Need Guidance To Secure Myself

If he has already apologized then let it go this time. Give him one more chance and see if he improves, else leave him. Physical or verbal abuse should never be tolerated.

 

From your posts I can tell, you are still in trauma and have fear of future uncertainty. Better you discuss this with supportive elders in your family and seek their guidance. Keep them in loop of what’s happening in your life for your own safety. But under any situation, don’t tolerate violence.

 

dhivyacc this is my one last try.. whole thread you talk about him not doing this that, and also there is a confusion in your mind as to what you want. the moment clarity comes to you regarding how to maintain your home, parenting and future, i guess your married life could work with a little counselling..

no i no where say that abuse in any form is right.

but from where i see, if the husband is giving you a olive branch, you latch on to it..not have a tug of war.
he got you a saree and left it on the table, it is his step towards breaking ice, and you could have just asked him straight who is it for, instead you take it and leave it in his shelf and text him...
there is a right and wrong in the approaches.. sometimes if you want the relationship to work, you appear to give in, yet keep your self respect, your dignity and your future secure.

why is that people who hold such good positions at office, manage a team, do not apply these techniques and strategy in marriage and family and expect miracles to happen..

you take the saree, wear it and show the white flag and ask him for a heart to heart discussion..
somewhere your actions, have hurt him too, as his actions have hurt you. men do not speak about it to others so easily as women. chalk it up to their male ego probably.. the most he has done is called and talked to your parents.

so the best you can do from here..communication without harsh words, anger...(it is easy to fall into the emotional doldrums of i earn just like him, and the likes...marriage is beyond money and others influences)

be clear on ...
that you won't accept physical abuse
you want any issues to dealt between the husband and wife and not bring anybody into the picture.. it is your marriage and you want to deal with issues as a team. and that your parents are old and they need peace.
you want to be on the same page regarding parenting.
you do not want the kids to be effected by the tension that goes on at home
we tackle issues head on, instead of allowing it to fester into the mood, the environment at home.

you share what you would like him to do for you, while you have to be equally receptive to what he expects from you. then you both come to a equation that you can try for a month or so..

and @dhivyacc somethings have to be worked with patience, give some and take some, and understanding.
the job stress is real, the finances stress is real, men talk a lot about finances, future security and it stresses the one who is not in par if they are on the same age, same designation.. the society conditioning is that they feel they are the breadwinners, though they don't mind the wife working and want it to..

relax, regroup, revisit issues..sometimes if you stop reading others experiences and honestly sit and analyse your situation and your actions and your reactions, you may even feel i could have done it differently..

you are stressing about managing home and a lot..don't overthink where solutions are very simple..people manage a lot, with proper planning and single handedly. so it is all about priorities, at that point. believe me your kids will observe and absorb this stressing and react accordingly. their defense mechanisms are different.

i am sharing this pov, just because you said you want to stay in this relationship and from your posts, you are not somebody who is keen on divorce or separation whatever be the reason..

P.S. chalk your strategy of moving out in case of an abuse, or you distrust him and gut says run..

 

Don't tell your co sissy about this. They will use this to ridicule you in future

 

OP- you seem confused . You want to take a step but don't want to create ' drama'. Hasn't this getting beaten episode created drama already ? Why are you so scared/confused ? That is something you have to deal with. And by the way, the way he hit you was quite brutal.Any self - respecting human would feel ashamed of living with and tolerating this shameless human who uses his strength to vent his anger.
I don't know what the police told you. But whenever you will be actually ready to take an action - there are 2 strong ways .But you will have to stop being afraid of this ' drama'. First , you can file a criminal complaint against him in the nearest police station.Yes, even now , a month after the incident . There will be an inquiry into it and if your H is found guilty , he will be arrested . Even if he is not arrested, even the fact that there is a criminal complaint against him (498A) is enough to knock some sense into him. He will never ever raise his hand in life again.
2nd - this is a civil complaint - protection against DV act . Please search more about it. This will ensure that he can't throw you out of the house, and you have equal rights over the house, property etc . They ( civil court) may also ask him to take anger management counsel .
Although I am pretty much convinced you will not take any of these steps , reason being concern for your parents , scared of drama etc, I still wanted to let you of these as you asked for frantic help. Family will always suggest things like karma , adjustment ,'what did you do to make him angry ?' . These are all futile when dealing with remorseless people like your H. You need to be a bigger Gunda/terror here and show him you can take the bull by his horns.All our lives are already drama . Don't be scared of a little more . And take that saree and burn it. Rest is upto you , @dhivyacc . Good luck .