Money And Gifts

star90new · Oct 9, 2018

Dear ladies

I recently had a big fight with my husband.
I dont know how to classify my husband. My mother in law told me after marriage that my husband spends a lot. So after marriage I saw my husband in that eyes. I noticed that he used branded perfumes and shoes . I am coming from a upper middle class family. So I assumed that yes he spends a lot. Later on as months passed , as I couldn’t manage home and office. I requested him to hire a maid . For this my husband had many excuses and at the end I had to resign because of stress.

In the later months I noticed that he was behind bargains always. I started feeling that he doesnt spend like my MIL said and that he is careful. And whenever we got some gifts he used to save it up for later.
As years passed , I have noticed that he is actually spending a lot on costly decor items, cheap clothes, branded shoes and watches. He also spends a lottttt on phone covers, toy (cars), gifts for me(branded bags, perfume).

He spends on things he like and gets me expensive gifts. If I request for anything useful like a dishwasher he brings up many excuses and delays it. I cant understand him. He has no money for a live in maid but has money in updating and buying things unnecessarly.(we do have a cleaner and cook who comes at times) I dont want expensive bags , I prefer a dishwasher instead.

Same case with compliments or gifts. Recently we got a huge set of branded pots and pans and some paintings. We dont have enough storage space , I told him its better to sell it Or gift it to someone maybe his parents.

Instead he threw away my old set (5months old) and has started using new.
When we updated furniture this year, we got an extra bookshelf(we had to buy additional as part of a voucher). We dont have space for it. I asked him if he could gift it to his friend who has just shifted. He doesnt want to do that. He doesnt realise this is also money. We are a single income family right now. We dont have kids yet and we are not rich . I dont know why he cant let go of complimentary gifts. These are not personal gifts but given by shops.

I give watever I get as complimentary to his or my family . I have also put some in the charity bin. Is it wrong to expect the same from him. I feel sad seeing all these things lieing uselessly.we dont get a lot of things. I am talking of the few . Since my apartment is small , it gets congested.

star90new · Oct 10, 2018

Hello ladies
You have all helped and guided me in several times. I think i need some advice in this matter. I am forced to work from home and I dont meet many people. Fall into this feeling low phase trap everynow and then. What do I do?

sonal1611 · Oct 10, 2018

If possible join some yoga / Go for walk.. So that U can meet few ppl ..as U r staying at hoe.

if U have frnds near by,.. Go for outing .. once in a while..

I remember ur other post about some cheating in course ... Hope that sorted out..

Dont think too much negative.. Do meditation..

Life comes with Full circle..

And I dont understand Why u r forced to do WFH?? Who forced u ???

sreemanavaneeth · Oct 10, 2018

Hi,

First relieve yourself from all this tantrums. Go for a calm walk in the morning and evening listen the slogams.
Your mind will be calm. keep the extra things as a gifted item whichever you feel and make use of the situation to inform your betterhalf to whom you want to give. Try this you will succeed

Rakhii · Oct 12, 2018

I think it will help if you set long-term goals. When I was single, I was exactly like your husband. I used to spend a LOT on cloth’s, shoes, décor, you name it. After getti8ng married also, I used to do the same. It took me 2 years to realise that once we have a plan in place, the useless spending comes down a lot.

Our game plan was to buy a cottage (which we did); so with the house mortgage, cottage mortgage, investments etc the free money is not there anymore. Its not pay check to paycheck but its not free throw money any more.

Sit together and discuss what your long-term financial goals are. That will help a lot. And remember, you cant win all the time. Here and there, you need to cut him some slack; just have a long term plan, meet a financial analyst and take it from there. Without this, saying “don’t spend money” will not work on him (or you). @star90new

star90new · Oct 14, 2018

Rakhii said: ↑

I think it will help if you set long-term goals. When I was single, I was exactly like your husband. I used to spend a LOT on cloth’s, shoes, décor, you name it. After getti8ng married also, I used to do the same. It took me 2 years to realise that once we have a plan in place, the useless spending comes down a lot.

Our game plan was to buy a cottage (which we did); so with the house mortgage, cottage mortgage, investments etc the free money is not there anymore. Its not pay check to paycheck but its not free throw money any more.

Sit together and discuss what your long-term financial goals are. That will help a lot. And remember, you cant win all the time. Here and there, you need to cut him some slack; just have a long term plan, meet a financial analyst and take it from there. Without this, saying “don’t spend money” will not work on him (or you). @star90new
Click to expand...

Thank you.. will try this Rakhi..
Hopefully it will work.

Rakhii · Oct 15, 2018

star90new said: ↑

Thank you.. will try this Rakhi..
Hopefully it will work.
Click to expand...

trust me, it will. when we have excess sitting in the bank account, we do have the urge to spend. But when its not fully there, you have a lot less to throw away, so you dont.

nakshatra1 · Oct 17, 2018

What I understood your husband likes to splurge on things he can show off but not on things of need , there he likes to be miserly as maid /dishwasher u can't show off to the world . Maybe the issues are deeper and he won't change just because u ask him to . You have to understand his mentality why he feels the need to show off but not living quality life .It's so sad u had to quit job because he did not allow to hire maid . You have to understand his perspective and then make him realise what's important in life and that's very difficult because he is the one earning so he will not care much . Maybe he is mixing with the friends who like to show off and can afford it , and your husband trying to keep up with them always .he needs to mature and realise what's important in life and to realise value of money and not waste .it is good you are giving money to charity than waste on useless luxuries . I wish your husband develops same attitude like u .