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What Would You Do?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    He knows how to express love; he used to do it.

    If he was going to change, he would have done so by now. Perhaps he didn't take her seriously in the past. If her resolve is stronger this time, she needs to convey that to him.

    BTW, @SGBV, I appreciate the way you respond to all posts in your threads. Whether you agree or not, you always weigh each person's words and make the time to type up a response. :thumbsup:
     
  2. Minie34

    Minie34 Bronze IL'ite

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    The husband appears immature by nature.

    If the wife wants to continue the marriage then she can try marriage counselling or if she thinks she has had it enough then go for divorce as probably the husband may not change as he's by nature like this.

    If I would be in the wife's place I would try counselling once before taking any major decision.
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you everyone... These days I am slightly busy with work, so kindly apologize me for not responding to you all individually.

    Here's the case as much as I know from her accounts....

    He was a great lover before, but when I questioned her whether she was sure... she struggles to answer.
    At that age, atmosphere, hormones and more importantly your blind love for the other person might fool you too. So, she is uncertain whether he really loved her back then or it was her illusion... don't know. But she says that she always felt that he loved her, and he made serious steps like fighting with his family, relatives to tie the knot with her. And he always had great plans for their happy future back then.

    The long gap during their initial marriage life, particularly, her decision- choosing to stay with her dying dad by leaving her new husband was the first issue.
    Then her pregnancy, and the long distance relationship during and after her delivery made a huge hap between them.
    In fact, something might have happened during then for him to detach completely from his loving wife.
    And he is happy this way completely.

    She says that he still loves her, and that's why he doesn't agree for separation how much ever she suggested that over the past 10 yrs.
    Every time, he takes efforts, but very artificially and only to convince her that everything is all-right - So that she won't proceed with separation plans.

    She has turned out to be not so good looking in this 10 yrs. It happens with many, but in her case, she hasn't tried to bring back her beauty or youthfulness in the past. I totally accept her agony as no woman would be able maintain her body while handling such a marriage.
    Secondly, she is depressed and became not so happy person anymore.
    These could be a huge disaster and turn off for any couple, if there were already tiffs.

    Now that she has given him an ultimatum to at least speak openly as to what went wrong, and how they could bring back their love.
    Lets see
     
  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Yeah. So much has happened. He is not the one she fell in love with. She is not the one he considered as his love of life. Both have changed. She should realize that. If there is no other major issue, I feel that they can rebuild their life. It needs lot of understanding and patience from both sides. Consider it as second marriage to the same person.
    I strongly believe counseling can help as a last resort. She should work on her to become a positive person again. Positivity attracts people. No one wants to be near a negative depressed person. Only they know the depth of the problem. Just focus on her and try to bring back the best in her. Whatever may be her decision, her new found confidence and self esteem will help her to move ahead with courage.

    I came across a video. Some points are valid I think.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2018

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