How To Encourage Lazy Teen

May be fix timings for TV, as family time together, it would be her choice what to watch. Spend more time and do her interest of things with her, like going for her favorite eatery/ice cream place, on weekends, so she not sticked to TV. From ice cream to park, start with 5 min only, increase time every weekend.

 

does she have any friends. does she talk to you about her friends.

i am not sure if you are india or usa. but usa kids i feel are different, making friends is harder or they make it harder. my teen kid tell a lot which i feel is lot drama that i went in my school in india, it was lot simple.
i would suggest you to look at her social circle more than individual.

is she medically ok. hormones can do a lot of damage too.

 

Hi!
I can relate to this and am dreading the teenage years !!
The thing is that the kids need to get excited or look forward to some activity they do; as long as parents are the ones driving the interests its just the same cycle again and again!

Its a tough nut to break , but , what I would suggest is that keep trying to get her to participate in some study/hobby classes/ home activities wherein wherein she meets other kids her age and we never know when with what activity/interaction triggers the neurons!

Also, for some time, if there is constant nagging, it has to be toned down and if there's none, then it needs to be steeped up! Moms are damned either ways.. Catch 22!
Friends is really the issue, but its so difficult to culture those ...
I really look forward to any suggestions on this thread from mommies who have been there and done that

 

@Emarald I hear you on this one. How about weekends ? is she interested in going for walks with you ?

 

Being far away makes it really tough.

I can't answer to all your points - but trying to think of my teenage days:

Regarding walking:
I would never consider "walking" fun - it is not a very physically fun/challenging activity neither it is intellectually stimulating for a teenager/young adult. Even in my 20s the only time I liked walking was if I had great company to chat - or some brand new place to explore. So just asking a teenager to walk in the neighborhood park (which she might have already explored many times) - doesn't sound very enticing - (I am sorry if that sounds rude..)

Regarding dance/gymnastics:
My parents also encouraged me to try many things - but despite what I liked or not - usually what made me "stay" and keep at these classes was having a good set of friends i wanted to spend time with during and after the class - that was the best part :-D

Try to find out what "cool" activity her peer group is doing. Maybe - team up with another parent whose kid your kid likes to spend time with and enroll them for some fun class together.

What does she watch on TV and on the laptop? Try to know about her specific interests - you also read more about each of this (even if it sounds trivial and silly to you) - chat about it with her casually. Once you can engage in conversations about her interests - then you can figure out how to get her attention away from the screen.

Some of my non-Indian friends pay their kids for home chores (very alien concept to me!) - clean up, family laundry, garden raking, mowing etc. But kids need to use the money only with parents during outings or via parents if it is online purchase.

 

I just wanted to comment on this part. I used to be like this not for cleaning or chores but for something else. I have realized one thing begging never works . I would define rules on what will happen if cleaning doesn't happen on time. A consistent system in place will help you to get her disciplined.

 

@Emerald,

How far away are you? Is it a distance you can drive and go back fairly easily? Is it possible for you to come home every Friday night and go back Sunday night or is the same thing possible for her? Does she drive? Do you know her friends?

As much as we can see the potential in our kids and feel that all they need is to spring out, it is important to help them experience that. Expecting her to be self motivated may not be the best thing to do right now. TV/Phone/Laptop are tools that help her escape boredom or simply fill in her time - she may not realize that and you are right that's because she doesn't know better. She may not even be seeing you away working as a sacrifice (I am sorry to put it that way!) - She may be thinking that you are busy in your life and why can I not be busy doing what I do (I don't have to like it!). I am always surprised when I talk to kids and I reset myself constantly. I have met many a kid who thrive when boundaries are set, when their gadgets are taken away. I have also met kids who have asked me to challenge them to keep their gadgets away (that's their way of asking for help). No I am not saying it becomes life changing and they will stay put there. If anything, you will be required to do more of it, for sometime. It needs a consistent long term effort from us, adults in their lives. I am teacher, a parent to teens and I work with all ages and grade levels. I cannot tell you the number of times I feel "They are still kids" even with college bound kids! When I spend time consistently with them, I see their needs and do my best. So as busy as we are as adults and there is a lot on our plates, kids need our hand holding and guiding and we have to do it subtly, firmly and consistently. It is a tall order but we are the adults and we need to take charge, find ways and help them feel rooted. Even after all these years I cannot say I have it figured out and every child that comes my way is unique and I always start at their level.

I know it sounds easy to talk - I do not understand the background of families and I almost always refrain from offering any advice and please excuse me if I have said anything that could hurt your emotions or sentiments. Sometimes, we as parents just have to take that first step, many first steps (following different methods) in fact so that we can see our kids blossom.

I do a few things that kids do like (both with my own and students) - I read the books they read even if I cannot handle all that teen pulp fiction! I watch the shows they watch, shop with them, hear out their pet peeves about their teachers - mostly not react right away without sleeping on something. I sincerely hope you find a way to bond with your child, know her friends and then comes the clean room, walking etc part. Best wishes to you.