1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Help Me Decide!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019.

  1. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    296
    Likes Received:
    510
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    I think ur more obsessed about moving out from ur current location. So good or bad the decision is urs the consequences good or bad will b for u to work out too. So dear, all the best to u :ciao:
     
    SinghManisha and Mindfulness like this.
  2. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Anyone else... i am sure many people will have this dilemma.. if the same post was about extra marital affair.. there would be too many replies:tongueclosed:
     
    Ramyarc likes this.
  3. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    I am not obsessed.. i just stated the facts.
     
  4. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    1,429
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Haha..good one!

    So here it goes: I think you should move back when there is still time. A little more time, and you won’t be able to go. There are many factors beyond pilitics and friends. Looks like you have okay MIL, doesnt liv with you. And no siblings on husbands side. Relatives from husbands can be handled and your side- you can totally ignore- if you want to saying that your MIL said that you cant mingle with them:)

    Foreign land will always be foreign. You will have to learn even if you are in old age home because they will be serving to foreign people. You will never stop being a phorener here.

    No person will tell you this in face to face conversation but going back wins when the loneliness if soul is profound. No one will agree to this in person to you. You will have to constantly battle it in numerous ways. First you will loose track of movies then stars then festivals then cousins then politics then elections then etc
    But the point is that you wont be able to replace it with politics from here or festivals from- at deeper level- it doesnt happen
    I am giving honest and soul bearing opinion
    But again, I am standing in my shoes not urs
     
    Mindfulness likes this.
  5. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you so much for your honest reply. Yes nobody says it because they have made a choice and they don't want to talk about the flawness of their choices.
     
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,683
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    That is what I think too , Sandy !

    OP , you seem to have made the decision and want everyone to confirm it is right. That is not happening.

    Here is my honest reply :
    I love being here. I have friends from different countries, different age groups. I am happy petting their dogs and comfortable discussing their dates/exes.
    I don’t watch football but I talk to my American friends about cricket.

    I can call my boss with his/ her first name, my performance at work dictates how good or bad I am.

    My kids may not get to attend weddings or have a million friends. But our weekends are spent at the library / park / doing fun art and craft projects. They get social stimulation at school and at other extra curricular activities they attend.
    I do not have time on weekdays , the monotonous scheduled life suits me best.
    I don’t have to worry about relatives , I see them once in a while. I am away from all the gossip.
    I am more than sure about my decision because it works better for me.
    You need to convince yourself about your choices and what works for you.
    Good luck with whatever you choose !



    ,
     
    startinganew, lavani, Ramyarc and 3 others like this.
  7. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry i have not made the decision and i beg to differ. It is the fact whatever i have stated. It is just that you are happy and content with the situation. Dont think everybody will be similar too. Not having time on weekday is not similar as having dull n boring day. They two are different things. In india.. you can be busy and still have vibrant life.. but i do know that indian social life has its own disadvantages.
    I am also happy discussing about their dogs or ex’s.. but i cant deeply bond with them nor i cant relate to them.
    I have never seen American interested in knowing about cricket. They just want to speak about their country all the time. Have you ever watched other country news on american news channel? Never! I bet. Unless USA is involved they are least interested what is happening in other countries. Put on sky news.. ( london based English news channel) .. i see world news all the time. I have never had American bond too close with us on a family level. They might play tennis together.. do yoga together.. just hobby based friends.. no emotional interactions.. most pf the time they cant relate to our situation. However i am aware of gosspis.. in law interference, sibling rivalry, extended family politics in india.. hence the dilemma.: if i had already made up mind.. I wouldn’t come on this forum.. to post this.. simply to waste my time.. anyways thanks for sharing your views. I am glad that you enjoy staying in usa.. good luck.
     
    yesican likes this.
  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,683
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Why are you expecting Americans to bond with you at a family level ??
    Different countries have different cultures/ mindsets , you either accept and assimilate or move on to where you feel most at home.

    Why do you want American Tv to air international news ? There is enough content online, people will read what they want to read or watch.

    I am not telling you to be happy or content being here. You missed my point. I am here because I am happy and content. If you are not, you do not have to stay here. That’s your choice.











     
  9. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Because america is country of immigrants.. so they need to put international news as well.. even American themselves need to be aware of what is happening in other countries. Common sense. I want to bond. Because you cant always and only make indian friends. This is not india. I know what to do.. i was just wondering.. which challenge is better to put up with? India or america.. thats all lady..

    I knew you did not tell me to be to happy n content. ( how can you tell me.. it is up to me to be happy n content.. it is understood) .. i did not miss your point.. But you said i have already made up mind. No i have not.
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,917
    Likes Received:
    3,997
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    I had an opportunity to discuss similar topic with Indian ladies in USA.I have noticed that many ladies dont want to go back to India mainly due to MIL issues . Also they dont want to stay with husband s family. Moreover they like the FREEDOM, they have here. It seems like they have faced much interference in their personal matters from relatives and in-laws when they were in India. Some of my friends were discussing r2i , but they didnt go because they like the educational system ,living standard and opportunities here.

    Two of my friends r2i but came back within 2-3 years because they couldn't adjust with the work culture- hierarchy, corruption etc in their respective fields. One of my acquaintance recently moved to Blgr. Look like they are happy, but staying away from both sets of family.

    If you are confused you can take a break and live in India for a while, check how it goes. Once you live in India , no one give you any importance as NRI. Every one is busy in India too, I dont think people have much time to bond or interact like before. I too miss, many good things in India, especially colors, crowd and festive mood . But career wise I am comfortable here. If you can plan vacation every year to india, you dont miss any one. You can call anyone at anytime so easily. Will you get the same job, India. If not , are you comfortable to be Sahm. Also remember, situation has changed, your friends, siblings etc have their own life. They are also busy.

    Take a decision thats best for your happiness, then your family of 3's happiness & comfort. Other things or people does not matter.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019
    Sinant, Mehana, Vaikuntha and 2 others like this.

Share This Page