Cheating And Forgivenss In Married Life

Dear OP,

Many members here gave their opinions, I would like to break it down for you a little more -
Your H
1. Sleeps with call girls
2. Has full support from his parents (your in-laws)
3. Earns and knows that you are fully dependent on him
4. Is confident that you have no choice - for your living and kids' expenses

You:
1. A beautiful mother of 2 children
2. Have work experience
3. Can earn, even if its less
4. Have a choice to leave this idiot and make a fresh start.

You need to move out and show him that you dont' need him , not the diseases he will most likely spread.
You might not earn a LOT, but you will earn a little and thats enough to start afresh.
I understand you might not be able to meet all your needs but you got to do it.
You either raise your kids with a dad who is teaching your son that its okay to sleep with random women or you raise him to be dad-less and the reason why his dad is out of the picture.
Such sex maniacs are dangerous for your daughter.

Please be confident in your abilities.
There will be jobs that allow to work from home... you just need to take a decision and work towards it.
And please don't think that you have to do it just for your kids - NO - you have to do it for yourself too.
You need to be self sufficient to raise self sufficient kids - you cant pour from an empty cup.

You said you and kids do not deserve this - the reality is he does not deserve the cute kids and a beautiful wife.
He deserves call girls and STDs.

I am the only child for my parents too - I lost them when I was 17-18 yrs old. I did not have any mamaji's. I grew up in womens' hostels.
Have a goal, work towards it. Dont give your H the power to block you from a bright a future.

Don't give up buddy - you are not alone , there are multitudes of women in such battles.
You have work experience, you know how to use internet, you know you have to do something to feed your kids .

In my regional language (Telugu) there is a song that roughly translates to :

There is no moment without pain / struggle , at every step - be it life or death.
Life is a continuous battle - if you accept failure, not a single minute will be yours
You have a working body and blood - what else will be the biggest army to face life?
When your need is your weapon, your breath is your guard , your aim will become your drive
When there is always an attempt, even despair will feel hopeless,
As long as there is breath, even death fails to win and hence it wins over a corpse

Your marriage is a just a part of life dear - you need to take courage and show your husband that you are fully capable mother and its his loss that you moved out

 

Well said !!

 

@HHj - Iwanted to tell you something here. You might be a graduate with 11 years gap. But you also have a strong resolve to do better. Stop feeling bad for yourself. Remember the anger that someone, anyone treated you this way. You have an internet connection at home - enroll for an online masters or certification. Start an online business from home. Women have been treated in this manner earlier as well - what did they do.? We all have some marketable skill set that sets us apart from others and we can do something if we want to be financially independent if that is what we want to do, at any cost. It will not be easy but you definitely need a plan B - today, you are only losing your self respect/dignity, what happens if your husband abandons you tomorrow or dies? Would your in-laws have your back then?

Make a plan for yourself - plan how much you will need month on month to live by yourself and see what you would need to do. Set some time for yourself - one year or two. Get in touch with a lawyer to see how much of a maintenance you can get. Good Luck with everything!

 

OP ,
I want to tell one of acquaintance's story with you.

Her parents divorced when she was young and she grew up in convents/orphanages as her parents kinda abandoned her .When she was doing +2 she was tricked in to marriage and he was alcoholic.They separated (not legally) and she started doing small jobs to support her daughter. Later her husband came back to her and she forgave him for all the torture he did to him and started living together again.
But he just continued with drinking.They had another daughter and when the girl was 3 yr old he passed away due to diseases related to excessive drinking.
She just took control of her life and started doing multiple jobs.As an assistant in KG class,selling snacks to near by hotels,selling ready made clothes from home,stitching and tuition to primary kids.There was a time when she was doing 4 + odd jobs to support her and kids and slept only 4 hrs a day.She studied further and got degree(open university).Now after 9 years she heads a pre primary section in an international school.Her daughters are the most confident gems of their age because of her. Her in laws are very rich but they shut the doors when their son died.
Nothing is impossible.Just wake up and use whatever education/skills you have and use it wisely.You will find a way soon.

 

Op..whether you divorce this awful man or not...get financially independent .

Your husband and in laws are not reliable people.
Take your time ,but do it.
It will make you feel less helpless.
It will give you some confidence.