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Help For A Troubled Married Life. For A Man Who Loves His Family In Toto.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by KrishnaSri, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. Imani

    Imani New IL'ite

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    I wish you the best!! I give you a lot of credit just reading about it is confusing for me to understand why the family members are acting the way they are and you are having to live it. I liked most of post 96 and hope some of her ideas can help you.
     
  2. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmmmm A great change in @KrishnaSri perspectives.. Due to Men from Mars.... tablet?

    All the best.. happy married life..
     
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  3. KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

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    I have just read some sample of the book. Would like to read the complete book. I will definitely implement if that helps.

    I got a lot of feasible solutions to work on in this thread in such a short time.

    In fact I posted this on quora too, but there is no good solution and response.

    The self less views, suggestions of senior members and constructive criticism made this a lively thread and reference for my family life.

    I will update about the changes in this thread.

    Thank you for all your kind support.

    Once everything is fine, I will contribute to the forum in better ways.

    Thank you.
     
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  4. VidyaSuresh

    VidyaSuresh Silver IL'ite

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    1. to avoid this fight till u hire maid, buy an automatic mop where one need not squeeze it, u can check for same in amazon or flipkart.

    when you hire maid, ask any one to give instruction to maid to do this work first, next work second, later on let your mom and dw not fight that maid has to follow my instructions only. decide who needs to instruct your maid, later on maid should not run away.
    If you make you mom to stay away from you, is this going to solve ur mom and DW fight permanently. this should have been done in the initial months of your marriage but you would have thought things may move smooth in future but didnt happen even after 3 years of marriage. You want your mom to be alone in old age just becoz their fights are never ending. again in future if they continue to stay together again same fight will continue. For eg. in ur company when you are given assignment to do project, and in your team there is no mutual understanding in your teammates and often quarrel though work is alloted to them , will you sack any one of them, you cannot, you have to find solution to stop the fight. Similar way ur mom complaints about your dw and your dw complaints about your mom and this happens in most houses, you cannot send one person away from your life, you need to be more strong to stop their fight and bring proper understanding among them.

    tell your inlaws not to give wrong guidance to their daughter.

    as you had said work is allocated to both but still there is some arguments, advice both your dw and mom to stop complaining about one another and you need peace at home or you are going to move to other city for job leaving them.

    let one person take care of cooking one week (mon to sat) and another person next week so that both get chance to cook as per their liking.
     
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  5. VidyaSuresh

    VidyaSuresh Silver IL'ite

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    you have mentioned you are okay with doing household chores, if she earns - that means only if your wife earns then only you will do household chores, why shouldn't you do it now, there are many working women who does household chores and go to job and come back home in evening and do household chores, when women does 90% of household chores, men does only 10% in some houses not even that in some houses. becoz men feels that my dw is housewife let her do, i m working. Please come out of such thought if you have. dont wait to do household chores till she starts earning. why shouldnt so start doing sweep, mop wats wrong in that, help in cutting vegetables, help in taking care of your daughther feeding dinner to her as you may will not be able to feed lunch as your are at work. help in cleaning house on weekends.

    why men always think that only women are meant to do household chores. get motivated from the ad. Nescafe Sunrise where husband prepares coffee for wife (surya prepares for jyo). give your helping hand for household cores for your dw and mom.

    sorry if i have sounded harsh in some suggestion, I just gave my opinion.
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true !

    Well said :clap2:
     
  7. KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

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    Madam, for the sake of discussion Let us debate the following, since you told that.

    1) Why in the first place I have married my wife and she married me?

    • I am clear I have not married my wife to treat her as a house maid. I would have not married my wife only for house activities, if this turns out like this, I would have habituated my self to all my activities and might have lived in peace. And alas, my wife side people also have not asked me whether I know or do household activities before marriage. I really don't know what happens, it these were asked in the early stages in middle class arranged marriage system.
    • I have not married her for want of purest love(feel). I am getting enough from my mother, niece, sister etc. I have limited number of best friends too, to share my happiness and difficulties.
    • I have not married her for money/dowry. She has not married me for my money.
    • Neither of us married for gratification,which is very cheap and not worth the trouble we are now facing.
    In some of the men dominated forums etc, men claim, "I am not my wife's ATM card ".This is also wrong.

    As per my understanding, we all marry for an all in one companion with some selfish motives.

    When situation is bad, we ask for role reversals.

    All have to contribute to the progress of home.

    As for the advertisements, I will cover in my next post.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
  8. KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

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    Advertisements are made to capture or attention and selling product. Pure sales, brand building and nothing else.

    They want to portray a break from norm or regularly accepted practice so that it is etched into the memory.

    Lot of gender bias, especially targeted on men is being shown.

    Let me cite some of these.

    1) Indeed shows a women executive getting ready to job while her husband packs lunch for both of them. (I have never seen Deepika padukone, our true icon of feminism, in home doing some thing in any ad. always someone prepared something for her a cake or birthday wishes, disgusting to the core. Is this real.)

    2) We don't know about real life Surya and jyothika, neither of them may make a coffee.

    3) My favorite ad which is more atrocious towards men is BharatMatrimoney ad. Every ad shows search for a bride groom, only not for the bridal search. And they end it with "there are lakhs of profiles in queue for you. You can choose any one among them" Try doing this in reverse,this back fires.

    4) Also Naga chaitanya and Samantha testing dry chillies and rice in big Bazar ad is also not practical.

    Citing these was done for fun. (Frustration on ads gone through roof.)

    So we can't take ads or movies for real life, all they want is sales and branding.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
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  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sorry I was typing a response and suddenly saw that u have edited out the part where u said that u have not married for pure love , because for pure love u have your mother , sister and niece. Thankfully , I think u realised somewhere it was wrong to say so , so u have deleted it.if your realisation was there then I'm happy and have nothing to say .
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2018
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  10. KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

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    But the sentence is still there @nakshatra1
     

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