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To Forget, Forgive And Let Go Of The Past

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SGBV, Feb 7, 2019.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @SGBV,

    I have read your earlier posts as well about the difficult time you went through in your married life. I am not a physician but based on my prior knowledge of interacting with psychologists/psychiatrists, I have a feeling that you are going through a clinical depression. Stranger are the ways the mind reacts to each situation. Your question "Why now?" is difficult to answer. You may need a combination of counseling plus medication to cure yourself and bring back smile in your face. Your reactions are coming from deep down from your compressed emotions and has no connection with the present happy life. You need a professional to get out all of your emotions and your husband may not be right person to do so. Even if he meets with a psychologist, he/she would advice him to be patient and listen to all of your sob stories from you patiently as it is just a momentary outburst and has nothing to do with your present happy life. It is better to let the infection out and that is the only way your mind will be cured.

    Those who have gone through difficult times in the past, a chemical in the brain called Serotonin begins to reduce dramatically reducing the positivity in life and Dopamine level begins to increase enhancing the anxiety. You may like to check this with a physician in order to get the right advice. When you are facing a crisis, your mind focuses its attention in addressing them and has no time to react. When everything is normal, it reacts and bring back all those emotions. Time delay in reactions like this is caused by the chemical reactions, in my view.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2019
    SunPa, shreepriya, soulful and 6 others like this.
  2. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Relax dear
    I know how it is as I can relate to everything you mentioned but only thing is mine was purely arranged marriage and I did not have a Job, even to this day I am angry at my parents for pushing me into this marriage when I was just 20 years, I wanted to work, enjoy my salary , sport a Company's ID card and hang around happily with my friends, but my father always had his way he least cared about our feelings, my life was miserable for the next 17 years,all my precious youth gone, my only life support was my DD, otherwise with out her I probably would have ended my life.
    every day was a challenge for me at my in laws home, DH being their only Son ( has two very older sisters)he was pampered and made a puppet in their hands, for him his family was more than God, I was treated like a thrash with minimum support from hubby, he hardly knew what was happening at home because of his demanding job, I felt useless , zero confidence but things started improving when I started to work from home ( Medical transcription) and DD became my best friend , learnt to ignore them , then fast forward.. my MIL expire after 2 years FIL followed her, both the SIL's had their own extended families and totally stopped bothering us in fact are not even wishing on their brothers birthdays.

    LIfe is super smooth now, hubby is totally a family man, DD has gone abroad for higher studies, now I have the full liberty to do what I want, but I still tell my hubby the person he is now, I wanted the same him when he married me, like you I still recollect so many incidents and tell him how I was treated , he patiently listens though , I am enjoying this new found freedom but those horrible memories haunt me and my only out let is to get emotional and share with my hubby, I know its useless to think or talk of the past, but after all we are humans and cannot let go the past so easily that to after suffering for so many years.
    Its okay lets not dig to much into our past horrible memories, lets enjoy the present, this is an advise for both of us.
     
    beautifullife30 likes this.
  3. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    @SGBV

    this is normal. all these years you did not have the time to grieve because you were busy surviving. now you are out of the survival mode, you are grieving.

    take your time to grieve, but also take time to be greatful for what you have now. because grieving alone without being greatful is a black hole that will suck you in forever.

    past experiences have made you realize how strong you are.that is something to be greatful for. H has improved and is even handling your frustrations with grace. In-laws are no longer involved. again, something to be greatful for. As difficult it is to see the silver lining, try to see it, if only to maintain your sanity.

    ensure your coping with the past does not affect children's happiness. because they deserve to be happy too. They have suffered as much as you have and are finally getting to know what a happy family is. make sure you don't extend the years of pain for them.

    Know what you are going through is normal and accept it. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve
     

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