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An Alternative View - Open Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nandita24, Oct 23, 2018.

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  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I agree @SinghManisha.
    What’s the use of marriage then? Better not to marry so need not feel guilty.
    Kids will be the most suffered in such marriages
     
  2. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I know one person who does it for taxes. Jointly they pay way less. I am talking 50% less. It makes a big difference for money.
     
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  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    This is only in countries where married couples are allowed to file tax returns together, and calculate their joint tax liability together. The advantage of this kind of "income averaging" is beneficial only if one of the two make far less money than the other. If both partners in a marriage happen to make gobs of money, then being legally unmarried would help in such countries.

    There is absolutely no additional financial advantage to being legally unmarried to more than one person. OR.... is there ?:smirkcat:
     
  4. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    [QUOTE="SinghManisha, post: 4102246, member: 479617"]Open marriage ?? Why marry at all ? Let us all be like wild animals in the jungle. Find the next person that gives us that tingling feeling and go all out . When one is bored there are plenty of other animals out there. Maybe on the way we might have some cubs and pups. We might also end up being pioneers in acquiring, spreading existing or novel STD’s .[/QUOTE]

    I think the traditional marriage is there for all practical purposes for a good family life. Except that so much fuss is not made about sexual relations. It is just that what is not available between the spouses is made good elsewhere.

    This is mainly to overcome the guilt of cheating your partner. Instead by being honest you remain "faithful" to your spouse. There are no secrets between them. This itself is a strong foundation for a good marriage according to those who have no objection to open marriage.

    Basically open marriage seeks to remedy the many practical deficiencies of good relations that would otherwise tend to sour leading to graver situations, even as the fundamental character of marriage is presumed to remain intact. So is my understanding.
     
  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    The very wealthy as well as the very poor go on with their lives with a lower level of issues with the idea "what-would-people-say". It is those in the economic middle that have this difficulty: the need to maintain a view of their family life as one that is proper and perfect. For this economic class, the "open" in the open-marriage is the critical problem.

    If a tree falls, and there is nobody to listen to the sound of it falling, did it really fall? --- is the middle-class' question on open marriage.

    Imagine a girl, properly married to a reasonable match, gets pregnant soon after the event, has a baby boy (joy joy joy all around)...enjoys/endures the marriage for another few years, and has another baby (girl...this time)... and goes on with her upper middle class stay at home mother's life, managing the children, in-laws as they visit and stay for lengthy stints, etc.. etc... And suddenly one day discovers (from his mobile phone...) evidence that he could be having an affair. Initial conniption is expressed on some internet forum, to her own parents, etc.. and eventually she is reconciled to live with the cheater, because he "provides" (the financial resources for her middle class life), and does not really mind that she'd put out no more. Life is manage'able, so long as his affairs are not all that well known to those people who classify under that critical "what-would-people-say" group.

    Generations of married women have managed their lives well enough with "he's a good father, and a generous provider" specimens who had not been all that "faithful". They had lived in open marriages, which were held "private" and secret. And how were they able to do that ? I think the secret lies in the notion that it is perfectly OK to let someone else have a significant interest in a bad investment, so long as your own benefits from it are unaffected. That is, the legitimately married wife gets to have most of the money that comes from the existence of her marriage to the "low life", and the interloper gets, (if anything) only a minority interest.

    Only when the affair is public knowledge, and those people who'd say things, say things, life becomes a misery for one and all. Open marriages ought to be closed, private, and secret affairs.... with lots of guilts, and brain wrenching mental miseries:smirkcat:; all good things ought to come at a good price.

    For the middle classes to have an open marriage, there are a couple of ways, one much easier than the other.
    • Make gobs of money, and move up in the economic class, and achieve open marriage, because nobody would care about your private shenanigans, because you'd be giving them rides in your yachts, and parties with unmentionables.
    • Or lose your shirt and become dirt poor; once again, nobody would care what you do with your privates, because they'd be attending parties with those who are wealthy, and taking rides on their boats, and enjoying the unmentionables.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2018
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  6. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    The rich don't bother and the poor don't care!.
    The middle class picks up the burden and despair.

    In today's world we increasingly need to take responsibility for our own happiness. And the middle class had better understand this for their own good. Frankly, no one cares a damn about anyone. Everyone has his or her own problems to be bothered about. And most are in the same or similar boat. It's an illusion "what will people say." How does it really matter what people say.

     
  7. beinghonest

    beinghonest Senior IL'ite

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    Open marriage (relationship) is better than cheating but not easy to maintain long term as emotions can interfere with different relationships making it complicated.
     
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  8. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    It then becomes polyamorous!
    Open marriage can anyday be an improvement on marriage.
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    What's the need to marry when one can enjoy with many partners, if they want to, by staying single. If one is not ready to be sincere and committed to a relationship, why should they marry.
     
  10. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    consider the scenario, where one of the partner is not able to find another person to elope and other partner is able to. now what you will do. fight with your spouse. or ask your spouse to find a person for you.

    why so much mess. instead seperate and find a commited partner.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
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