Does Your Husband Take Your Side Or Your Mil (his Mother)?

confused4sure · Aug 2, 2019

shalini79 said: ↑

At my home also its like this. Most of the time, DH supports me. for eg: Since I work, we tend to cook and freeze and reuse vegetables for 2-3 times a week. My MIL doesnt like it. She thinks we should cook fresh every day. But by DH is completely cool with eating frozen stale food. He would stand by me when my MIL would try to lecture me on this. At times, I have to pull him back and tell him to shut up and not bother his mom so much. She anyway visits us just for 2-3 months in a year and most of the time I am ok to adjust with her ways.
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wow... you guys are lucky!

shalini79 · Aug 4, 2019

confused4sure said: ↑

wow... you guys are lucky!
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He says he became so flexible related to food after staying in hostel for 4 years.
All boys must stay in hostels for a few years

Vaikuntha · Aug 5, 2019

shalini79 said: ↑

At my home also its like this. Most of the time, DH supports me. for eg: Since I work, we tend to cook and freeze and reuse vegetables for 2-3 times a week. My MIL doesnt like it. She thinks we should cook fresh every day. But by DH is completely cool with eating frozen stale food. He would stand by me when my MIL would try to lecture me on this. At times, I have to pull him back and tell him to shut up and not bother his mom so much. She anyway visits us just for 2-3 months in a year and most of the time I am ok to adjust with her ways.
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You are lucky. Very happy for you

mayaangel · Aug 5, 2019

Amulet said: ↑

@Anusha2917 on the mountain, a guru !

the lesson is to
1. focus on self
2. never talk referencing anyone else.
3. if someone's talk bothered you, ignore that completely as if you are in severe need of hearing aids, or you don't understand their language and go on about your business.
4. your life is you, your children, and your children's inventor. That is all there is to it.
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Children's inventor.. LOLOLOLO

mayaangel · Aug 5, 2019

yellowmango said: ↑

This.
The in laws are in your life because of him.
He has to know and he has to handle and be the barrier between them and wife.

Similarly the wife has to be the barrier between husband and her parents/ family.

Indian men get too much sympathy for getting sandwiched between wife and mom.
It is their fault for not cutting the cord and letting family interfere in his personal life with his spouse.

All it takes is one statement from him asking them not to interfere in personal issues.They shouldn't get married if they can't do that or atleast don't complain when they get sandwiched.
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This is the case with my husband. He is besotted by his dad.. mine was a love marriage. they came here to stay for a month and his dad just broke the marriage. his dad has nice unique techniques. he doesnt shoot directly. He keeps the gun on his son's shoulder. He acts as if he is fine with my behaviour and he should take care of his life and all that sweet things as if he is bothered about his son. But he is such a J fellow and extremely possessive. He does dramas like acting melancholic and what not.. Just like a soap opera.. I was shocked and in utter disblief. My MIL is an innocent women slaved by my FIL.. and I am lost for words. He nearly broke my marriage and I m still in utter disblief that my husband was a completely different person and under his spell. Forget about me.. he completly forgot his daughter also. This fellow wouldnt allow him to spend time with my daughter also. At the pretext of asking questions he will keep constantly calling him.. God I suffered.. then i started wearing my headphones.. He will purposefully instaigate me when my husband is not around.. and I wore the headphones with some music pretending to be on calls and comepletly avoid him until he left.. But the impact he left is still continuing.. though my husband is bounced back .. I m unable to. I am so scarred that my husband not even once stood for me.. is hurting me like hell. We have been married for 14 yrs and it just took 1 month for his dad to break it. (Ihave never lived with them before except for a few weekends, since we had a love marriage and his dad never approved of the marriage I was not allowed in their house)