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Stepfather Experiences

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by GodMySavior, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. Gallant

    Gallant Silver IL'ite

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    My guess...you are correct...somehow he wants to have you...so he is doing all that...who knows...

    One thing you have to understand...he loves you...only your love for him makes him to love your child, atleast initially. When the child shows his love for him, he will eventually love your child. But it takes some time, a few years...

    Even if you marry him, you have to be extremely cautious and be patience not to spill words against him.

    It all depends on how well you behave with him to win his love and keep hold of him. Rather, if your temperamental nature is not calm, the whole thing will spoil.

    Assume a situation like this after you marry him...while your mischievous kid is playing with him, for some reasons, if he shouts/yells at your kid or raise hand, will you accept?, or will you react or respond? If you react, you will trigger the fight. So, it all depends on you only. The situation will be different if its his own child.

    He may think that he has done a favour to you by marrying you and becoming a father of your kid. You may think that, he was behind you and so you married him. These kind of conflicts will further worsen the situation.

    You want to marry him, want him to take care of you and your kid and you don't want to have kid(s) with him...how selfish are you...for most couples, 2nd or 3rd kid borns by 'accident' only. Its not that easy just to become a father of anyone's child...In the coming years, your focus will be totally on your kid only...right from kindergarten to college, you are going to involve him in each of your kid's growing stage...that means whatever your kid's stress will be transferred by you on him only. All for what?

    You can't predict a person's future behaviour. People change based on the situation. You have to be ready to accept whatever comes through. But you can control the situation. That depends on you.
    Even if you marry someone else, this is the case for you always!
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2019
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  2. GodMySavior

    GodMySavior Junior IL'ite

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    Thanks for your insight, i never thought my son would miss a sibling in his life, was only thinking if he would need a dad or i can compensate that need with my love.
    Why doesnt God give enough power to a woman so she can fulfill all the desires of her children without depending on a third person..so unjust of Him..
     
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  3. GodMySavior

    GodMySavior Junior IL'ite

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    You are right, marriage is too much of work, and I do not have energy and desire to involve myself with anybody emotionally, physically or mentally. But I feel sorry for my mom, her only desire in life now seems to see me married.
    But is it possible to love two men in same life?
     
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  4. VidhyaVi

    VidhyaVi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi...

    I didn't impky that your son might crave for a sibling. What I meant was that this idea of a kid growing with his sibling can be the start of a discussion with your colleague who expresses interest in marrying you.

    You can bring this topic up to have a measure of what he has to has in mind about being a step dad to your son and also the prospects of having another biological child with you as the mother.

    Women are by themselves powerful enough to conceive and bring up a child .. men have that disadvantage at this. They are necessary to conceive a child but child-bearing is an exclusive power for us.

    Vidhya
     
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  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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  6. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is one of those instances where i would say test before you buy. That is live together for atleast sometime and see the dynamic unfold between the three of you before you make a commitment. If thats not an option take a really long vacation together, thats all three of you.
     
  7. Gallant

    Gallant Silver IL'ite

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    Nakshatra...?
    You can never compensate the need of a dad with your love.
    God did not give enough power because there is no limit to the desires. His assessment is never unjust.
     
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  8. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    First speak to this guy clearly and to there parents also.ask ur parents to enquire about his family.discuss with him clearly

    He may b too good because he want to marry u ..he may want ur money,and if u have gc and that may b the reason.

    Think twice and take some dicission.

    If everything is good proceed ..he is a good person and child is young so u don’t want to tell him as his step dad.if he is understanding ur life will also b nice.instead of marrying a unknown person after few years this will b good...
     
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  9. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    You : will you treat my kid as your own.
    He : yes
    You : you will ignore my son if we have one more kid.
    He : no


    Thats what I think the outcome of your questions. The advantage to have such a conversation between you people is there you are making a verbal contract which will register in your minds and it will become a trust as well as responsibility for both.
    I dont think he is behind you for money, but I can feel a high magnitude affection to you and needs to measured and analysed with the after marriage situation.
    All the best.
     
  10. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    I lost my father when I was 2 yr old. Years after even now I wish I had my dad. My mom is the best mother anyone could have. But still I miss my father. If you can get a good father for your kid then that will be a gift.

    Then true, you need to make sure of his intentions. It is not for your money, GC, house or any other reason.

    I think as shreema said you 3 should go for a trip. May be a week vacation. Then you can see how he is reacting to your kid. If you can live together that will be the best.

    From your post seems like he is genuine as it is almost a long term relationship. But your concern is also valid.

    You must have the talk or discussion about second kid before the marriage. Then you both will have an idea how your future plans looks like.
     
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