Can I Indulge In Some Self Pity?

ATI · Jan 28, 2019

So .... I am just venting!
My birthday is coming up in the middle of the week and due to work and school we can’t do much on that day. So we were going to celebrate this weekend. I asked for:

1) Friday night - I wanted to watch a movie with the family. At home. Kids agree on a movie, DH does not like it and refuses to watch and falls asleep. My daughter is pretty young and most movies are scary for her. So it’s hard to find something she can watch that adults will like. It was about being together and not the movie itself but apparently DH doesn’t get that and he said he doesn’t care about this sentimental stuff

2) a weekend where I didn’t have to do any work- DH decides to clean the garage. I begged him not to do it. He did it while I was out in the morning and now I can’t find anything in the garage and DH is mad that I am not thankful to him!!!! He has mixed up everything and probably thrown out a bunch of stuff I need . And then he made me sort through all the paint cans and varnish so he can trash what we don’t need !!!

3) nice dinner - we cooked at home since we are trying to save $ due to some recent unexpected expenses. The dinner part was good

4) evening where I don’t have to take care of putting kids to bed , cleaning the kitchen, shutting everything down etc - I gave the kids dinner and DH did the rest while I watched TV. I was feeling so happy . And then DH comes to my room, is upset that I want to be alone on my bday and starts yelling at the kids when they want to come sleep in our bed because it’s my bday. So basically ruined the evening. I pointed out to DH that I do all these things every night and he got mad. Can’t he give me one evening off? It’s a combination of he doesn’t want to do the work + he doesn’t understand why I want to be alone!!

For DH’s bday this year, I arranged for our friends to take our kids one day and did everything he wanted and pampered him. the next day we did a bunch of things as a family - things I organized based on DH’s likes / dislike and I took care of kids during these activities. And he can’t give me one evening off??

Anyway I am just feeling sorry for myself

Amulet · Jan 28, 2019

Never mind. As you get older, birthdays do not come as frequently.

anika987 · Jan 28, 2019

Your DH seems to be helpful..
problems above do not seem too major..
you do seem to do things as a family...he cleans the garage atleast wanted to be helpful..there are weekends and evenings where you don’t have to take careful of kids..You did watch tv,felt happy when dh did the rest...

Well..maybe today was a frustrating day?

Listen to some relaxing songs or nice movie,comfort food and sleep well..tomorrow will be a good start

shravs3 · Jan 28, 2019

ATI said: ↑

And he can’t give me one evening off??
Click to expand...

I think the best way to spend alone is going to a spa or get some facial , manicure pedicure etc. So you can have some me time and also get relaxed

GeetaKashyap · Jan 28, 2019

@ATI ,

It's okay to feel bad when our special day is ruined but indulge in self pity only for a very short time as it makes you feel worse. Your husband's act appears unintentional and thoughtless. If you hold on to this feeling of self pity, you will be the loser. Ignore, indulge yourself and get over it at the earliest.

Men do tend to forget their wives special days but never that of others! Perhaps a case of selective memory loss. Ignore and move on for your own good.

Sweety82 · Jan 28, 2019

Yes it may be frustrating for some people especially if they long for love from H. But if you self pity yourself it is the first step for destructing the self. There may be many a times situations pop up which will make you feel pity for yourself but please do not do that. Think that you are important for yourself and enjoy every moment u have in hand and that moment is all for you.

Rihana · Jan 28, 2019

ATI said: ↑

1) Friday night - I wanted to watch a movie with the family.
2) a weekend where I didn’t have to do any work-
3) nice dinner - we cooked at home since we are trying to save $ due to some recent unexpected expenses. The dinner part was good
4) evening where I don’t have to take care of putting kids to bed , cleaning the kitchen, shutting everything down etc -
Click to expand...

I don't know how to sugarcoat this, so will modify the font...... you are even more demanding than a young man's girl-friend.

The description brought back many similar memories. Happens... in almost every household..... Then, we grow older and wiser ....... As a general wisdom: me-time for mom at home is often not possible when all are home. That is why my idea of a vacation still remains just me at home on a long weekend. : )

Hope the venting helped. Have a great week.

Cheeniya · Jan 28, 2019

@GeetaKashyap

GeetaKashyap said: ↑

Men do tend to forget their wives special days but never that of others!
Click to expand...

Of the ten important things that distinguish a man from a woman, this tops the list. I forget the other nine!

virtualkv2020 · Jan 28, 2019

This is almost true in every household,you can’t expect ‘me time’ at home.It is better to move on for your own sanity.Next time plan things away from home such as a small vacation or you have a girls day out with friends.

ashneys · Jan 28, 2019

I get what you are talking about. Self pity is ok as long as you set a time limit to it. Then think of solutions.

Like..
Telling dh “exactly” what you want.
Now if it works - good - problem solved.

If it doesn’t - look for alternative solutions.
Example - do the arrangements yourself.
Like, I know of Moms who takes solo trip / gals trip during their birthdays. It’s a once in a year thing that they do for themselves, it can be from a day/night out to international trips depending on various things.
Or send the kids with dh somewhere on a day trip n have the house to yourself. Figure out multiple options that gets you what you want for your birthday.