Self Improvement- Over Coming The Weakness

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by Paripoorna, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. Paripoorna

    Paripoorna Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    499
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes..conscious work on my words should help. I hope i can also change this with practice. Thanks.
     
  2. Paripoorna

    Paripoorna Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    499
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @sarvantaryamini , I will definitely work on these. Currently as you said i am just holding it back . Over a period of time i would be able to turn it to positive.
     
  3. Paripoorna

    Paripoorna Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    499
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes! @anika987 , I have to learn it. I really admire people who have this trait. I have seen some of them around me. Even when the true intention of a person is bad , the way they put it forward makes all the difference. Even when our intentions are good the way i speak does not reciprocate it.
     
    sarvantaryamini and anika987 like this.
  4. SpringB

    SpringB Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    3,209
    Trophy Points:
    265
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, sorry to hijack ur thread. I need help too.

    Actually I do not have the tactic of getting my point heard both professionally or personally. People read my weakness and I give in easily doing exactly what I should not. How to tackle this? I do not know how to make someone understand that their comment s are hurtful ? If I tell once next time the same incident is again used to hurt me. I have tried being quiet tried being considerate tried arguing with valid points. Professionally It would be either dispersed as invalid or will never be heard. Personally people quit talking. I know I am failing somewhere but don’t know where to work on this
     
  5. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    110
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Don't try to hold back too much..sometimes you will lose yourself trying to hold back too much.. It is okay to an extent to be direct..but yes a conscious effort is required..
    If you tell something very negative and you realise it immediately add a positive to it..
    Maybe in your manager's situation when he said I know we didn't achieve the numbers you can add 'Yes but hope they recognise all the hard work you have put it..that should be credited and I'm sure we can achieve it now'

    If it is too negative and you have hurt the other person just apologise to them and let them know it something you never meant..

    Changing oneself without losing themselves if a long process..so don't beat yourself up too much if something goes wrong..
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,370
    Likes Received:
    24,115
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    @Paripoorna,

    There are three aspects to everything we face in life and they are called Receipt, Reaction and Response. If Receipt is something that is of no value, we have a mechanism to reject it at that stage itself. Receipt happens very quickly as the senses communicate quickly to the brain but Reaction takes its own course. This is the discrimination part that requires more analysis in the brain. When it is a painful experience, we need to compress the time and move on and when it involves personal growth and development, we should spend more time to discriminate. Response should never happen until we had enough time to discriminate. You should stop responding quickly without giving enough time to your brain to discriminate.

    Secondly, in the example you have given about your discussion with the manager, imagine a rock being systematically broken by a person. He hits the rock with a hammer 100 times and then take a break due to sweating. Then, another person takes over and hits the rock only once and the rock breaks. Would you say that 101st hit was so powerful that stone broke into pieces? The rock was weakened by the earlier 100 attempts and it reached the breaking point in 101st time. Right? The collective mind of people at work requires motivation upon discrimination and hence the manager keeps repeating the target several times until the goal is achieved. The mind changes a little every time something is said.
     
    Paripoorna and peddadas like this.
  7. peddadas

    peddadas Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,268
    Likes Received:
    829
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, I dont have any good advice but commenting here just to say that your question opened so many doors here. Thanks to that.

    I am grateful to all of you to receive such benefiting responses.

    Thanks to all of you.

    @Viswamitra Sir, well said.
    @anika987 such a positive vibe !!
    @GeetaKashyap Researching the information and providing details to us shows how much you care for us and thanks for being a mentor here @ IL.

    OP, I apologize for using your thread, did not wanted to create new one for the same topic.

    --PS
     
    Paripoorna and anika987 like this.
  8. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,365
    Likes Received:
    10,561
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry for interruption Madam.
    Dear Viswa,you have segregated every aspect of activity into three parts. Receipt,Reaction and Response.
    Receipt is automatic.
    What I have been given to understand by reading books is reaction is rather immediate and depends on sentiments and emotions and response is the discriminatory part.We have more often been advised not to react but respond that is not to take action overpowered by emotions but to discriminate,think and
    take decision.
    You seem to connote differently in your response.
    Jayasala 42
     
    Paripoorna and Gauri03 like this.
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,370
    Likes Received:
    24,115
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Smt. Jayasala:

    That quote is based on the teaching of Swami Parthasarathy who had written a book called "Vedanta Treatise" in which he explains the difference. He considers receipt as what is felt through senses and we have a right to reject or receive based on our own willingness to accept it or not. Reaction as long drawn process of discrimination and response as something we address vocally or in writing or in action (which should be done only after a detailed analysis). He advises reactions filled with negative emotions should not be judged quickly nor it is advisable to retain that under reaction stage for long. That is why I had mentioned in my recent post "Legacy" that I disconnect each experience as an independent activity without connecting them so that there is no legacy in my mind when I make judgment about each happening.

    There could be different way of looking at it and I am willing to listen to your perspective on reaction and response.
     
    Paripoorna and Gauri03 like this.
  10. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,365
    Likes Received:
    10,561
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Viswa. My response was just to get clarification as I found your narration different. Yes,there are many angles in which an issue can be discussed.Sometimes each angle varies and imparts a lesson in its own way.These days many personality Development texts are in the market and many gurus give lectures not only on Ithihasas but on Management studies.
    Thank you Viswa.
    Jayasala 42
     
    Paripoorna and Viswamitra like this.

Share This Page