How Should I Behave

SimplelLife · Dec 27, 2018

hello IL’s... hope you all are doing well.
I was a bit confused and concerned about a family gathering. Let me give you a brief history. I have a 2 year old daughter.. having extremely mean, manipulative, liar mil and mommas boy brother in law and and spineless husband who actually himself can not tolerate his family but always hides behind me and made me culprit. My sister-in-law’s of 3 years was so much in joyousy with me .. she used to complain about me to relatives and she always taunted me whenever we talked over phone.. when my daughter born, my in laws came and her and mils dianamics changes, she started supporting me during my postpartum period now she delivered a baby and me , my husband and daughter are visited her place for 2 weeks.as I said my mil is a mean lady .. in front of everyone she shows like she favors sil and actually she does certain things for her which she never does for me . But in reality she is doing the same thing as she does with me. Spoiling our relationship with her sons. sil is in very vulnerable situation.. no husband support.. bil is a perfect mommas boy, newborn up for whole night crying she carry her with a c section.. still mil complains about her to bil.. lots of drama... now my point is ... though sil was never good to me .. said endless things about me to people.. taunted me and my then 1 year daughter... she had to come for my delivery due to mil and she made me listen to her favor, very jolous and egotistic still I am feeling bad for her ... whatever she is going through is not good .. we were chatting when she told me these things and I said to her to ignore what mil said and did and focus on baby and told my experiences as well ... I know very well she is not trustworthy.. I used to tell her things what I wanted to pass to mil ... during my postpartum when I needed to have my husband around me they used to play cards.. as a lady she could have ask him to take care of me .. she didn’t .. she used to ask him to take her to movie ... what should I do now when I am going there... when she was new in the family she ganged up with mil and spread many things about me. When she could not get along with mil she tried to sided with me when I delivered my baby but I played safe then. Now again when she is getting same treatment from mil she is trying to open up with me and telling everything.. even 1 month back that same sil boosting something about her just to make me listen.. how should I behave... I am going there for 2 weeks ... none of them mil or sil did any good for my relationship.. mil spoiled with my husband and she tried to spoil my reputation in relatives. Please advise.

happydheivanai · Dec 27, 2018

B silent and take care your kid and u..instead of wasting ur time for them use it for your self..whatever u like...

i Faced same thing few years back at last they took all the help and thrown us out...helping this kind of person is totally waste and it will spoil the relationship more...they never try to make our relationship to make it better moveover they will use u and tell bad things about u...it make so much of stress....

In Tamil they will say nalathuku kalame illa.one thing I learned is if u are helping someone means we should think twice no matter its one brother or sister.

sabrinaT · Dec 28, 2018

If you are visiting them for only 2 weeks, count your blessings Focus on the positive things in your life .. on your kid, spend more time with kid during your stay. Try to plan outings like movies with everyone where no one can talk to each other or just go to temples. If you have Amazon prime binge watch serials you always wanted ... let time pass as much as possible.

aldwm · Dec 29, 2018

Good that its not months just 2 months. As other posters suggested. keep yourself busy with yourself or your daughter. no emotional talking or saying anything against anyone as you never know when your sil will turn again. just pass the time and come back. don't be emotional fool play smart.

Amica · Jan 4, 2019

Be yourself. Don't let other people's negativity change who you are or how you behave.

.

PrAtyAng · Jul 1, 2019

I am new to this forum and myself looking for help! But, this feeling is no less close to my feelings...we always try to be nice to people even when they do not treat us properly...sometimes it frustrates us...and, we really do not want to treat them so nicely...but, after few tries we give up (can't be sooooooo bad)...because we really can't treat them the way they treat us (badly)...the only reason I could see is our "Sanskar"...not sure how many could agree to me...but, I feel that's our strength...sometimes we get weak...that happens and that's where we need some push/ boost/ moral support to tell us that we are not wrong and there is nothing wrong in being good...rather that's our strength and do not give up on your strength...Just be yourself! just be who you are...the real you...do not let others change you...but, the question is can we really not let others interfere? At this moment, not sure if I could be the right person to guide you as I, myself is in need of some guidance! but, still few things I learned from my experiences and if that could help you...

- Be cool
- Do not gossip with your MIL about your SIL and vice versa
- Do not ignore any one of them - talk to them on general topics other than household things
- Do not spend alone time with any one of them - make sure that you are always with both of them
- If anything disturbing happens - Do not discuss anything with your husband unless he is supportive

Hope this help!

Desideer · Jul 20, 2019

Be yourself

coolgal123 · Jul 24, 2019

you know that your SIL is not your friend....she is using you for telling her sob stories about her MIL. you are not responsible for hearing her sob stories....with such kind of people who are not your wellwisher, you should just act formal, neither friendly nor non-friendly, maintain a certain distance always....