Help For A Troubled Married Life. For A Man Who Loves His Family In Toto.

@KrishnaSri a long time ago I dated a man (lets call him abcd). You remind me of him. I wonder if its you. Really.

Basically this abcd always was "my mom this, my mom that" in almost every sentence. He wouldnt even go for a movie with me without her tagging along with us. They would make plans (in front of me) for which movie "we" should go first. These were the red flags I caught. Your wife didnt/couldnt.

You are teaming up with your mom. Your wife is not your priority. You are not seeing it. In your mind your mom and your wife have equal priority. But you are not realising it...you are leaving your wife behind.

You see someone hitting your child needlessly and you kept quite? grow a pair. While I support your wife, she should not be hitting a child.

 

For the long haul and mental peace, follow through your plan. As many noted, your wife in not a maid; but, your mother is not a maid either. Your mother took all the pain to raise you and your sister. You are all what she has, do not abandon her. You visit her as often as you can. I hope your ILs won't interfere anymore. You have to tell your wife, now that your mother is not living with you, she should ensure her family stops interfering, I mean she should stop tattletale. My niece married my husband's brothers son. I called her aside and told her to respect the family that she is coming into and never to talk about them to her family (also my family). When you bad mouth your ILs, you are bad mouthing your own family.

 

Something tells me, even if you put your mom in a separate home, your DW will pick up a different fight and drama.

Underneath issue is bigger than that. Definitely, she is very unhappy? She is one of a kind.....personality. Very immature, inhuman, lazy, insecure, unhappy and possibly depressed, don't even know herself 'what she is looking for'. My guess, her mom is well aware of her (mental) problems before the marriage and her mom will not admit it!

Some are born depressed and sad due to their low self esteem, laziness, insecure feeling since from their childhood, in order to defend themselves finger point someone else, if it is not your mother, it will be your kid, next? The more you pamper, she is going to be worse. She doesn't act as an educated, mature woman for her age. I can bet on, she will compete with your kid, next.

Personally after reading your later posts, I am changing my mind. Sorry, you have a 'sour grape' to deal with in life.

 

If you could, try to communicate through someone who is mature enough to explain to her about marriage and life, in general.

My aunt helped me a lot to understand about marriage life when I was in that transitioning phase.

Unless she wants to change by herself, it will be a very tough life ahead of you.

 

@KrishnaSri all that writing with typos paid off, you have atleast one person now that thinks your wife is lazy and possibly has mental issues. This might seem like a validation of your opinions . The problem is you have to spend the rest of your life with this supposedly “lazy” “mental “ person . Living with this mindset will be a pretty torturous journey ahead. Start life separately with a clean non judgemental state of mind. I cannot guarantee 100% that will work but it will definitely make things easier.

( If my MIL tried to mould me to be a good cook as soon as I was married and called up my mother to complain I would dislike her for most of her life. I would refuse to cook and be labeled as lazy and maybe mental). Your wife’s subsequent reactions and outbursts stem from there. Just saying)

 

Beating the child should not be allowed.
Far too many parents take out their frustrations on poor children.

Is this a regular behavior or one off case?