Resentments Towards Dh Because Of Mil

I think the problem is definition of basic duties . What he thinks basic duties is extravagance for you . Let us do this exercise your goal is to spend 24 hours without thinking about your MIL . Inform your DH that you don’t want him to talk about her to you . Do things which will make you happy . Just spend24 hours without thinking about her. Your life your wish . Do you work ? What is your goal for this year ? How old are your kids ? Don’t see life in one dimensional way . Your life is filled with so many beautiful things . You listened to your DH and changed yourself now you are expecting him to return the favor by asking him to change . But if you would have stood up for yourself you wouldn’t have changed like he asked you you won’t be living with resentment. Now if your DH listens wont he lead his life with resentment . We all are adults so give him space and stop trying to control the relationship between mil and DH . You will never win this battle . Anger will destroy everything you have in life .

 

There is a phase in Tamil....translates into 'thinking about ginger reminds of a monkey'. Meaning that, it is unpleasant.

Don't spoil your health and mental strength thinking about your MIL. Their life time will be another 10 years, may be?

Suppressed anger will only hurt your health. You have one life to live, and enjoy every moment of it.

The universe is big enough to accommodate all sorts of creatures and everyone has equal right to live their life. Think of 'those' (earthlings) as another poor 'thing' trying it's best to survive.

Often, it makes me smile when I imagine-- it's a big world and we all have enough room to roam around, just like dinosaurs once upon a time! Soon we all have leave to make room for others.

Tolerance is the key; Some wounds will never heal, learn to brush it off and move on...with your day today activities.

 

Why are you wasting your 10 years over someone you dont care about?
Do you see how you are letting her control you?

OP, this hate will eat you from inside, believe me, I have been there. Do yourself a huge favour - learn to overcome it.

All wounds heal, if you are willing to try hard enough

 

@sadwife what will happen if you inform her directly that whatever she is doing is affecting your peace of mind ?
Will it change the situation. Do you share your problems with your friends or family ? I think you need a outlet to get all the frustration out. Is it possible to let your DH know how much this affects you ? Anyway to reduce the frequency of her trips ? How is she with your kids ? Does she love them ?

 

@sadwife I think you need some real time friends with whom you can vent. I have some friends in my life. I will never introduce them to my family ever, but I vent about my family to them all the time. Actually one more suggestion I have is writing journal. Sometimes I might be really irritated with something and after I start penning down my thoughts, I would feel so much better. It can be online journal, where you can write or just in notebook which you can trash it. We all need to process our emotions. She has knowingly caused damaged to your thoughts and mental health. Don't you think you need to process those emotions and get it out of the system, so it doesn't affect your health. sadwife can become happywife . Positive is husband is supportive. Maybe you can tell him exactly how much it affects you, so he can understand it is normal banter between you and her. Other good things she is not close to your kids. I'm not sure what kind of misery she caused you but looks like more factors are in favor of you than against you. If she has so much power then maybe you are giving her the power by making your life revolve around her to the extend even her phone calls make you angry. Just stop giving your mind power to destroy you. You are conflicted between two personality . One ideal DIL who doesn't want to get any bad DIL tag in society other your individual self who is ready to revolt against her. You need to find a balance . First and foremost going forward if you don't like something she does, voice your opinion with respect. It is ok to be selfish and look out for your own happiness. Just make sure you don't cross the line . Second tell husband very clearly how much you are affected by this . Third and most important do something else which will make you happy . Even mindless watching of movies or anything. Just be happy. Your purpose of life in this earth is not to get angry against your MIL. You have been created for a purpose. Just think about that and work towards it.

I used to be like you at some point of time. But I have crossed that bridge now. I'm glad I got over it. It was not worth my time. Now I try to channelize my energy in a productive way. When i feel sick or low those thoughts come back and try to engulf me. But I try to keep myself sane. Believe if someone has wronged you , you are also at fault to some extent because it is you who gave them the power to do. Hope you kill this thoughts and become a happy person.