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Second Marriage Based On Lies / Fraud - Life Is In Super Mess

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mohini16, Oct 19, 2018.

  1. Anbhu

    Anbhu Silver IL'ite

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    I have a different take here. You are a Canadian Citizen already and even if you deliver in Indian your baby will get Citizenship. In India stay with your parents, stop expecting anything from that guy, just pretend he does not exist, have a safe delivery in India. When the baby is 6 months leave the baby with parents return back and look for a job. Once you get a job you can get your baby and mom. Don't see any advantage you coming now living alone while you are pregnant and looking for a job at this stage. You have worked for many years, you should be having good savings to manage until delivery and after. If your parents can afford your delivery expenses nothing wrong to take from them.

    I guess you have already away from Canada good no of months. Once return you will have to wait 3 months before you can use your OHIP card. (Am I wrong??). At this time of pregnancy, you may have to pay for the doctor's visits and tests.

    BTW he is a fraud from day one of marriage but why weren't you careful with family planning?

    Your post is all about him lying about shady flat, 10 Lakh jewelry, 2C bungalow. Maybe he is poor cannot afford you all those. But do you see any hope in living with him, do u see any love/caring if you keep financial part aside? Any chance of him just be a normal person who loves his kid, work a small job earn but contribute to household chores treats you good even if cannot earn in lakhs/crores and provide you a mansion. In that case, as you are capable take the lead financially and keep the family intact.
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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  3. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for taking your precious time out to read and replying to my troublesome situation !

    Here I’m making some points clear :
    1) I asked this guy before marriage twice come to Canada and take 6 months to explore business options , I can sponsor you and I can afford to make him sit at home for couple of months. He denied saying he will give me good life in India .
    2) After marriage when this mess happened my mom and I both asked him to goto Canada with me and I will take care of both of us , he denied again.
    3) he made permanent tattoo of my name on his hand that will come off by operation only now if he wants to remove it, that gave me strong reason to believe guy really likes me.

    I am still not clear about his intentions behind lying / making forge bunglow papers , he said he just wanted to get married to me. I don’t believe it, there has to be some strong motive , either he was spying on money /citizenship in future or he just wanted to show off to world he got best match of NRI citizen though he is middle class guy. god only knows.
    Lying/forging document/manipulating me to live in joint family by creating non livable condition when we were living separate ...all this is not justified. I will not support him / spend my life with liar and his cheap mom/sister in 2 bedroom apartment when I have bright career in front of me.
    Yes this is my 2nd marriage and I might be alone for rest of my life now. This was the reason my mother/family insisted to keep baby and not go for abortion.
    I might never be mother again I’m 34 now , will be 35 by the time I deliver baby. I will have nothing just 2 divorce tags in life so I’m going to be single mom and will do everything whatever it takes to give my baby best life.

    @Anbhu
    My mom saying exactly same thing , deliver in India then go with baby when his/her passport comes . But paper work might take 6-8 months . And I want to join work after 3-4 months of delivery if I could get baby sitter in Canada. I’m enquiring all support programs , if nothing works then my mom will bring baby to India after 4 months or I have to pay from my pocket for personal nanny, I could afford to pay once I have job again.
    I really don’t feel like staying in India in all this negativity for 6 more months .
    I am out of Canada from last 4 months so I believe OHIP should be good , but since you pointed it out I will call OHIP and will make sure it is good before I leave for Canada.

    @Amulet ,
    Very good point about husband’s permission to take baby in Canada , I have heard about US that one parent can not take baby without other parent’s consent. If it is same in Canada then I really don’t want to bother about staying here and deal with this guy who is not even taking responsibility of baby.
    I would deliver on road in Canada but don’t want to see this guy’s face on earth again to take permission for my baby.

    Thanks all other ladies ,
    I don’t know where life is heading now , I regret being fool everyday , but this guy ** very good Liar / manipulator... liked by everyone... my family / relatives asked to compromise but I will not , I didn’t give up my self respect when first divorce happened , I will not compromise my life with lies/fraud.

    I feel scared thinking about future , no indian woman gets married 3rd time , I don’t know if I will die alone or what , but have to face whatever happens with time now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2018
  4. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    @Deborah ,

    Deborah, very important information, thanks a ton for this
    I didn’t know nurse would assist me in middle of night , I know which hospital I’m going for delivery, I still have to take OBGYN appointment but will do it as soon as I’m landing.
    Regarding labour bag , I would ask you and @Rakhii may be after couple of months what do I need to put in bag and how do I prepare for delivery , though I’m thinking of hiring Doula ( not sure of cost yet ) but I heard it’s helpful.

    I’m just panicking coz it’s my first and will be alone , I have less pain tolerance and all this stress I’m going through ,
    I need to take care of myself physically/emotionally/ financially.

    I just hope these 6-8 months pass with peace and no more drama in life .

    Cheers
     
  5. Itsmylife143

    Itsmylife143 Platinum IL'ite

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    @mohini16 You are brave enough to handle all the upcoming hurdles hope everything will be pass on. You got your answers from @Rakhii she likes to help you & @Deborah. I wish you a speedy recovery from all these things happening in your life and have a bright future. All the best.
     
    SinghManisha and mohini16 like this.
  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    This has to do with The Hague Convention of 1980 related to child abductions by one parent. Not USA-specific.
    You will be safe to travel to India with your baby again, once your divorce and the sole custody of baby is finalized. It is best to get divorced in Canada, so that documentation is good, and precise. And you will be able to use that documentation of divorce and sole custody of the child to travel back to India, should you so desire.
     
  7. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    Can I not say I’m single Mom and didn’t get married in India , got pregnant with boyfriend and he doesn’t have to do anything with it , why do I even need to mention his name in Canada ?
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh... dear ! Of course, you cannot say that.

    You said you cannot really tell why your husband took such troubles to dupe you into a marriage, and pregnancy. There is bound to be documents, as well as witnesses for the marriage.

    It is a positive thing that he is eager to remarry, and therefore would need a divorce in order to do that. He may like the faster divorce possibility in Canada. In India it will be years before you can get a divorce with sole custody.

    Your comment about fibbing your way to create a Birth Cert for the child without a father's name would surely encourage IL forum members to move all further comments to the Relationship hijack and banter thread.
    :wave::wave: Hasta luego!!
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2018
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    If it is proved in court that you purposefully lied regarding paternity that might work against your custody . You cannot just dissapear . Irrespective of your differences your husband has equal rights on the baby like you . In hindsight you also want to follow the path which your husband did to get married to you - lying due to desperation. Take a deep breath. Get out of the existing living condition . Find a rental place without in laws and parents intervention talk to him and see what he is ready to do to fix this marriage . remember the reason why you left Canada . Now going back with baby is going to make the situation worst . All along you looked for companion .See if you can see what made you like him . Forget the past . Since you can make money see if he is willing to do something from his side to make this marriage work . If nothing else please get a divorce . He is not a sperm donor he legally married you . Honestly it is your parents who pushed for this2 months to get married not him. What if he really likes you but just want to present this false life to impress you now he doesn’t know how to get out of the mess . Think and decide wisely
     
  10. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    @mohini16 - I read through your posts and all the suggestions given by IL members. It's sad that you had to go through this. Not sure why do people need to lie to get married. I am 32 years old living in US, have never been married and hardly have any idea on how to deal with pregnancy, so wouldn't be able to help you much with that. I know you have a lot to handle before you start working again, but would like to suggest that when you get to that point you have an option of moving to west of Canada where winters are not that harsh. My friend lives in Vancouver and he mentioned that he is able to manage with his basic income. Immigration scenarios are very bad in US now and I know most of the Indian population on H1B is working on getting their Canadian PR and migrating to Canada so they can live their life freely.

    I too just recently came across an exactly similar guy and similar family here in US and things ended before deciding final marriage dates. With this experience and looking at your and other posts on IL, I am now afraid of getting married ever in life.

    Anyways hope everything gets sorted out for you soon and wish you best of everything in life. Am sure your kid will bring you the happiness, unconditional love and will be your strength too. :)

    Good luck dear!
     

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