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Is Marriage A Set Back For The Career Of A Working Woman?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    one more thing women can do is to find and get into companies which has creche onsite.

    lot of women went for a second child one we had a creche onsite in my India office. that's really big help.
     
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    It depends, some women are very career conscious, they want to reach a senior position at a young age itself..they would surely consider marriage and motherhood as a setback to career..many are blessed with good family and domestic support and understanding manager an flexible work timings, so they are able to concentrate on career even after getting married and having a kid..
    Many do not have proper support, or don't have flexibility at work to manage family commitments..in such case they will feel that marriage is a setback..
    There are many who are not too much focused on career, they want to relax and spend time with family or they want to do freelancing work or want to do some low stress and light job to pass their time and have time to spend with kids..I have a few friends who stepped down happily from their well laying corporate jobs to be with their kids..
    Some women really enjoy being home maker, they feel happy managing home and kids and have no interest in corporate world..they would be very expert in managing household and cooking and would take active part in all ladies club events in the neighbourhood and society as they are able to invest time and energy in all these..and they find happiness in these...some have expertise in singing or classical dance or fine arts, and they would pursue these on a professional level or take classes..they really feel happy as they are able to pursue their interests and hobbies..
    One of my classmate was brilliant in studies, but after marriage she dint attend any placement..she opted to work as a pre-school teacher and happily taught and played with kids and was happy with her job..
    Really depends on the priority of the woman I feel..
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2018
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  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    So damn true. And not all family members or domestic helps are trustworthy !

    Yes as you mentioned it depends on a woman, and each stage we need to prioritise Wats right for us and priorities keep changing
     
  4. VidhyaVi

    VidhyaVi Bronze IL'ite

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    Balancing career and family is possible for women only if their husbands take equal share of the work at home.

    As many people pointed out, the whole equation changes when there are kids. They are an equal responsibility of both the father and the mother.

    In my case, I quit my job to take care of the kid, but now I can't go back to the same position I held before delivery because the labour laws in most Indian companies are not in favor of the woman.

    Vidhya
     
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  5. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I think it helps to have a network of working woman friends or senior woman colleagues who can give suggestions of how to make it work when you are in a bind.

    The drive has to be personal and seeing other working women helps.

    if you see many women making it work ,you will automatically try to look at options of how to make it work.

    if you have many in your life who are letting go of careers then you will not see much options...

    I encourage my younger cousins ,colleagues not to give up careers for marriage, kids ,everything is part of life ,we need to look at options available and choose wisely instead of letting go as a first option..
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you everyone for pitching in with your own wonderful experiences and advises.

    I am sorry for the delay in responding here.

    The most important thing should be the drive. If you really want to do something, you can do it. As they say, if there is a will, there is a way.

    Career, self identity, happiness, respect, marriage, kids, motherhood are all part of life. There is no rule that we should lose something to get something else. Just that we should manage all.

    There are so many working women, ranging from maids, janitors to top level CEOs, who are mothers too.
    Not everyone is blessed with a supporting family or reliable nanny.
    But they handle it in such a way, where the career and family life is balanced.

    And the kids of career women do good in their life too. There is nothing like the stay-at-home mother's parenting is great compared to the working mother.
    The best and the worst mothers are from both ends.

    The problem that women either do not plan their future, or they are not allowed to plan.

    In my office, there are many working women, they don't really have a passion to work or grow. They love to stay at home. They badly miss their homes, kids, and make both career and home a mess.
    They don't receive appreciation at both ends.

    Similarly, there are woman who have never aspired to become a home-maker. They have so much emotions attached to their work, yet they chose to stay at home (for whatever the reason).
    They regret the fact that they are at home, and do basically nothing impressive at the home front.
    They waste almost all their life by thinking their lost career and the life attached to it.

    There are woman, who make the right choice and find a way be it career or staying at home. And they are the successful ones, who are noticed by others and appreciated.

    Even staying at home is not easy. It is not about resting and relaxing. It is in other terms making the family member feel happy, peaceful and relaxed in your home. You need to work so hard inside your home to make it happen.
    If you rest and relax, your family can not enjoy the outcome they expect from a stay-at-home mother. Perhaps, that's where all these criticism comes.
    Because no one appreciates someone for resting and relaxing.
     
  7. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    I quit my job after having baby and i am a career oriented woman. The best decision i made for myself and my family. I just got lucky and was able to choose and have a supportive husband. My main reason...i wanted to be with my baby. i did not have any financial reasons to work. I worked hard for 10yrs before i became a mom and saved up a good amount and i am a US citizen (a few girls i know had to work because visa status changes and GC issues). I felt i was ready for the break. It just worked out for us and both my mil n mom were happy as well. My lil one will b 2 soon..and i will start working again when turns 3 or 4. No matter what your choice is..it just has to work outfor you and your family..mainly the little one.

    The reason my husband did not quit..he had 12 weeks paternity leave and he took all of it, he makes thrice as much as me and most importantly he doesn't produce milk
     
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  8. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    JaZmine83, not to argue wih you not
    Offend you in any way.

    Just putting a difference point for girls who read this thread later.

    I hear this a lot that hey my husband makes a lot so I am lucky but really for many working woman this is not the criteria . Many women will still choose to work even if their husband is super rich and can sustain the family .It all depends on one'a own interest in career and fulfillment they derive from career .

    Otherwise you would not see women like Nita Albany and shwetha bachchan who suddenly become active in their 40s , 50s to try and start their careers inspite of husbands being richest in country.

    The onus should be self , you are happy being a homemaker do it, you are happy to be working woman do it and find solutions to mitigate care and family circumstances .

    Just need to know that kids become top priority to woman whether working or not and theywill do best for them
     
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  9. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    I think u misread. I quit my job not because my husband is making a lot of money. I quit because i am confident i will be able to live well with my kid (financially speaking) without my husband or my dads support. Me working 10 yrs prior to having baby, saving up, wise investing has given me the confidence. I am in my marriage because i am happy not because of society or there is added security etc etc.

    I said my husband is supportive, he still cooks, cleans etc..so i am lucky..not because he makes a lot of money

    My H n i strongly believe we cannot outsource parenting..cannot pass the buck to inlaws..who are old n weak already. I did not want to put my baby at childcare at 4 months old and pump milk in office. Its a personal choice. If we were financially unstable i would work for sure. Now i have taken a break, spending lot of time with my lil one, taking classes, hitting the gym, preparing for certifications. Its not bad actually.

    There is also a myth progressive women have to work..baby in one arm laptop on the other. Mutitasking etc etc. I find that view to be quite regressive. As long as one is happy and ready to face the outcome of their choices..its all progressive
     
  10. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel that every woman is capable enough to achieve what they want even with lots of difficulties but the condition is she should be confident about her goals and should never feel low of herself.
    @SGBV your life is one of the best example to get inspired. And this spirit is present in each and every girl but not all come out and understand their strengths.
     
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