How To Be Positive

Amulet, between me and my husband, I am the one who prefers the most non-violent, least usage of force to make a child do a task. However, I think when a child is heading the wrong direction, force is required. Yes, I hate Indian movies. As a kid, I personally did not like watching any of them barring a few comedy movies. Only if that movie had a "comedy" tag attached to it, would I be okay with watching it. However, in those days, I had no choice. Watching a movie was a family program, one member cannot opt out ( especially if it's a nuclear family ). Unfortunately, my father is a big movie buff. His only source of entertainment are movies. Just that I hated the drama in most of the movies, not to mention I would sometimes extrapolate the movie to real life, like I was always afraid what would happen to my mother when we went to school and so on. I personally think it is incomplete information thrown at a developing mind. My husband is not a movie fan at all. He prefers watching movies selectively, based on their ratings etc. Of late, he has totally stopped watching them. So, of the few movies we watched, one was a regional remake of "Oh my God" movie, where the hero keeps hinting that "idol" worship is bad. My son picked up on it and later asked me why I was worshipping idols in the house. That is the kind of effect movies have on kids. I know how it affected me as a kid. That is the reason I wouldn't prefer him watching those movies - when his mind cannot understand the intent of the movie, the difference between reality and the movie, what is fiction, what is non-fiction, what is truth, what is just an idea in discussion. I would prefer him watching just cartoon movies. And he was like that too.

My son is bogged with a lot of classwork, not that others aren't in his class. I thought the reason he slowed down in class was that - too much work and less play, last year we moved to an independent house as well, so he had no interaction with other kids or any play. I honestly thought that was the reason (besides our fights). I tried hard not to bring any fights by not questioning my husband on anything or arguing back or trying to give back when he made personal attack on me. So the atmosphere calmed down in the house. I even told his teacher that the house movement might have caused his slowdown. As per her suggestions, my husband put him in a martial arts class and another sports class, so he sort of became better or so I thought. He was always interested in his iPad and my husband started restricting his iPad (randomly, whenever he would see him play) which was frustrating to the kid. I thought the reason he was watching it discretely was because of my husband restricting it and I did not take it seriously. I really could not do much about increasing his interaction with other kids. I told him to finish his classwork as much as he could in the class and not pile up so that he could get more playtime in the house. Not once did I think that he may be venturing into watching nude images of men and women on the net. I did ask him once or twice if he was watching anything objectionable and he responded in the negative. I am not the type who believes that caning and beating a child will bring the desired results, but yes, I do believe that when something is wrong, the child ought to know that. Slipping on homework is bad, but not unpardonable in my eyes. Watching bad things on the internet is definitely no-no for me, not because of what others will think, but because of the effect it has on the mind. If he watched it at 18, I wouldn't be worried that much, I would still advise to back off until he could handle the consequences if he were to start experimenting practically. He can do whatever he wants if he can manage by himself and knows how to handle it without getting overwhelmed. Until then, I would try to keep him from things which influence him the wrong way. However, I guess, I am just a human, how much ever perfect I try to be, I will slip up. I just hope he is able to assimilate the information in the right manner. And I am very sad for him that he is getting exposed to stuff that I think is robbing him of his childhood. That is what is bothering me.

 

We have joined him into the language class as well. The problem is that he feels all of them are classes, not free time. He is the most perceptive, most emotional, most observant guy in the house. Too bad he is taking all the pressure in the house. The younger one is fine too, just that he is a different personality - more outgoing. He is way too stubborn and a tough nut compared to the older one, understanding only what he wants to, just like his father. I don't know why it's the more compliant ones who suffer. One more lesson learnt, always monitor your kids' activities, especially when they slow down, do not make assumptions about the reasons. There could be more to it then meets the eye.

 

My husband is on a high, everything - health wise, professionally, social circle, everyone is in awe of him and he is on a high. I know he cares jack about others, it is all about himself. I cannot be like that even if I want to, because I am the weakest party personally, professionally. So I end up taking the brunt. Three years back I was a happy person, I might have not been super successful, but I was fit, may be not slim, but fit. Now I am a lot more wiser but still not content. It seems like I always have instant karma, one wrong utterance, wrong action somewhere seems to have so much bad effect, while he seems to be going away scot-free with his daily actions however unkind they are. No, I don't want anything bad happening to him now, because I know, of all the people who will get affected most, if anything bad happens to him, it will be me and the kids. I just wish he stops thinking of himself as the only entity and treats all of us as human beings too.