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Husband Addicted To ****

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by memeera1234, Mar 23, 2019.

  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You have already received very valuable insights on this topic. Great replies ladies. Based on my limited experience my suggestion is to be positive and have lot of patience. Your husband appears as a very loving, caring and supportive person. So I feel that this issue can also be fixed. You have gone through a lot in the last ten years and are now blessed with a baby. If you are feeding, you may not be able to enjoy like a normal, healthy person. Our body is wired like that. It varies from person to person, I agree. So focus on your health, take care of yourself, do kegel excercise too. Explore internet for so many articles on this topic.

    Your frustration is quite natural. It's difficult to accept when you feel undesired and its hard to accept that your spouse dont consider you as the first priority on this important area. Watching **** is very common and I am sure it will be hard to find a man who dont watch it or masturbate. With mobile technology every thing is available in finger tips. So many sites/ groups for it, for sure.

    So the smart thing to do is not make it a big deal. If you reveal to your dh about internet history , he will find ways to hide it. I think he has been doing it before marriage and has been continuing for the last many years. Doing masturbation is a safe method to satisfy oneself and not harmfull like other addictions or exploring it outside marriage. Watching it fulltime is addiction for sure.
    Unless he consider it and accept as a problem, no one can stop him from watching it. In that case counseling or therapy to stop **** addiction if any, wont help .It may back fire and may result in more problems if he is not ready to accept or work on this issue. So deal with it carefully . Go for professional help as a couple only if both of you agree with it.

    Why he prefers it over you? That is what you have to explore in an intelligent way. Is it because he dont want to disturb you as you have been struggling a lot with pregnancy or baby. Some men has issue like they consider wife as baby's mom. Or is it because it's easy and more satisfying for him than having sex with you or did he feeling doing everything for you. Or not getting satisfaction for some other reasons through normal sex.

    I have read an article that not every women feel good through insertion alone, instead get satisfaction through stimulation of sensitive parts in that area. It varies from person to person and it's a combination of many facts. Even the lack of emotional bonding can affect it. Many women have not ever experienced peak in their life. What exactly is the reason your unsatisfied feeling- explore it. As it's a sensitive topic, choosing words and conveying in a positive way is very important. If it's like complaining or finding fault with his techniques, it will repel him more. So select words, like... i feel very happy when you hug/kiss me after that / or that way.. [Never use why ,what you..or negative words .instead use I feel, I like, i wish, i enjoy...as if you seek help or adore him. Spread positivity] .Enforce positives and direct him. Dont be shy.

    You can not reverse the past. So think about how you can improve your present. Try to express more, hug more,kiss ,touch,cuddle more normally and sensuality instead sex. Build on your emotional bonding and romance with him. Try to make him realize that spending time with you is more rewarding. If you can, join him in his room for some time before continuing to sleep with baby. Let him know that you love to spend time with him. Always watch how you convey the message especially on this topic . So many articles are on internet and YouTube on how to improve intimacy and make it more fruitful.

    In India( in other cultures too), traditionally, those girls who explore ones own sexuality or demand sex from partner are not considered good. Time has changed.
    Recent article suggests an increase in number of women watching/ reading erotica. It appears to me like today's women are not afraid of exploring their own sexuality and learn how to enjoy it. I like the way @Rihana mentioned that "good girls" are also doing it. Explore ways to know how to satisfy your self too. There are some articles in IL too. Exploring yourself will also help intimate relationship with your partner as well.

    So dont allow yourself to burn due to this issue. If your husband dont allow tagged photos in his Facebook time line, respect it. It's his page and his space. I have also set up my privacy settings in Facebook like that. I allow tagged photos only if I like it be shared on my timeline even if my dh or friends tag me. It's my choice. Making it a big deal wont help you.

    Dont feel bad that you initiate sex often. Do whenever you like doing it. Spend quality time with husband. Gain confidence and look confident. I feel that this stage also pass. In my case, my focus was always on my baby, so made it difficult to enjoy time my husband. With time it improved . So take your own time.

    Stay positive and conquer with love, care and understanding. Last but not the least -love yourself.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2019

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