Help For A Troubled Married Life. For A Man Who Loves His Family In Toto.

Something tells me, even if you put your mom in a separate home, your DW will pick up a different fight and drama.

Underneath issue is bigger than that. Definitely, she is very unhappy? She is one of a kind.....personality. Very immature, inhuman, lazy, insecure, unhappy and possibly depressed, don't even know herself 'what she is looking for'. My guess, her mom is well aware of her (mental) problems before the marriage and her mom will not admit it!

Some are born depressed and sad due to their low self esteem, laziness, insecure feeling since from their childhood, in order to defend themselves finger point someone else, if it is not your mother, it will be your kid, next? The more you pamper, she is going to be worse. She doesn't act as an educated, mature woman for her age. I can bet on, she will compete with your kid, next.

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Unfortunately this was 99% true in my case

Mother used to poke spouse in a way that many MIL's do, wife didn't tolerate it and took action, mother said "if she is so fragile as not to tolerate what MIL's in our society do, then she will always create problem on something or other"

I got greatly offended by what my mother said and thought she was being typical MIL

Later on after moving on, and after mother having no presence, even then spouse tries to create issues, either I don't love her, or I didn't stand up when in a joint setting, or I am favoring child (then 1 year old) over her (!)

When I stood up and made it clear I don't want any of such BS, it became a case of "i am depressed and you are insensitive for not overlooking my bad behavior", of course amply fuelled by her family.....

 

Oops my mistake! Sincerely sorry ... Read in a hurry again

 

From your side, you have done it, because you can, and you needed that. It is a hormone (natural) thing, that God/Vedas recommends you do.

From your wife's side: A man with a job, and a company benefit of a 3BHK-2B flat, sister already married, would be good catch for the bride's side.

Most matches happen this way, even though you had listed a lot of reasons.

There is also an interesting thread on this forum about the meaning of marriage. As you have some time to read (venus/mars book?!) check out this thread [ I just came across this, not read the entire thread... ]: What is the real meaning of marriage?

 

I HV not told
Let us debate the following, since you told that.

1) Why in the first place I have married my wife and she married me?
Sine you had mentioned you are okay with doing household chores, if she earns . I stated why you do household chores to help your dw and mom y wait to help till she earns(she earns you HV said).i didn't quote you married her for money n vice versa.
Reg ad I just told to get motivated to do household chores by that nescafe ad. Also I hate one more ad where husband wake her wife in night n confirm Kal oats banadoge na the ad means he is so excited waiting g to HV oats from night n waiting for morning. In this ad it portrays women has to do breakfast. This ad could have been in other way when she prepares oats he could appreciated her or he himself could HV prepared oats before she wake up. I know Ads movies are not real. The ad or movie director though he portrays a character to b extremely good the director himself may not be that good or when he portrays bad character it also doesn't mean that he is that bad.to get attention of public all these ads.
In my house my husband does household chores drying cloths in terrace bring back n folding them cutting veg n prepares upma dosa rest if all household chores I m doing. Nothing wrong if men work some men feel they should not enter kitchen becoz they feel they HV to do lifelong n these ladies will dump all work on him.
I just told to give your helping hand in household chores they too will feel happy, buy mop till you hire maid there won't be any fight argument for water dripping g from mop.

 

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Just felt like sharing here

*"Our Journey Together is so Short"* ✨✨

A beautiful message for all of us....Take a minute to read on

A young lady sat in a bus. At the next stop a loud and grumpy old lady came and sat by her. She squeezed into the seat and bumped her with her numerous bags.

The person sitting on the other side of the young lady got upset, asked her why she did not speak up and say something.

The young lady responded with a smile:

"It is not necessary to be rude or argue over something so insignificant, the journey together is so short. I get off at the next stop."

This response deserves to be written in golden letters:

*"It is not necessary to argue over something so insignificant, our journey together is so short"*

If each one of us realized that our time here is so short; that to darken it with quarrels, futile arguments, not forgiving others, discontentment and a fault finding attitude would be a waste of time and energy.

Did someone break your heart? *Be calm, the journey is so short.*

Did someone betray, bully, cheat or humiliate you? *Be calm, forgive, the journey is so short.*

Whatever troubles anyone brings us, let us remember that *our journey together is so short.*

No one knows the duration of this journey. No one knows when their stop will come. *Our journey together is so short.*

Let us cherish friends and family. Let us be respectful, kind and forgiving to each other. Let us be filled with gratitude and gladness.

After all, *Our Journey Together is so Short!*

 

Quote:If each one of us realized that our time here is so short; that to darken it with quarrels, futile arguments, not forgiving others, discontentment and a fault finding attitude would be a waste of time and energy.:Unquote
Golden words, no doubt. Over the years, to be honest, i have been following this attitude to the maxim,um. However situations arise where the other party just does not reciprocate or at least acknowledge the goodwill from our side.
Still, for our own peace of mind, it would do good to follow to the extent possible.

 

Often all the burden falls on the sensible person who tries to resolve things by bending backwards , others just sit back and relax .

Don't over pamper wife or mother .. Be stern and set boundaries to both of them, the more you bend the more they will make you demands .

Working outside home is not a joke and then to expect the same person to come and share the load of housework when there are two people who could do that work at home is wrong .

If the are bent upon fighting they will continue to fight.

Divide the work and leave it at that and don't get over involved in fights , is your mom interested in sat sang or any social activity ... Get her involved in that and let her to go out of the home for some time .

Your wife too, if she interested in studying towards education or job , let her know that her time is premium to spend in petty quarrels , ask her utilize it for better purpose i she serious about education or job .