1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Silent Treatment

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by newwife, Apr 28, 2019.

  1. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    732
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Btw. Leaving a marriage is not to change them but for us to lead a happy and peaceful life snd have hope that we will find love and romance
     
  2. ramya8085

    ramya8085 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    please understand that lot of men deal with conflicts with silence because they feel they need to give space to reorganize their thoughts.

    this is not a reply to support any men. just my observations.

    women's voice tone is deeper, and during emotional stress it is more. that subconsciously scares a lot of men that they care to admin and when a person is scared his ego does 2 things ( fight violence or flight - run away with silence )

    conflicts should be expressed short with the least amount of emotion and with consequences. :) you can decide .

    also take this to the ground, men are not good in expressing emotions good or bad.

    and just for the sake , imagine your father as a stranger, and think about how verbal was he to your mom. we never notice our parents, but technically it has been the same issues about communications
     
    senorita2019 likes this.
  3. ramya8085

    ramya8085 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female

    very true . In laws problem happens because the spouse does not understand that wife is first priority .

    also some battles should be ignored .
     
    SinghManisha and senorita2019 like this.
  4. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    1,429
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    True!
     
    Amulet likes this.
  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,683
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    How do you negotiate with the spouse when they are totally silent, unresponsive and build a virtual wall that you cannot access ?? Why do you think women subjected to silent treatment resort to shouting or sobbing ? Not all women indulge in emotional drama. We are capable of having rational discussions.



     
    senorita2019 and Vaikuntha like this.
  6. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    1,429
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    @ramya8085
    Not all men are bad and not all men need benefit of doubt.

    Some men go over board with the silent treatment. It is really bad if the woman is housewife and/or in US.
    In a different country, there is no one to talk to, when you are home all day.

    I don't know about all men, because I am not married to all. But the one I married, most definitely had/has evil intentions. He still talks, only to the child.
     
  7. newwife

    newwife Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    30
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Yup mine is the same

    The silent treatment is not for him to calm down or gather his thoughts It lasts for weeks and it is to break me down

    Even when he talks it’s about household stuff or things necessary . No small niceties. No talking about how was your day .
    He travels for work but will inform me the day before his trip that he is going away for a week and that too through a 3 year old... “Hi bub, daddy is going to London tomorrow for 1 week and will be back on Sunday .I will miss you .”
    That message is meant to inform me and that is the only piece of info I’ll get. Then it’s upto to me to figure out how to manage a kid and my job on my own for a week.

    I believe in God but am not the kind to pray everyday . But after reading @hermitcrab I decided to give it a try and I do meditate in mornings now . That gives me the strength to get through the day .

    Hermitcrab, do you work ?
     
    Vaikuntha, SinghManisha and Amulet like this.
  8. newwife

    newwife Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    30
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Also just curious how is silent treatment going for Others ? Has anyone implemented a new strategy and seen any improvement ?
     
    dhivyacc likes this.
  9. ramya8085

    ramya8085 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    i do understand and agree . self emotional healing is very hard in such case. i read some where it is very hard to pretend single when you are in a relationship which is not going good.

    cannot suggest or say anything, unless one experiences that pain, it is even hard to empathize.

    god bless
     
    Amulet and Vaikuntha like this.
  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,682
    Likes Received:
    11,157
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    I used to take a lot of stress with a traveling spouse not knowing kab kaha etc etc. These days, I don't even remember the schedule of the comings and goings. I got tired of making my life revolve around the travel schedule. I started to treat my time alone not as a punishment but as a good way to have a little one on one with the child(ren). In fact, I keep things very light when DH isn't around. I decide to not cook on the fly, go out with kids at 6ish, come back, take luxurious baths, no cooking hence no dishes, I skip classes if I don't feel like driving and I don't really consider myself a super mom doing it all for the kids when Dad is away. I do what I can. Lately, I have started to use every app available to its fullest - favor for food deliveries, fresh for grocery, favor for Indian store deliveries, etc. I also hire an occasional sitter and get out with GFs. No silent treatment etc, so I'm not sure how to help you there but these scheduled and unscheduled trips can be managed. Even if you work FT and the kid is in daycare, find evening sitters or mom's helpers. When I started doing that with my older child, I felt like I got my life back. I don't work out of the house nowadays but still do most of these things.

    I personally think that the more fun you have when DH is away, the lesser inclined he will be to use it to emotionally abuse you. Consider the trips a big treat for yourself. You do work and have your own income. Use it for your conveniences here and there.

    Btw - when he goes on trips, however silent - send a shopping list. Don't forget Burberry perfumes from Heathrow duty-free. Why should you suffer because he is having a mouna vratham? You should get your things, don't let your ego get in the way of the things :)

    I'm really sorry about your situation. It is actually an emotional roller coaster, one that you shouldn't be on. I'm not sure I would have been able to survive in such a situation. Don't let him master you with his silence. Each day of yours is yours alone to live. Enjoy your today, regardless of who is talking to you this day. Doris Day has said it better than I ever could.

     

Share This Page