Who Is Our Real Enemy ?

I really don’t know know about the threads in discussion here. But it does look a tad bit relevant to this thread under discussion. Isn’t it a case where the woman having an affair is sabotaging the life of another woman( the guy’s wife)?

I am not here to justify the affairs or speak against it but just thought about an innocent woman whose life is being destroyed in affairs. I had witnessed the deleterious effects of affairs on the family and the innocent wife. That’s what I was thinking when I read the posts.

 

No, the woman wanted little spice in her life and started an affair with French guy who was a chef. Her husband was a nice guy according to her and she was quite unsure of what she wants. ILs were supporting even justifying "forgive and forget about the affair". It was kind of a challenge "why do you make a big deal when a woman has an affair?" May be the value system is different now.

As far as I am concerned, due to changing times, it is acceptable to find happiness with whomever you want. I steadfastly believe that there is no place for a continued affair in a marriage irrespective of the gender. If I am not mistaken she had 6 year affair.

 

Her husband was asexual. If I remember correctly, he was impotent. Was not ready to seek treatment

 

That must be a different thread.

There was never any mention of her husband's sexuality by OP. She met this French Chef, didn't mean to have an affair; but ended up having an affair. It is possible her sexual requirements were on high gear or she was overly sexual.

 

I haven’t read this thread and I don’t know the real problems in this case.

On the real issues of extramarital affairs there might be varied reasons for anyone indulging in it. There might be marital disharmony due to lack of communication, emotional disconnect, incompatibility due to physical issues etc. Sexual promiscuity plays usually a very insignificant role in the whole context. We wouldn’t know what led to this situation. The actual marital problems will only be known to the couple.

The affairs once happened, the one who betrays the partner usually feels guilty ( depending on the strength of their relationships with their spouse) and if their spouses are reasonably good, they keep their secret because they don’t want to lose their marriage. But that will just continue the betrayal. So it would be best if they stop the affair and get it out in open with their partner.

Trust is the fundamental aspect in marriage and if for whatsoever reason it had been breached the better option is to come out clean and try to get their issues solved. So one should make sure to tell the betrayed spouse if they want to stay in the marriage. If not they are at liberty to divorce and make their own choices.

I probably would say for those who had been in such situations, but still wanted to continue with their marriage with their spouses to “forgive themselves” and to “forget the affair”. Affairs can destroy the trust among couples and it can even end the marriage in many cases.

That’s my take on such situations.

@anika987
Seems we have veered off your discussion topic. Would be really glad to see your replies. Thanks for your ‘likes’ though!

 

Yes . This is exactly where I was getting to. Affair is toxic and harmful in all relationship irrespective of who is causing that.

Not exactly . Asking a question why women can't have an affair doesn't mean "women should have an affair or are in competition with men to have one". It was to bring a clarity that we should not accept or judge an affair based on gender.

And @anika987 : Apologies for diverting the topic elsewhere.

 

Thanks for the explanation.

I was thinking how much time has changed. It is okay for women to have affair just because men are having an affair. "Why can't women have affair?" seemed like challenging men.

Once again, thanks for the explanation. I have strong view, when it comes to marriage - and an affair/betrayal has no place in a marriage irrespective of the gender.

Not all marriages work; that is why it is best to get out of the marriage and find happiness elsewhere than betraying your partner.

 

sometimes, as in the case, the woman was friendly by nature, didn't mean to have an affair, but she did. That is not excusable nor an affair for any other reason. Affair is an excuse and cowardly.