Help Me Decide!

I have been living in us for 10 years now and I moved 4 times. Our friends have changed, but there are a handful of people we still are in touch with. Like I said, it is a lot of work, but I like to put in the work when I like the people. The freedom I talked about has nothing to do with living with in laws. Everyone, including my parents, in laws and relatives, always have something corrective to say (always about something I did is not good enough), regardless where they live in India or not. Something like that is up to you that you take it seriously or decide if it bothers you. One thing I learned from living here is being true to myself, which I didnt care before. if some one else is taking BS about me, and there is no truth to it, I don't care. If they are elders, I tell them respectfully, whatever I did is my choice. usually they back off. if they didn't it is their problem. Also, it doesn't matter if you live in India or the US, where there are Indians there will be gossiping and all other Indian stuff. But dont get disheartened if you decide either way. Life is all about making the choices you want to make and live with it happily.


Please write about the pros of India. Hope you will sort out and make a decision you like to live with!

Cheers!

 

Op..

I moved to India after 7 yrs stay in USA for following reasons:

1. Boring and monotonous life in usa.
2. Craved to take care of Parents and in-laws .
3. Fed up of visa issues

After moving:
1. Got a real dose of what married life felt in india while living with in-laws.
2. Weddings/festivals felt like chores and tiresome rather than enjoyment.
3. Constant comparing with other on assets/luxuries.
4. Saw my parents suffer more cuz the bias between parents and in-laws that society puts.
5. Luckily got job easily and enjoyed time at office more than home.

Moved backed to USA after 5 yrs cuz:
1. The fights between the two families and me-dh were going worse. Realized that me and H had no issues as such but we fought cuz of issues around us. We were naive and couldn’t control or stand firm cuz we didnt want to hurt both sets of parents.
2. Needed some time off to give a second chance to life.

Good things about India:
1. Ppl are not as nosy as before cuz everyone is busy in their life.
2. Ppl in india catch up to technology very fast. Felt great to see and be a part of that transition.
3. I thrived very well in my job as the issues at home pushed me hard to excel. I actually invented some stuff and patented.
4. Cuz of constant comparison with others, we actually bought 5 properties which wouldnt have been possible living in usa.
5. Had great time with friends. Going on trips with them helped me relax. Spent money like crazy on shopping, trips, resorts, jewellery cuz i earned well.

Overall, i dont regret my India move. It was deemed to happen. I changed a lot(for good). Both sets of parents realized the limits and we see less fights and issues during their trips to usa.

Our plan is to move back in couple of years.. i feel that moving to india earlier is better as it will be difficult to catch up with ppl, trends, culture, attitude etc.

 

Hi OP
I moved from Canada to India five years ago so sharing my experience. But first of all big shout out for @SinghManisha for the response . You have it all figured out for us.

Here are my comparisons:

Family: This is a big thing for me. I am very close to my mom. Although parents visit regularly and I also go to India this is somewhat taken of. I do have cousins who have ensured that their parents stay very close to their neighborhood in India and I am secretly jealous of them

Friends: So i am an introvert and have found it difficult to make friends but when I make friends they are ppl I can share anything and everything. Coming here to Canada definitely made me feel lonelier but luckily I have a couple of ppl at workplace that I can talk to.

Work: My work life in India was good and I struggled a lot before I got a decent job here in Canada because I am not from tech background. This does hurt me for sometime but I wouldn't want to go back to India just for this reason because today's economy is really unpredictable no matter which country you live in.

On the social life aspect I suggest you try exploring non-Indian friends through you son's school activities or workplace activities. As long as you are open to meeting new people I am sure you will make some good friends.

Regards
Ramya

 

This is quite true !
I moved to India last year. (My reasons of moving are all different and I have my own little sob story... keeping that aside) I find life was way more relaxed in the USA. I think I could travel anywhere quite easily. It used to take 12-13 minutes to go 4 miles. Here it some times takes more than an hour to go the same distance. And by the time I reach home, Im just tired of the travel and cant really socialize. I have old friends who are constantly struggling with their mil issues and cant even meet on weekends.
Some times its really lonely in India. Even to just go by yourself in the city, it gets so difficult. I had a way more happening life in the USA (Im myself not very social, still I had some people bonding)
And I somehow find people way more indifferent here these days.
I hear you... you want the relatives and weddings and the dress up and all nice things ; but if you are worried about the nosy relatives, then that negates the purpose of moving here too. But well, thats just my opinion

 

Correction to my earlier post - I moved from India to Canada

 

I apologize in advance for what I write below:

Quoting your post : “ everybody had housewife mentality ....no one wanted to work or study”.

The above statement would seem being very judgmental to many. For someone that hates their relatives for being judgemental , this is surprising.

Your posts and replies have judged everyone : Americans, housewives, people without cars etc. A small change in mindset will help you adjust and blend with people in any country ( India or US) . Sorry to call you out, I promise I won’t be lurking around your post anymore.

 

Good for you.

I am fortunate to have very loving in-laws. But I dont consider staying away from MIL issue as a joke. I have seen my friends suffering while staying with controlling in-laws ( like a glorified servant with no freedom or privacy or financial freedom) . Visit Relationship With In-Laws forum here , you will realize the depth of the issues people face everyday from PILs and moma's boy kind of husbands. May be people who stay away from bad in-laws don't realize it. It will not appear like a joke for many who have gone through or observed it. At the end of the day everyone want peaceful life. If its affected by a person and its out of our control, it is better to stay away, even if its in another country or state or separate home and it may be the best option for them. So I am empathetic to anyone in that situation. Its traumatic. People share here their experience and perceptions. It may or may not match with others. But we need to respect it, I believe. Sorry to divert.

Anyway all the best with whatever you decision you take. Both options/countries have pluses and minuses. I am sure you will choose whats best for you & your family.

 

actually i kinda agree with @SinghManisha. she infact apologized before writing, that clearly showed to me, that person respects your view but also disagrees.. .

I find you quite rude and controlling, where you want to hear about what you have set up in your mind and comment strongly on people who disagree.

the moment you posted something on a public forums, there will be views which can go either side, as an OP. i would just take them and digest accordingly for my benefit instead of commenting back.

i do not think, moving to any country would change much unless the person inside changes. india can be as lonely you want to be. USA can be as lively as you make out of it .