1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How Handle This Behavior

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Starkgirl, Feb 21, 2019.

  1. Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    73
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    As you can see from my previous posts, I don’t get along with my MIL.. she troubled me from the beginning of my marriage and she is extremely passive aggressive. Now it’s been 4 years to our marriage and recently we blessed with baby girl.
    Unfortunately when I was 6 months pregnant I lost my mother unexpectedly and i am still struggling to come to terms with her loss.
    As I knew MIL behavior so I never expected any kind of help from her and told DH clearly the same so I arranged for all kind of help for first 2 months but MIL kept on insisting to help us so D.H. asked her to come and help us out.
    She started creating issue as soon as she came here, I was induced during my 38th week because of baby’s weight, I never really got pain until I was induced so MIL had problem with that , she kept on telling me because I took Crocin for my cold I did not get pain and indirectly blamed me for the same.
    She started telling D.H. not to help me once baby is born because I should learn to take care of baby all alone, all this she started a day before my induction.
    Once baby was born and we came home, her torture became even
    More intense. She used to search for things to fight.
    She had issue because I close the door while feeding, she had issue because baby is not latching properly ( I am first time mom... I had no idea about breastfeeding, instead of helping me all she did is blame me)
    She had issue because sometime I considered others advise over her(because that wat I felt best for baby)
    She had issue because I ate less ( I was sleep deprived) she had issue because I ate more
    She had issue because I did not drink milk first thing in the morning but waited for my breakfast
    She had issue because I fed baby when it cried ( she think I am over feeding the baby even when I told her it is not possible to overfeed while breastfeeding)
    She is so passive aggressive that she never express her problems but instead become very mean ( muttering under her breath , slamming doors all that drama) and start taunting me for random things and when I ask her what is the problem she says there is no problem, it is her wish to be as she wants ( and I should endure her just because she old and cranky , mother of my D.H.)
    It is like you never know for what she will get angry next and constantly thinking what have we done wrong this time.
    How should I handle this kind of behavior? I started ignoring big time but it always created so much stress on me and I know we have to be direct with passive aggressive ppl so can anyone help me here ... how should I do that ?
     
    Loading...

  2. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,207
    Likes Received:
    5,845
    Trophy Points:
    425
    Gender:
    Female
    Firstly congratulations for being blessed with baby gal.

    Is your DH supportive?
    Or will he support his moms actions even if it’s her fault?
    If he is good and understanding then you shouldn’t worry much instead focus on you and your new born.

    For your own sanity, have minimal interactions with her.
    I know saying is easy, but try to forget whatever she utters and whatever cheap things she does for you.
     
    Amica, MalStrom and GeetaKashyap like this.
  3. Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    73
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    DH is supportive, he do tell her to back off when she says hurtful things to me but at the same time he wants me to ignore her as much as possible and not take anything to heart.
    She never says mean things in front of D.H. but instead she goes to D.H. and says I M sorry I must have said something bad to hurt your wife because she is not talking to me( it is when I start ignoring her)
    I am so tired.
     
    MalStrom likes this.
  4. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    732
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Congrats on the baby.
    Its so unfortunate you have to deal with her drama when you should be enjoying your time with your baby and bonding with her. New mommies have so much to deal with as it is. Ignoring her is the best. When DH is supportive I really dont see the big problem. When you know her character and her attitude towards you expect that she is going to create drama and accept that and move on. If DH is supporting her and taunting you then you have a real problem.

    You eat, sleep, breastfeed as per your choice, she can keep muttering and blaming all she wants. Even if she complains your DH is going to ignore so its pretty much you are the Queen here. she is just so jealous of your power. by getting annoyed you are giving her power.

    be strong and keep the happiness in your hands and dont give it to her.
     
    Amica and MalStrom like this.
  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,683
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Book her return tickets ASAP. There is no reason why you should put up with such behavior during the most joyous time of your life. Her behavior might induce or aggravate any PPD.
    Congratulations! I hope you get to enjoy motherhood amidst all this stress.
     
    Amica, MalStrom and Sunshine04 like this.
  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,190
    Likes Received:
    7,007
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Congratulations!
    How old is your baby now? If you are able to leave the house with baby just go out and leave her at home. She's going to crib anyway so you might as well have some peaceful time. Otherwise just close the door when you need privacy and treat like her with the minimum politeness needed. Eat in your room if you have to, and communicate only through your DH when you have to. If she complains about you to a day just smile sweetly and play dumb. If she's looking to provoke you this will disappoint her.
    The idea to send her back early is also an excellent one.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,686
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes she Was supposed to come and help you but here she's giving you More Torture. Tell your husband either he controls her or she can go back to India
     
  8. Starkgirl

    Starkgirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    73
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you all for your response.
    Already spoke to D.H. to send her back but he think it will be too rude to tell her to go back ( and it is not rude if his mother to treat me like that) . I already gave him warning that she is testing my patience big time so not to complain tomorrow If I blow up one day.
    We are in India so I told him if she continue this behavior, I will pack my bags and will leave to my hometown to stay with my dad ( I will hire some help)
    I already has PPD I guess , my doctor asked me to wait till 6 weeks to see if my mood swings settle down if not she wants me to go for therapy.
    I am 7 weeks pp and my mood swings still bad , I am struggling with a newborn , grieving for my mom and top of that enduring my Mils torture
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,686
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    If you are in India then it's very easy. If she's starts the drama again just pack your bags and go to your dads house
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  10. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    499
    Likes Received:
    579
    Trophy Points:
    175
    Gender:
    Female
    Congratulations
    And no need to leave your home.
    And don’t bundle up things - new born to handle, your mother ‘s loss, your MIL behavior- that you have to deal with this all.
    Just concentrate on your baby and yourself. Use all your energy on this only.
    Don’t waste time on MIL. She is not going to change.
    So ignore her muttering.
    And enjoy your time with your baby.
     
    Amica likes this.

Share This Page