View On My Friends Suggestion Of Not Approaching Men

nolife · Apr 28, 2019

Hi All,
Not much in to marriage and a divorced person, I do not have much exposure of how to deal with men and talk to them.

One of my friend soon to married- she told me that the would never call the guy and it is his responsibility to call her all the time.. So she broke up with another match before as the guy had some communication issues.. so even with the last guy she would text back only if he talks , she would talk only if he calls.. same is the situation with the current fiance too.. she told me that she gets impatient and angry when he does not calls her on time but she never calls him.

This is about another married friend.. she also told me that she would never call the guy even guy friends..no matter what they have to call her and that is how one should be.

with the last match which failed miserably
though the guy did not ping me much, I have put my effort in initiation with couple of matches before though never worked.. Is it how a women shld be? Keep waiting for guys to call and not initiate?
fyi..both the girls are successful and happy in their marriage.

senorita2019 · Apr 28, 2019

Disagree
Calling and pinging is normal and not sure whats the big deal. Sounds so immature and stupid to me

GlobetrotterG · Apr 28, 2019

After my marriage, my husband told me that my MIL was not happy to see that i initiated the calls frequently before my marriage. I do agree, i do think people get little doubtful if something is not done the traditional way.

Rekha.
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My blog : www.quora.com/profile/Rekha-K-75

Anusha2917 · Apr 29, 2019

nolife said: ↑

One of my friend soon to married-
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nolife said: ↑

both the girls are successful and happy in their marriage.
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These two statements are contradicting.
In any case an alliance failing miserably does not depend on who is initiating the call. You are mixing two different things.
In my opinion if you initiate the call it's not something wrong.

sneha1985 · Apr 29, 2019

I have noticed some girls doing this i.e. not calling/texting guys and still having a great relationship. However with couple of guys that I had talked to, they would call me most of the times, but they had politely asked me to call them sometimes as they would like it. However things didn't work out with them due to other reasons, but really nothing wrong in calling/texting a guy as long as you are not over doing it.

Rihana · Apr 29, 2019

The question you have would make for an interesting topic in conversation with a man. You can pretty much pose the question as is:

nolife said: ↑

...One of my friend soon to married- she told me that the would never call the guy and it is his responsibility to call her all the time.. So she broke up with another match before as the guy had some communication issues.. so even with the last guy she would text back only if he talks , she would talk only if he calls.. same is the situation with the current fiance too.. she told me that she gets impatient and angry when he does not calls her on time but she never calls him.
Click to expand...

Narrate the above casually. Then, pause. If sitting in a restaurant make sure the waiter is not going to interrupt or few minutes, and then ask:

Is it how a women shld be? Keep waiting for guys to call and not initiate?
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Do not, absolutely do not say that both the girls are successful and happy in their marriage.

"Is it how a woman should be?" "Do men prefer to be the initiator always?" discussed without getting directly personal, without asking him what he prefers, is a good way to know his views. And it also provides some fertile ground for the conversation to take some interesting turns as the talk continues with hypothetical questions.

The key is to keep the questions generic: "Do men prefer..." Not "Do you prefer..."

nolife · Apr 29, 2019

Anusha2917 said: ↑

These two statements are contradicting.
In any case an alliance failing miserably does not depend on who is initiating the call. You are mixing two different things.
In my opinion if you initiate the call it's not something wrong.
Click to expand...

sorry i mean to say relationships..one is married and other is about to get married

Thyagarajan · Apr 29, 2019

Rihana said: ↑

The key is to keep the questions generic: "Do men prefer..." Not "Do you prefer..."
Click to expand...

That is the secret to test the under currents if any!
Regards.
God keeps sending current AROUND the globe while souls try to discover whether it is AC or DC.

Amica · May 9, 2019

nolife said: ↑

Is it how a women shld be? Keep waiting for guys to call and not initiate?
Click to expand...

Forget about what men as a gender prefer. The more important question is what do you prefer?

If you want a man who is rigid about traditional gender roles, wait for him to make all the calls.
If you want a relationship based on gender equality, call as often as he does.

Trying to fit somebody else's idea of an ideal mate can be unpleasant and frustrating. Just be yourself and choose your ideal mate.

.

pocahontas · May 9, 2019

Amica, OP
I have had a different experience with the last two men my parents introduced me to.
The last one had nothing to say and would not even initiate conversation (no calls or messages) and would only speak over the weekends after I would initiate a conversation. He was socially awkward (which I get, I am a little like that too), but this was too much. On top of it, he was a little too philosophical , as in what's so significant about it (music, travel, sports etc.). Naturally it did not work out!
The one that I am currently speaking with is a little similar in the sense he waits for me to message him.
I dont know what it is with these men and their hangups!