How Can I - Please Help Me

@BeautifulSmile hire help and meal plan. What I have realized in my life it is not always possible to be patient. So I have found alternatives to treat myself when I get impatient. Some days I just order food outside If I know I had a long day. Sometimes I just take a short nap and allow my kids to watch TV. I have reduced my expectations from my kids and asked them to do the same. When my kids go to afterschool they finish all the HW there. Honestly I have never seen my kids doing home work at home. Can you ask afterschool teachers to make sure kids finish HW.

 

I have realized that I always appreciate my child more when I have a break from him and the stresses in my life. Why not plan a personal or couple vacation, while the kids stay with a friend (sleep over or something)? This is just to recharge you. As a long term fix, how often do you hug your children, or connect with them in a personal sense (not just asking about homework, school, activities, food)? Try spending 10 minutes or so daily, just being goofy with them - dance to some fun music together or play word game or something. Believe it or not, this can be done in the car while driving home from daycare/work. The point is to create opportunities for quality time. Stop trying to plan what you are going to do, at home - you can do that later.

I remember growing up and we would have family night Fridays. It was sometimes game night, which is perfect for your children at this age (even if they think they are too cool for it). If we do movie night (which is often), we end up bringing sleeping bags and bedsheets to the tv room and laying down watching the movie and then sleeping all together. This sounds so simple, but it was nice to have a change of place, than our normal beds.

 

Instant Pot and pre-cut vegetables is the answer!!

Put dal or something in delayed timer for it to be ready by the time you come home. Pre-cut vegetables, just steam them and then all you will have left to do is tadka. It is very convenient. I have 2!!

BTW, your schedule is impressive :-o And for you to find time and motivation amidst all this to go to the gym, I could learn a thing or 2 from you!!

 

This is very valuable message. I have been lately following this and this makes me feel better about myself. I used to be angry person because of my husband's unemployment which really took a toll on my health and mind. Slowly and steadily I reduced expectation from people around me. I conveyed the same to my family. This has helped me tremendously . At the end of the day will power/ patience everything is depleting resource. You have limited quantities every day. The trick to make sure you conserve the patience for the most demanding thing and let other things go. Before I use to stress out about my kids eating habits. I think for me I was leading my life with guilt that I was not a perfect mom like my own mom. My mom used to take care of me so much to the extent if I'm studying she would even bring a bowl of water so I can wash my hands after meals. Every evening when I came back from school she used to have some hot snacks and food ready on table. This was my life till I got married. So I carried this image on my head where I wanted to be perfect. Well my life is not same as hers. It took me sometime to get me out of this perfect mom mode and realize I can never be like my mom. Initially it was very difficult for my kids to see this from me. Now they know what they can expect from me. I can say I'm in better place now than I was a year back.

 

I think you are already doing a great job!!! At the same time, maybe just too much in a day... It’s not a matter of attitude adjustment but just process simplification and making it lean. Whatever is not really needed can go.

You mentioned weekend cooking took half a day.. what if u simplified it further.. If you prep everything day before, then bulk cooking session would take an hour if you get all burners going and an instapot.

Use the freezer, food processor, instapot, immersion blender - whatever tools make your life easier. You don’t have to cook different things everyday, if you eat eggs, boil and peel them on wknd - they stay for a week in the fridge. Get an evening routine of sorting school bags, next day clothes ready for all including yourself.. Some ppl plan all week day clothes during wknd. Dry snacks can be packed in 5 boxes during wknd - just add fruits to it previous night. If u do want to do weekday cooking, keep it simple. Use frozen veggies.. meal plan, have a lunch menu plan - repetition is ok. Make it easy on yourself.

Ask help and delegate. E.g: DH does dishes at home and he doesn’t have a problem with it and I don’t like to do it. So this works well. I don’t mind doing clothes and enjoy folding clothes. Older kid washes her clothes herself and packs her own lunch. Younger one gets ready for school in school clothes the previous night (getting her ready in the morning is a big deal)..

I found that we were running to too many places for get-togethers, birthdays during wknds and was stressing us so we reduced it drastically. You don’t have to do it as drastic as mine but maybe reduce it a bit.. I don’t invite people too many times, just only when we realistically can so we can enjoy their company.

And also plan some time for you - some me time and some separate quality family time where you are not doing any chores or have-to-do things. It’s not selfish, just self-care.

 

Hi BeautifulSmile

You have lot in your plate.... If we could group your tasks
1. House work/cooking
2. Kids work
3. Playing with kids
4. Gym
5. Office work
6. Friends time/parties
If I were you, I would outsource / get help for house work/ cooking or buy home cooked food.
Don’t overload weekend with house work and don’t skip friends time, you need winding down time too and that would give the energy to pull through the next week.

Note:
spending bit more to ease up everyday life and stress level is a need for working women not a luxury expense.