In-laws Visit - A Disaster

Your 10-day plan is fine but there is no need to deprive yourself. Get some good takeout/delivery organized, tell your husband to manage your in-laws completely and carry on with your activities. The idea is to protect yourself, not punish yourself.
If this goes poorly then take yourself off somewhere else.

 

EVERYTHING is good.
you should eat normally
let them cook their food or ur husband takes care of it

 

@aamrapali,

I was smiling and appreciating every word you have written here. I can understand your justified frustration too. Many of us have been there and done that.

You have grown as a person; congrats and keep the momentum on. If they are stuck up and unwilling to appreciate, it is their problem. Your husband has taken your contribution into account and you don't need any further certification or acknowledgement from the in-laws anymore.

Continue your positive growth but learn to hold back when needed; this is wisdom and it comes from years of efforts. (I am still doddering here!) As others have suggested, don't deprive yourself anything that is rightfully yours. Reduce your interactions and limit your effort to minimum required. When they miss what they took for granted, they will also introspect. Give them plenty of free-time to introspect.

 

Amrapali Ji, please hear me out here with an open mind. I promise my intention is not to undermine your disappointment and hurt but to give you a different perspective.
The decision to go out of your way to be a exceptionally good host was all yours. The decision and choice to not appreciate your efforts is all theirs.
You wanted to please them , mark your territory and also show them how well you are doing as a couple in your own home. Nothing wrong with that . This was your own passive aggressive way of getting back at them. You might not realize it but their disapproval of you caused you to work harder to please then. In that sense your perspectives have not changed.
The biggest down side of putting in all that effort is that it lead to a lot of disappointment for you because they have not acknowledged any of it. This whole excercise has been detrimental to you. Not to them.
Why don’t you lead your life the way you normally do with no expectations of praise or approval ? Your home should be beautiful, sacred and precious to you irrespective of whether the plumber or your friends / in laws appreciate it.
Do not live to please anyone. It’s liberating to lead a life like that.
If I were you I would go on with life as usual. Cook what I want, eat two meals a day at home, stay put in my own resort like home. That for me would signify reiterating myself, my position in the house, in their sons life. Not getting affected by anything and still going on with your head held high. You can still continue being a good host by doing the bare minimum . If it affects you that much ask DH to make sure they are comfortable. After all this your inlaws might still not appreciate you but it will not matter to you anyways.
I apologize if any of this comes across as harsh . .

 

Hi Aamrapali,

I can feel your pain. You tackled the situation head on, went in with a good attitude, did all you could think of and then some more but the result fell short of your expectations. That can be painful. What I have learnt in such situation when I put in the effort but didnt get the result is to ask myself what did I learn from this incident? What is the lesson in all this that the Universe is trying to make me realise? I think about it, to try to understand and get the lesson and close the matter.
Resist the temptation to berate yourself and tell yourself you were a fool etc etc. You did the right things. Sometimes when I am dealing with people who I know have a fixed opinions and will not see the reality I tell myself I am doing all this (whatever is my duty, what all I am expected to do etc,) for myself, for my peace of mind, to know that no matter the situation I at least did the right thing and discharged my duty correctly and that helps me somewhat deal with my hurt feelings. When your PILs return, dont punish yourself but do minimum. Do only what you want to do or can easily do, not what you are expected to do. Remove 'expectations' from this equation totally. Your expectations of them, and also your anticipation of what their expectations of you could possibly be. One lesson in all this for you may be that though you crave it, actually you dont really need their approval, you are way past that stage and already happily living your life with their son your hubby who supports you

 

OP,

You cannot fix the broken glass. The elders are showing their uneasiness in your territory,
the way they knew by ignoring you as if you don't exists in their son's world.

Play your silent card, and stay home to do the satyagraha.

Make sure that your DH stays home to take of care of his parents during those 10 days.
Be the 1st one to eat the ordered take out food, and use the disposable paper cups,
plates, forks/spoons.

 

You have been spoiled all along by people praising for your hosting skills . Your in-laws very well know that you are doing this to get praise from them and guess what they wanted to offend you and refused to do anything . Maybe if you lead your life normally by doing minimum you won’t need to go to retreat . It is all in you how you handle things . Moderation is the key . Why do you want to get bad name by refusing to feed elders . They are your guest . Do it unconditionally without any expectation. It will lift the weight from your shoulder. I don’t understand your approach . We all get rubbed in wrong way in hosting some people doesn’t mean we all run to retreat . You need to calm down and take a step back and change your approach to this hosting culture you have developed all along .

 

Poor things. Likely they never had that kind of service in their life before. When such a lot of good stuff is foisted on anyone, they'd indeed feel suspicious, and watch their backs.

No wonder they declined all optional tours when their son was not there to lend them emotional support.

 

You went to extremes, I guess for your own satisfaction than Thiers. It looks like you went ahead full steam with your ideas of hosting than take into consideration Thier likes and dislikes.

Any younger couple may have appreciated it.

For older people a new dish every day may not be good idea ...they may craving a simple dosa idli or Thier regional equivalent.



If indeed they liked your hosting and enjoyed all the effort you took , even if they don't express , be sure it would have made an impact and it will definitely bring a change in Thier attitude.

Now once they come back don't go to other extreme , do your hosting but less perfectly, make Thier last few days comfortable and send them off .it will bring more satisfaction to you than doing nothing and acting totally aloof.