Hi all, Some might know me as a working mom of a 2.5 years old active toddler. I have a very demanding lab work and apart from it I am working really hard for some promotion interviews, higher studies coming up, exams etc. The issue is I am just unable to go to creche at my office premises to meet my angel ( around 1 km from where I sit). If I go I spend one hour there, baby cries badly when I am supposed to leave so I stay till she sleeps and 1 hour becomes 2!..Also my own laziness to walk or drive to and fro...The jest is nowadays, I just enquire on phone and pick her up in the evening. But all other moms go thrice a day..They sit there gossip with each other and at the same time look after their kids. They dictate the caretakers to provide extra care to their wards. I feel bad for my girl as she might be expecting me...on the other hand I am fiercely dedicated to the upcoming exams as this is the only way I can change the current location of my job as we stay v far from family. Its been more than 8 years since I completed my education and now to clear the competitive exams I need to revise all of the subjects I forgot long back and compete with todays generation who are much more smarter and faster than me....Feel like crying..When people of my age go to office relax, go for trips, party, enjoy life I am running like a maniac.. My kin says I need to try to manage both. I am at my wits end...After going home I cant even think of studying so spend my entire time with daughter...What would you guys do in my situation?
When my DD was very young and I decided to go back to work it was very tough. I had my friends around who were all SAHMs and taking care of young kids like my DD. They all had opinions on what happens to kids left in daycares with both parents being extremely busy. It made me very guilty but I did what I had to do. My DH travelled for weeks together and would be home only two weekends a month making my DD the first kid to be dropped off at day care and the last to be picked up. At the time it bothered me a lot. There were moms who took lunch breaks to take their kids out etc but I couldn't since I worked 40 miles away. End of the day, there has been no lasting damage. My teen is a well adjusted kid with regular teen quirks for the most part. I'm a SAHM now but I don't think me not being around her all the time when she was very little did anything to her. It did things to me emotionally but she is an independent mature kid. Do what you have to do for your situation. This exam is not going to take years. It's benefits will help your family. Go for it! Standing on the other side of that bridge, I can tell you it was worth it and didn’t impact the 2.5 yrs old much. If you can afford it, hire some help so it frees up your time. Make simple meals or find places to get home cooked meals from so you have all that time for her. She isn't going to remember you not being there in the daycare during the day.
if you baby cries when you leave the cresh it is better you do not go and make him upset. let the kid get better adjusted to the creche.dont feel bad it is ok. just make sure if the baby is taken good care. if any lady who visits your friend.ask her to check on your kid too
Hi Sweety2016, Please do not feel bad - because there is no need to!! You are doing baby a favor by not disrupting his/her day. By not going in the afternoon, you are letting baby adjust to surroundings. When you drop off there is separation anxiety. After that - most kids adjust with the environment and settle down to find fun things to do. When you pick him up in the evening, baby gets back to mommy zone. Set the pattern and don't disrupt it. Babies are versatile. 2.5 yrs is a great age for socializing. A child of that age naturally starts looking past mom, at others and other things for entertainment. If you go pick him up in the afternoon, you disrupt baby's day and cause another separation anxiety. Its important that when you are with baby that you spend quality time to create memories for yourself (it is too early for baby to remember ). In the evening, do not focus on cooking and cleaning etc...or do it after baby sleeps...don't worry, things will get easy pretty soon. I left mine at 20 months at day care for full day care and he grew up to be a perfectly loving, healthy affectionate boy. As long you have made sure the day care place is a caring and nurturing place with sizes small class sizes so the staff can provide care, do not worry. Hugs and best of luck in your exams and promotion prep work!!
Thank you so much ladies! I am pretty focused now and pray sincerely to god that this phase ends soon...
I will repeat what someone else told to me.. "Working ladies always have the guilt of not being able to spend time with their babies/ kids... Stay at home moms have the guilt of not utlilizing their education and knowledge and experience and not being able to contribute to household income by working.. You need to decide which guilt you want to deal with ..." Hope this consoles you... Also I wonder how some moms are able to go to the crèche three times a day and sit and gossip also for a while? Don't they have work to attend to ? Deadlines to follow? Dont their colleagues or team mates or bosses question their frequent absences during work hours?they are being unprofessional unless they are in a less demanding job with ,was work load.. During my work days few years ago I remember the bosses keeping track of access card swipes, and frequent and long abscences for lunch or tea breaks etc. on regular basis were surely frowned upon as the team work was affected..
Thank you needtobestrong!..Writing your username reminds me what I have to do right now NEED TO BE STRONG! Thanks to this positive reinforcement as well.. Well I work in a research organisation and its pretty cool here..We have long term projects with no certain deadlines. Its purely upto the individual whether he wants to work or not..Both the extremes are here, the ones who have received padma vibhushan for their excellent contributions and the ones who do nothing but a typical 9 to 5 job.
It depends on the crèche and the care takers. It is all OK to leave the kid at the crèche and let her stay there throughout the day. But it might bother the child when all the other mummies are around at certain time, and the other kids get to play/hang out with their mummies. She might feel neglected and lonely. Secondly, if you think the crèche care takers are dictated by the other mothers who constantly visit the crèche, chances are high that they could pay more attention to the kids - whose mothers are after them. This way, the less cared kid can be yours. And, more importantly there is this unwritten rule, where most crèche operators believe the mothers who take their time to visit the kids, advice on the care, and follow up with the care takers are the best mothers. Specially if the crèche is a local one. In this case, they might take your child for granted, thinking like "when the mummy doesn't care much, why we should pay so much attention" - Believe me, it happens. And, all the above are just hypothetic scenarios, and we never know the reality. I am just curious about the fact that your child cries daily at the crèche to leave you. Its' OK if she is unhappy on the first few weeks. But not all the time. Perhaps, she is lacking something there. Think about it. I know its hard to cover exams, competitions etc around the same time. But your child's growing time, and specially her mental health is utmost important. When many parents take their time to visit the kid, I would suggest you too, to do the same. Take 2 hrs at night or early in the morning, of course by compromising your sleep to compensate your lost time at noon for studies. Skip the TV time for now, so that you can catch up with courses Skip cooking at least a few times a week, so that you can study. You can get back all the above after your exams, but not your kid's childhood days and her mental health and emotions. You should study and progress in your career, but not at the cost of your kid's happiness. PS: Presently I stay far from family/kids for my career. But I made sure they are at the safe hands, and happy and miss me not.
