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Second Marriage Based On Lies / Fraud - Life Is In Super Mess

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mohini16, Oct 19, 2018.

  1. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    @mangaii ,
    My parents suggested 2 muhurats and he mentioned he doesn’t want to wait for 8-10 months and we agreed , our bad luck .

    Yes I was looking for companionship all these years and yes I came from Canada to India , there was condition , even though I’m married to him but I will be going to Canada / USA to expand my IT firm which I registered 4 years ago so I will not be in India full time , may be in canada’s Winter ... and he did agree to this condition too.
    Basically he agreed to everything to get married to me.
    He even said before marriage he doesn’t want anything from me , he wants to get married only , sponsorship he denied that time.
    Now whenever I asked for gold jewellery he said my mom / sis saying what did she give us ? He said his cousin sister did love marriage and she gave 7 lakhs cash and bedroom furniture etc etc
    I asked you didn’t tell me all this before marriage else I would have said no

    This guy is two faced , now he is not following / denying whatever promises he made before marriage ...
    I am ready to stay single for rest of life but I do not want to continue this marriage which is nothing but just continuous lying .
    He is still lying no changes in him .

    I asked 10 Times isn’t pregnancy/baby is your responsibility too ? You didn’t even give me single penny for medical checkups ...
    He said sure I’m sending today / tomorrow for sure.
    Then he is calling my mom from 2 weeks that he is coming here and will support pregnancy.
    He called yesterday and gave me flight number that he is flying to meet me and when I called airline , they said no such passenger borded flight.

    His lying doesn’t seem to stop .
    I’m ready to die alone but I will not go back to this pathological liar / narcissist
     
  2. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    @mohini16 -
    I am glad to be of help any time of the day . Ask away any questions about pregnancy and delivery.
    Doula - you can get one . They are basically there for you emotionally and physically throughout the pregnancy , delivery and a couple weeks after birth. They are like a mother - educating and guiding you . You can also have them present during delivery to hold your hand and provide support.However , they don't come cheap. I remember knowing someone who had hired one for $800.
    If you can find an Ob/gyn practice with mid-wives , nothing better than that.I personally find mid-wives more approachable than doctors .

    There is no point in justifying why you don't want to be with this guy anymore . You know what is best for you in your heart . Follow your instincts , never ignore them. And don't worry about future either - whether you will be alone for the rest of your life etc. You never know what might happen.Life is uncertain.

    Don't lie about your marital status in papers . You will just be complicating life. Simply file for divorce in Canada . Make sure that he gets notice to appear in court in Canada .Since he cannot come to Canada , you will be awarded divorce ex parte. I don't think a man who doesn't make it to his marriage on time or to see his pregnant wife will travel all the way to Canada to contest the divorce.Also I recommend doing this before the baby arrives .

    Life will be good again. Don't lose heart . Enjoy this time , get a dr's appointment , listen to your baby's heartbeat. This time is too precious.Again, always here if you have any questions.
     
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  3. troubledmom

    troubledmom Gold IL'ite

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    Hello mohini,

    Others have given good suggestions I just want to add two points.
    1. You have a lot on your plate. I know you are worried and the instinct is to see the entire picture and try to solve all the problems but it is not necessary. Have the faith that it will all work out and take it few steps at a time. When we get overwhelmed is when we tart entertaining wild possibilities like why to even say I was married etc etc but don’t worry all that now. When that problem arises take care of it then. You need to rest so do this.
    2. The big mystery about why he married you The lying etc... could it be he thinks you are very wealthy? you mentioned you own an it firm and post divorce he wants to get alimony or his share of your property? Remember a Canadian divorce means you will still be tied to him through your child for next18 years with custody and alimony issues so maybe for your own sake try to start documenting these instances of his lying, unreliability etc etc. I don’t know exactly how you will do that but start writing things down, keeping records of payments etc so you can show clearly that he has effectively abandoned you and the child
     
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  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    I read about the whole story and kept thinking about it whole night. I can not simple believe such people exisit in real life out side filmy world.
    When I was reading, I thought what would if it were me. I would have immediately thought of running back to US, as I lived here for decade, I feel its like running away from problems or showing face to people or coming back to safety net.
    But giving some thoughts...
    Come to practicality...
    I know goverment in Canada might help you, Child will get Canadian passport all that... but you are making your life complicated by coming back in pregnant situation. I know you are getting wordly support for kind people on forum and you might get real support once you come back, but its all in air for now.
    Complications - you are pregnant and coming back to lonely life. You may get roommates to share room, might be supportive too with cooking cleaning, you will get medical care but you know pregnancy can get complicated too, you will worry about expenses and jobs too, and then you know snow/bad weather is just around the corner...I know there are single women who give birth to their kids all alone, take them home alone.. but if you have family why to fall into that.
    They may not have option. Many of them have their one or 2 relatives who baby sits once or couple hours and those girls work 12-14 hrs in M Donalds etc to raise their kids.
    Why do not handle things one by one?
    First you are almost half way so stay in India with family around for delivery. Meanwhile, you can file for divorce or atleast you have proof your H is not supporting. All that will help with divorce or getting child maintenance from him.
    Then once back to normal health, go back to Canada, settle there and arrange for kid to come here. Bring parents for some time till you settle.
    I do not understand, are you planning to fight the battle alone just for canadian papers or cards? Remember you have canadian passport or permanent ( If I get it right) but you still do not have roots in canada. You do not have place or roof or people to take care of you when you land back. It is in India.
    I know you went through really bad situ and that takes your trust from india or people. People cheated you here but people who care for you the maximum are also in India.

    One more thing, once you deliver, thats not done. New journey starts there and women goes through many things. So its important to have loved ones near by. No matter how rock strong you are, kids makes us weak.
     
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  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Mohiniji, You have lots of good feedback from everyone. If I were you I would head to canada ASAP. If the baby is born in India and your husband suddenly decides to be interested in the child’s life you are stuck here. There has to be a motive for him to marry you , he can use the child to get what he wants. So it’s in your best interests to get out of the country now.
    Good luck with the pregnancy.
     
  6. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    I asked this guy to return my gold ring / chain etc whatever we gave in Wedding to him and he is asking me to return Mangalsutra . I said pay for pregnancy and I will return ... he hung up
    Next day he calls and said he wants to continue this marriage drama again .
    My head hurts every time this guy calls and behaves as nothing happened ... no lying / fraud / no promises broken .
    He only calling me and my mom saying yes I will do my responsibility but it’s been 2 months
    He didn’t come to see me ... nor sent single rupee.
    He claimed to my mom he bought penthouse now .. I confirmed with agent and he said this guy disappeared from 2 months and not even picking his calls to buy penthouse .

    I met lawyer and he said I would have to file FIR for fraud and then we can do maintenance case if he isn’t supporting pregnancy / wife
    But should I get involved in all this mess now ?
    I will be returning to Canada ASAP ...
    Do you guys think I should get Involved in legal fight now ? Or return to Canada and then file for divorce ( mutual or contested) after 1 year ? Will I get anything from this fraud person who is still keep lying ...

    Till then I would focus on pregnancy ..
     
  7. Blush

    Blush Senior IL'ite

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    Hugs to you dear.. No advice as i myself is going through a divorce now.. and I am also pregnant. Really feeling confused
     
  8. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    @mohini16 -
    as far as I understand Indian family law, fraud like in your case is not a case for divorce unless there is a long period of desertion ( 2 years I think, although not sure).
    Since your husband has not deserted you and neither has it been very long since your marriage, you can't file for divorce in India as of now . That's why , your lawyer is suggesting to file for fraud in order to create a record with the court that your H is neglecting his duties. This will come useful when you will file for divorce whenever you do.And also this way , you might end up getting some money from him.
    Irreconcilable differences is again not a ground for divorce in India , so again you can't file under that.
    I would say that consult a lawyer with expertise both in family and international law. Clearly tell them that you don't wish to stay in India , so should you go ahead and involve yourself in a legal case in India or not ?
    If you move to Canada and file there ,I don't see why will you be liable to pay him any alimony ( as someone suggested above ). You would be getting a divorce ex parte ( that means the other party or their legal counsel don't show up in court despite of being notified ). In such cases , child custody also rests with the person who files for the divorce and custody since the other person didn't even turn up in court. Even if he did manage to turn up , child custody won't go to him automatically.

    I would advise getting a sound legal advise before you take any step legally either in India or Canada. Try contacting a lawyer in Canda too right now if you happen to have contact of one there.Perhaps filing an FIR for negligence of marital duties now might be a proof acceptable in both courts later.

    Tie all your loose ends first ( legal ) and then make a move .
     
  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    @mohini16 dont worry about the labor pains and all right now. You will get there whether you worry about it or not. There are a lot of options (epidural etc).
    Like @Deborah mentioned, you may want to meet a lawyer who is an expert in International law and move here.
    You are a Canadian Citizen. India doesnt give dual citizenship, so technically, Canada is home right now. Come home. lawyers will take care of stuff there. I havent seen you respond about the accommodation. I guess you are still thinking about it. Please consider selling property there and buying it here to help you with the immediate setup. Good luck....as promised, I will help.
     
  10. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All , as I decided I will be going to Canada for delivery
    Meanwhile my parents and relatives are asking me to compromise with this guy ...they all are saying don’t think about his bunglow and jewellery lies now ... and stay with him for delivery or even if you goto Canada don’t go for divorce and keep him in life for society sake.
    Basically I should forget how he tricked me in marriage by forging house papers and fake jewelry . I should also keep my eyes closed for his mom and sister extravagant expenses and I should go back deliver child and bear my and child ‘s expenses and keep him for husband’s name to show society .
    My family ‘s point is no guy has this much patience like him , as I cursed him and his family multiple times even using bad words
    I slapped him once tight and he could have slapped me back but he left room ... so my parents point is he doesn’t answer back .. tolerate my temper (like I’m pycho who shouts and fights for no reason ) so life can be adjusted with him .
    This guy has no shame in playing with my life by lying ... he will get married again second time (he already has his profile created in matrimony ) but I can’t get married 3rd time.
    Ladies , I need your advice ... do you guys think I should give this marriage a chance which was built on lies and fraud considering this is my 2nd marriage .
    He might have thought same thing before forging documents and lying that she would have to adjust as she can’t break her 2nd marriage
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2018

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