Elder One..

@messedup No worries.when he is grownup you can find a change with him.You Don't get angry for his behaviour.you encourage him in his activities which will make him happy.

 

First thing first. The like option I clicked not to be interpreted that I liked the predicament you had narrated in your above post.
2. At closer quarters, i could relate what you wrote to the then prevailing situation with my junior BIL's family few decades ago.
2. They two pareted two sons with spacing of two years between them. Elder was exactly like your senior son.
Whereas the younger boy was outgoing street smart but the bonding between them not affected. Their post grad mother managed easily with them and both turned now a gem of personality one in Canada doing advance research with robotic science and the other in management with hongkong bank at Singapore.
3. Parents continue to remain GOLD in Amway. You got to be strict using stick and carrot policy in moderation.
God bless all members of your family.

 

When being strict with one other should not feel intimidated. Sooner after being strict, something to be done to ease the atmosphere. Like a glide little sharp way smooth and bit sharp .
Elder one seems to me would turn into a great profound thinker and the junior might become a pragmatist quick with required action and advance as accelerated. Both would do proud and need to society.
God bless.

 

Not to worry so much sis. I know your not micro monitoring...but i feel you don't have to go on detail analysis at this point...he is just 5 and it's quite common and gradually he will be on par and meet your expectations both of you need some diversion sis.

Take care!!

 

Dear @messedup ,

What you are facing is more common than you think. It is the story of almost every parent and yet I am not sure how many can say, do this, it will work! Thank goodness we are human and the same solution will not/may not apply. That is the whole fun

It is nice to see that
(a) you are aware and (b) you realize you can make a difference and want to.

The goal is to allow each child thrive with their personalities and their circumstances. As they grow older, it is bound to be different. Thankfully, each of them will have their own friends, classmates, teachers to appreciate who they are and what they are. It may seem obvious to you (the differences and the way people interact) now as a parent than it might be for the children themselves. That said, one of the things that you can do as a parent is spend quality time with your older one alone, create situations or take him to places where he can express well and feel a sense of belonging, may be a park, a library etc. may be you can even take him on a joy ride in your moped (if you have one), listen to him talk. Of course you can do the same with the other child too. I don't know how it works in India.

That is so cute and many gifted children that I work with are like this. Recently I had an experience (my students are 10 to 12 years old) - my class had worked on a big project and they had to put it all together as one piece. There was a slight error in putting together all the sheets with one of the students - he is thorough and takes longer and gives fabulous reports. I did not mind one bit as a teacher and was happy to give 100% credit to the child but one look at the student's face and I knew he wanted to correct that. So I paused even though I had a tight schedule, assigned work to the rest of the students and helped this child redo putting together his work. The joy on his face was worth it all and that made me feel good as a teacher. If you observe, I did mention that I gave him 100% on his report - that did not matter to him. What mattered to him was how he presented it. Of course, many a time I try to break this "perfectionist" attitude with the same child asking him to bend here and there. I have to constantly balance and I am happy to do that. So, the best thing is to pause what you are doing and listen to the child, at least most of the times and on occasion when you can't, do try to go back and ask about what is it he wanted to share. It makes a world of difference. When you start doing that, your younger one may also develop that sense of what his brother has to say is important too. Also, occasionally volunteering to ask him to share something that interests him will make a world of difference to him. Hopefully this will start bringing him out of his shell and as he grows older, he will be able to isolate people and situations and express where it is necessary. When we as parents consciously do these things along with our frustrations (don't beat yourself up with I need to be more patient), it teaches the child a lot and in all honesty what we feel and how we react as parents affects more than how/what other people do. You may already be doing this but in our busy schedules, we may not be giving 100% and children sense it so easily though they do not realize or express even.

As for he responding to what needs to be done, if it is like getting ready to school etc, one of the ways to help is to have a schedule - I get this request from a lot of parents and I request quite a few parents to adopt one. Have a list posted spelling out what needs to be done before he heads to school and help him initially to follow and then allow him to do on his own. Having a routine like this in a classroom setting has helped me a lot - even though my students are much older. Avoid saying look at your brother, he gets ready so fast - you know your elder one has his own strengths too.

Basking in each of their individual strengths and helping them grow in other areas (areas where they need help)and doing that without comparing is our challenge as a parent. And @messedup, it will all be okay! They will figure it out - continue to give that stable and loving environment.