will come around .
No the depression is because of loneliness . I have no other thing going on my head . I have friends not too many but few . It is just that I miss the real people around me . I grew up in a large joint family . This monotonous life is killing me . I don’t enjoy this life anymore
My kids have been my biggest concern . I will be living with my husband side family . Not planning to stay on my own . I’m worried about my teenager since she has behavioral issues . I think she will be better in India with family around . I proposed the kids that we move back last week of May so they can see the life back home . But both are refusing since they feel it is too much work without getting a summer break . I grew up in rural city in India and I’m totally fine. I have seen the education in US other than language I would any day rate Indian education system better than US( this is my personnel opinion) . But I don’t see any other way around this issue .
Thanks Manisha . I was wondering about the same but I’m scared I will love it and my kids would hate it then I will be pushed back to this life again . I don’t want to give option because I know what will happen if I give the option No menopause . This has been back of my mind for few years just recently a incident made it grow exponentially and after this I’m unable to get out of this from my head
I have friends . I volunteer in temple . But the amount of happiness I get when I step inside a temple in India I don’t get the same in us. It is not same . I work really hard . But every day night after I hit the bed just things come like waves and hit me so hard I sometimes feel one day it will swallow me . In the morning same . I’m not happy . I can keep myself but still at the end of the day it hits me hard . I cannot run 24 hours so I don’t get these thoughts . I have tried everything.
With few things in life we feel that we cant resist but if so many things get affected with the decision we may end up staying back and accept the reality. In india too people now want to live alone. I live in joint family at present. But everyone in my family is happy at their own floor. My h like to see people around so after lots of struggle I accepted to call everyone for tea at my floor so that we can sit together for sometime. But no one wants to call us for that too. I am telling this to show you how much everyone has now started living separately and in india people now want just husband wife and kids in their families. If possible try to be social there only and call regularly to the people you feel that you would like to be with when you come to india. A call can connect you more with them rather joining them in real. They might not have time for you in real. The decision is yours. I am just trying to analyze the situation and to find the alternative that you can consider if you feel so. TC
This is what I’m trying to see . How much will it cost for me to move back ? Maybe after 3-6 months I will start working . But can I survive in my one salary is my bigger question?
Thanks I’m not expecting anything from anyone . I know my kids will eventually appreciate this as life lesson . The only thing I regret is I didn’t make this decision few years back . It would have worked way better but somehow my urge was not thus strong
I am usually a silent observer but this post reflects my feelings a lot. After having a long education, a fantastic career and managing an extended family, I feel burnt out. I also feel that at this point in my life, I need to think about my health, ideals and goals in life. I am now in the research and campaign stage to move to India and wish for a move in the next two or three years. I am not going to opine on if r2i is the right decision for you. I believe you have your reasons and would have done your research and reflections on this. When it comes to kids, they are quite resilient and do well as long as they have very good support system at home. Language and syllabus are not serious issues. The transition is easier, of course, in primary school years than in secondary. But, with a little extra effort/tuition, children can manage. In my opinion, there are a few fundamental differences in Indian and US style schooling. In India, the focus is on diligence, hard work, problem solving, working within the system and unquestioning respect to the teachers. Not much importance is given to critical thinking, creativity and some necessary irreverence to the system. The international curricula help to a certain extent to overcome these issues. In the US, the focus is mainly on creativity, critical thinking, problem solving, and questioning the system. What is missed out is diligence, hard work and a reasonable respect to experience. Diligence and hard work are emphasised by parents. I say this out of my experience of teaching/interacting with Freshers at college level for a few semesters in both the systems. Provided you are willing to supplement with the missing components, the kids can get a more balanced education in either of the systems. What the children need during the transition is a strong support system. Behavioural issues in kids are there in every country and every society due to various reasons. Changes can be made by loving but firm care. If your husband has been involved in you children's life so far, how are you planning to manage his absence in India? Your children may find it easier to navigate the transition with their father present. Living away from their father will affect them more if they are used to his inputs in their lives. Additionally, if you are going to live with your in-laws (or parents) without your husband, are you confident that they will help you in bringing up your children in your way? If they sometimes interfere, are you ready for that? Are you ready to live with an extended family and take care of them, if needed? All these essentially means giving up some amount of control of you life in certain ways and gaining more control in certain things. Please ensure that positives are worth the risks you will be taking. If you have absolutely decided for the move, you may have to be a stay-at-home Mom at least for an year to help you children adjust both academically, geographically and culturally. And in this times of economic slowdown, jobs may be difficult. As I am not from the IT field, I am not sure about the job prospects. Please be prepared for this. If you are thinking of higher education in India, you need to find out about the residence and citizenship requirements for that particular field. And it will be better to go for the CBSE schools. But, if the children will be going to college in the US, it is better to go for the international curriculum. So the schooling cost depends on this. There are good established schools in cities like Chennai and Bangalore which cost Rs.100,000-200,000 per year to those which cost 10 times this. I don't know about other places, but there are many resources available online which give an estimate of the school fee. If you do not have rental expense, the variable component is only school fees. My research so far suggests that a very comfortable living can be had at Rs.1 lakh per month, though it is subjective to your needs. College expenses are right now not much due to state subsidies for most recognized institutions. If the govt decides to cut down subsidies/regulations in the future years, fee cannot be predicted. So having a college fund may be a wise choice. It may not be as costly as US but still not really free. Hope this is of help. My best wishes for the outcome that brings you peace and happiness.
