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Relationship Hijack And Banter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2018.

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Sep 23, 2018 #171

ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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Amulet said: ↑

Touché. Ideal Fairy Tale is a good way to put it.

We are planning to be absent in-laws, visiting only on skype, and rarely in person, and never as house-guests. The plan is now at the stage that is best described by the (Telugu) proverb: "aalu ledu cholu ledu koduku peru somalingam." Roughly translates to "no wife, no pregnancy, son's name 'somalingam'". In English, i.e., counting chickens before they are hatched, is not so colorful.
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What does that mean? Hubby too would not see his parents in-person, except rare and he won't ever stay with them even if visit. Is that the plan mentioned above?

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

#171
Sep 23, 2018 #172

nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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nakshatra1, Sep 23, 2018

nakshatra1, Sep 23, 2018

#172
Sep 23, 2018 #173

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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ragnarok said: ↑

What does that mean? Hubby too would not see his parents in-person, except rare and he won't ever stay with them even if visit. Is that the plan mentioned above?
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Dash-of-Amul was talking about being "rarely visiting always hotel staying" in-laws to the next gen which looks like has been let loose.

Amulet said: ↑

No you cannot guess that. I speculate, and respond whether what some OP describes could be this or that.
However, we have one of each. Launched into the world already. Often think that we had failed to provide them a sufficiently broken home to make them a grand success.... but they are just fine.
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what is ragnarok? I first thought it was raag-na-rok "do not stop my raag" but given your abhorrence for posting that cannot be.

Rihana, Sep 23, 2018

Rihana, Sep 23, 2018

#173

shravs3 likes this.
Sep 23, 2018 #174

ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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Rih overlooked my signature

BTW - Rih check out 'Marvel Studios' and watch it in Imax sound
Ragnarok (2013) - IMDb

Last edited: Sep 23, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

#174

Rihana likes this.
Sep 23, 2018 #175

ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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A Dummies' Guide to Ragnarok Online Mobile: Beginners' Walkthrough - GamerBraves

A Dummies’ Guide to Ragnarok Online Mobile: Beginners’ Walkthrough

Last edited: Sep 23, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

#175
Sep 23, 2018 #176

ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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Rihana said: ↑

Dash-of-Amul was talking about being "rarely visiting always hotel staying" in-laws to the next gen which looks like has been let loose.
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Ah ok, thanks for clarifying what amul-let meant now.

Not a bad strategy (atleast sometimes, may not be a plan for all times - talking abt myself here, not abt others), to ward off against using grandparents (when we become) as free-unpaid-nannies as many parents' (at present/past) were put to serve. Making note of the dash of amul strategy in my little green book.

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 23, 2018

#176
Sep 23, 2018 #177

SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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Thank you sir for replying. You handled everything very well. I must also commend your wife for not expecting you to break your ties with your mother.
Parents however imperfect are our parents after all. We have to work around their imperfections but cannot give them up. Having faith in your spouse is also important.
The silver lining is that these experiences will make you wonderful in laws. Your DIL will be lucky !

Viswamitra said: ↑

@SinghManisha,

1) Acceptance of the person as part of the family
2) Communication filled with love
3) Effort to build relationship

These factors made the difference between my mother and wife and my understanding of who is doing everything possible to make all three of our lives better instead of focusing on self.

My mother loved me dearly minus my wife and my wife loved my family as well as she loved me. My wife understood the love my mother and I have for each other and she realized that breaking that would create a big conflict in our relationship. My parents in law reinforced that thought strongly in her mind as well. At the same time, I gave her the confidence that I would stand up for her and her parents.

I have created the conflict list between them and put my best possible effort to resolve whatever is resolvable and left the rest to the feet of the Lord. Wherever, my mother erred, I gave her examples of our conversation when she complained about my paternal grandmother lovingly. Whenever, my wife erred (this was occasional), I told her lovingly and privately as well. I have discussed some of the conflicts at length with my mother and when the questions go to territories where she knew she erred, she used to remain silent. I had explained to her about the need for me to treat both parents (my wife's and mine) respectfully and equally as advised by my father. My wife was the only child for my in-laws and her suffering affected them more than their own sufferings. My wife and I constantly talk about the lessons we learned in life and how to handle situation when my son gets married.

But there was one subject on which my mother broke my heart into pieces which I am unable to discuss with anyone. That created a situation for me to choose between my mother and my son (toddler at that time). It is unfortunate, I am unable to explain it properly in the public domain.

Viswa
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SinghManisha, Sep 23, 2018

SinghManisha, Sep 23, 2018

#177
Sep 24, 2018 #178

Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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Rihana said: ↑

Dash-of-Amul was talking about .....
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I thought the newbie was "one of mine" messing with me here. Sent weird email .

Amulet, Sep 24, 2018

Amulet, Sep 24, 2018

#178

yellowmango likes this.
Sep 24, 2018 #179

ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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Amulet said: ↑

I thought the newbie was "one of mine" messing with me here. Sent weird email .
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Yet again a mystery post, what do you mean?

ragnarok, Sep 24, 2018

ragnarok, Sep 24, 2018

#179
Sep 24, 2018 #180

nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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Topaz49 said: ↑

One knows their mother since birth; It is only fair that both MIL and DIL make genuine efforts to get to know each other. Not get offended quickly by MIL, at times mothers do say things that one may not want to hear.
When you start loving the new family as your own, over time you can develop close relation with your MIL also. Every mother wants to see their children happy, that includes mother of boys.
Everything has to do with how one approaches the situation. You can make mountain out of a mound, then it will become a mountain that you can't cross.
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DIL should.not be so spoilt to expect MIL to pamper her like mother . MIL should not be so unrealistic as to criticise/micromanage/try to change DIL and expect her not to be offended like daughter . MIL should not claim to be like mother and become patronising and try to wipe off DILs identity and choices . Just like DIL shouldn't take MIL for granted - she should have compassion for MILs age and not expect her MIL to take care of her kids . Better to realise and respect the boundaries in relationship and then only relationship can improve and become genuine and loving . In initial stages both sides should maintain their boundaries, be respectful and keep no unfair expectations ; that will lead to best relationship in long run .

Last edited: Sep 24, 2018

nakshatra1, Sep 24, 2018

nakshatra1, Sep 24, 2018

#180

sindmani, shravs3, yellowmango and 1 other person like this.

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