Thanks for prodding my boyhood and college days. 2. For over a decade almost every day, I spent my afternoon with gang of friends or sometimes singly both in morning and evening in marina corporation play ground, near the shore, near the college, playing, studying, cricketing. I even helped neighbour boy to sell his vada, Thenga, manga-Pattani-Sundal... 3. A description of morning scene by beach by one of characters in my novelette*: After breakfast, I spent some more time driving to other places. Around 6o’clock, I was in the midst of a fisher-folk standing on the shores of Marina beach, watching a family of skylark flying in a large rhombus pattern and then collapsing to a long parabolic arc across the East and silhouetted with huge ochre Sun softly rising from misty horizon, while the incoming and receding waves dancing and wetting my feet. A couple of ships seemingly tiny seen through the mist. I felt de-stressed. Presence of a young enthusiastic couple, holding between them, a small baby’s hand on either side attempting to wet her feet made me linger or long for presence of spouse juxtaposed. Some fisher folk were busy pushing their catamaran to the shore with huge bundles of nylon-net full of silvery fish varieties. They were soon surrounded by their womenfolk and some traders, while a huge gang of crows boldly walking on their net and catamaran. It reminded me of my wife expertly cooking fish recipes. After sometime, I was carrying my socks tucked in shoes, walked back on sand to the main road where I had parked my scooter.While walking I saw ahead of me, long shadow of mine gave me jitters. I shook off sticking sand from my wet feet and trousers. * A Date With Thief - Watch Live Regards.
There are times when I try to pick on people around me to deflect some deep rooted anger from the past. I have been trying to work on this but somehow things were not progressing in right direction. Last week on two occasions when I had a choice to make decision I put my need before everyone else . On both of these occasions initially I felt guilty but later on I realized I was happy with what I did and honestly people around me were fine with my decision. My deep rooted anger comes from the fact I try to put me in back burner and try to overdo things and then expected my act to be recognized. In my heart, I was always looking for this appreciation that I gave up something . Honestly I don't think I did anyone any favor by my act where I was still looking for something in return. Now I have been trying to satisfy myself with my acts. I like this version of me. I feel less angry and more happy. Maybe this is real me.
Something I was wishing fervently against happened. Was anxious all night. Woke up at 5 am much before the alarm. Meditated and got a bunch of work done before the rest of the family woke up. I could feel the knots in my chest release as I breathed through the meditation. Anxiety has now turned into resolve. I will endure no matter what comes.
May 21/19: Such a sweet joy any day to watch my baby nephew (try to) say ba-na-na! Also, Mil shared a picture of her to us, all dressed up, shy shy and blushing. Highlight? The pearls in her neck, a gift from fil. Aww. Them, that, very adorable! #Blessed! It was a good "family evening together", though via the internet.
I was working from home, did some research, cycled 10 miles, went for a long walk with a friend while our boys were training (avoided gossiping) and listened to Brene Brown. A very productive day indeed.
Day 15: Got NOC after a struggle from my administration officer to pursue higher studies. First line crossed, still have to obtain study leave approval, relief certificate, sponsorship certificate. Fingers crossed but am optimistic..
I was hoping something to happen so badly in the business and suddenly this prospect asked for a call with us instead of with our clients. Generally, it is considered a bad sign and I was initially disappointed. Then, I repeated the mantra I shared with @iyerviji (Vijiakka) telling myself, "All that happens is for my good alone". The call was at 3:30 p.m. and the call turned out to be much better than what I thought. Saranagadhi is like the clutch we use when we shifting gear moving from pleasure to pain and vice versa so that we are not overwhelmed with too much excitement and ego when we face pleasure or depression and disappointment when we face pain.
Everything looks so beautiful- sunshine, wind, birds, flowers...want more...Yes, I am back to normal schedule after a short break due to illness. Long way to go...
Day 39: Tat moment when DH praises that I prepare tastier food than one of the most famous and upscale restaurant here Day 40:I was stuck with some issue from last week. Finally was able to solve it today